Who Would Ever Want You, Baggage and All?

Author Walton MerrittReading 12 min

Are you sure about this, love?

Helen covered her mothers hand with her own and smiled softly.

Mum, I love him. And he loves me. Were getting married and everything will be alright. Well have a family, you see?

Her father pushed aside the unfinished plate of stew and stared out of the window, his brow furrowed. The silence hung for a few moments, but to Helen it felt endless.

Youre only nineteen, he said at last. You should be thinking about your studies, about a proper job, not about weddings.

Dad, I can cope. Helen spoke calmly, though she was desperate to convince them to see what she saw. James has work, Im at university. We arent asking for money, we just want to be together. To be a family.

Her dad shook his head but said nothing.

They didnt approve. Helen could tell by her fathers tight lips and the way her mum nervously smoothed the napkin on the table. But they didnt put up a fight either. Maybe they remembered what they were like at her age. Maybe they knew that saying no would only make her dig her heels in.

They married in May. It was modest, but so warm and happy that Helen still recalls it with a glow in her chest. No grand receptions, no stretch limos, no doves. But they were happy all the same.

They honeymooned for a week in BrightonJames couldnt get more time off, and they didnt have much spare cash. But that week felt like a magic bubble, cut off from the rest of life. They slept in late, had tea on the tiny balcony overlooking the sea, wandered down the pier until night, grabbed fish and chips from the van, and kissed as if the world was about to end.

Then real life began. No more fairy talesjust their small rented flat, draughty in winter, the upstairs neighbours stomping around so much that the ceiling light rattled. James left for work at seven, Helen dashed to lectures, and in the evenings theyd meet, tired out, microwave something for supper, and fall asleep the moment they hit the bed.

Yet there was something right about it, even in the exhaustionsomething real.

Six months later, her parents rang and asked them to come for the weekend. Helen worried all week, her mind racing through possibilitiesfrom the serious to the ridiculous. But at their kitchen table, after a silent cup of tea, her dad slid an envelope across to them.

This is for you, he said, not meeting their eyes. For a flat. Even a little one, but your own. Enough of lining the landlords pockets.

Helen just stared at the envelope and couldnt bring herself to pick it up. A lump was stuck in her throat; her eyes stung.

Dad she began, but he brushed her off.

Take it. Dont be daft. Think of it as a late wedding present.

They found a flat in a month. It was small, third floor, windows to the communal garden, a pokey kitchen and a combined bath and loo. To some, nothing specialbut to Helen, it was a whole universe. She picked the wallpaper herself, haggled with builders, put up curtains, planted potted flowers shed bought from the market.

A year passed, and in the middle of her third year at university, Helen started feeling oddly unwell. At first she put it down to dodgy takeaway or exam stress. She bought a test just to rule things out. Two lines appeared, stark and clear, obliterating all doubts.

She sat on the edge of the bath, staring at that tiny strip of plastic, knowing her whole life had just turned upside down. Third year. Still two years until graduation. They had only just got settled. Why now?

James came home from work, took one look at her and knew something was wrong. She handed him the test wordlessly, not sure what to say.

He stared at it for a long time. When he finally looked up at her, Helens heart caught in her chest.

Were keeping it, he said quietly, but firmly.

James, Im in my third year. How can I?

Were keeping it, he said again, taking her hands. Youll take a year out. Ill work. Well manage. Helen, its our baby.

She wept into his shoulderout of fear, out of confusion, maybe hormones. And out of happiness too, stubborn happiness, pushing up through the cracks.

Helens break from uni was approved without any trouble.

Sammy was born in March, just as winters last soggy snow was melting and the air began to hint at spring. Seven pounds, nineteen inches. Helen couldnt stop staring at that tiny bundle, that scrunched-up face, unable to believe he was real, that he was her sonhers and Jamess.

The happiness was huge and overwhelming. She thought her heart might burst.

The change came quietly, the way autumn dew becomes overnight frostone day its warm, the next you can see your breath.

James started coming home later. At first half an hour, then an hour, until Helen stopped keeping track. Hed walk in, chuck his coat on the hook, and pass by the cot without a glance. He used to scoop up Sammy straight away, press a kiss to his hair, blow raspberries on his tummy. Now it was as if the child didnt exist.

You could at least say hello to your son, Helen said one evening, unable to stop herself.

James grimaced as if shed said something indecent.

Hes asleep. No point waking him.

Sammy wasnt asleep. He lay in his cot, watching his father with wide, solemn eyesthe spitting image of James. But James didnt see. Or didnt want to.

Then came the remarks. At first, little throwaway things. Helen tried to convince herself shed misheard, misunderstood

You going out in that? he asked one morning, giving her a once-over.

She looked down at herselfjust jeans and a jumper, nothing wild.

Whats that supposed to mean?

Nothing. Just never mind. His expression said more than words.

It got worse by the day. He stopped shrouding things in hints.

Have you looked at yourself lately? he spat out one night as she was changing for bed. Youve ballooned, gone to seed. You look fifty, not twenty-two.

The words hit Helen like a punch in the chest. She stood there in her old nightie, unable to draw breath. Yes, she hadnt lost all the baby weightbut how could he say that?

James, I only had the baby a year ago, she whispered, her voice small and defeated.

A year! Other women are back to normal in three months. But you He cut himself off, shook his head and left the room. Sammy started crying, woken by the raised voices.

Keep him quiet! James yelled from the kitchen. I can never get a minutes peace in this house!

Helen picked up her son, pulled him close, breathing in his soft hair. Tears rolled down her cheeks and onto his perfect, downy head. Sammy quietened in her arms, soothed by her warmth, as she stood in the half-darkness, cradling both him and herself.

There was no one Helen could talk to. Well, there washer parents. But every time she reached for the phone, she saw her dads face: Youre nineteen. You should be thinking of your future. Theyd warned her. Theyd told her. She hadnt listened. Shed thought love would see her through.

Now what? Show up on their doorstep, admit they were right, and that shed made a mess of everything? Helen pictured her mum in tears, her dad in brooding silence, and every time she put the phone down. Shed got into this on her ownshed sort it on her own.

One day, as usual, Helen took Sammy for a walkround the block, then into the small park where the benches sat beneath the bare branches of sycamores. There, looking in her bag for some baby snacks, she realised shed forgotten them and had to go back.

She let herself in with her key, thinking shed just dash in, grab the food, and go. But in the hall were a pair of unfamiliar shoeswomens, patent leather, bright red.

Her feet carried her further inside, though her heart screamed dont look, dont ask, just leave.

The bedroom door was halfway open.

She saw enough. More than enough. A stranger in her bed, on her sheets. And James, who didnt even flinch or try to hide.

He looked at Helen with irritation, as though she was an annoying fly interrupting his day.

What did you expect? he sneered. Youve let yourself go. Am I meant to just put up with that? Im twenty-five, in my prime, and my wife at home is enough to make a man weep.

Helen gripped the doorframe, her legs weak. The other woman pulled the duvet to her chin, refusing to meet her eye.

Get out. Helen barely recognised her own voicelow, rough, unshakeable. Get out of my flat. Now.

The woman scrambled to find her clothes. James watched, smirking.

Dont make a fuss, he said, once the stranger had gone. People do this all the time, and life goes on. Its normal.

Normal? Helens voice trembled.

What, you think your mums dad never cheated? You think its just me? Half the blokes out there do. And their wives accept itespecially when theyve got a kid. Who else is going to want you, Helen? With baggage? So pack it in. Enough drama.

Helen didnt remember leaving. Didnt remember getting Sammy ready, calling a taxi, giving the driver her parents address. She stared out of the window all the way, her hand stroking her sons back out of habit, her insides scraped clean.

When the door opened, her mum took one look at her and pulled her into a hugtight, like she was a little girl with grazed knees and tears again.

Mum, I Helen started, but her mum shook her head.

Not now, love. In you come.

Her dad came from the kitchen, took in the scenehis daughter, his grandsonand his face grew hard.

Whats happened?

Helen told them, stumbling over her words, choking on sobsabout the remarks, the coldness, the red shoes. About whod want you, with baggage.

He listened in silence, then took his coat from the hook.

Lets go, he said.

Where? Helen asked, bewildered.

To him.

Dad, dontIll sort it.

Leave Sammy with your mum. Lets go.

James opened the door with an air of innocence. Helens dad stepped into the flat, looked around, and then spokesoftly, but with a coldness that made Helens skin crawl.

Listen very carefully. Youre going to pack your things and leave. This is my daughters flat. Bought with our money. Youve no place here any longer.

James tried to arguemuttered something about shared assets and his rightsbut her dad cut him off.

Rights? Lets talk about rights. Lets talk about how you treated my daughter. How you humiliated her. How you brought someone else into her home. If youre not gone in half an hour, Ill have the police round. And believe me, I can afford a good solicitor to make your life hell. Now get out.

James packed a bag and left, without a word. Helen watched the door close behind him.

Why didnt you come home sooner? her dad asked when they were alone.

I thought you warned me. I thought youd just say Id brought it on myself.

Her dad turned to her, his eyes soft, and she felt tears sting again.

Youre our daughter. My girl. You can always come home. Always. No matter what.

Helen buried her face in his shoulder and criedcried for everything shed been through, until all the pain seemed to wash away.

Two years later, Helen sat on the floor in that same flat, watching Sammy build a tower of colourful bricks. Her degree, earned part-time and with honours, lay nearby, and her phone pinged with a message that maintenance money had arrived.

Sammy looked up and grinned, the same way his dad once did. But it didnt matter anymore.

Mummy, look!

I see, darling. Thats a beautiful tower.

Outside, the sun was setting, filling the room with warm, golden light. Helen smiled at her son, and knew it had all turned out alright. Not in the way she once dreamedbut alright, all the same.

The Cupboard and the Scales She wasn’t rummaging in the cupboard for nostalgia—just for a jar of pickled cucumbers for her salad. On the top shelf, half-hidden behind a box of Christmas lights, she spotted the corner of a case that, by all rights, shouldn’t still exist in her flat. The fabric was faded, and the zipper stuck. She pulled it, and from the back emerged the long, narrow shape of a violin case—like a stretched shadow. She set the jar on a stool by the door, so she wouldn’t forget, and crouched down as if that might make deciding easier. The zipper finally yielded on the third try. Inside lay a violin: the varnish dull in places, strings slack, the bow fuzzy and worn like an old broom. But its shape was unmistakable, and something clicked in her chest—a light switch flipped. She remembered lugging the case around school in Year 10, self-conscious that she looked silly. Then there was college, a job, a wedding—and one day she simply stopped going to music lessons, having to keep up with a different sort of life. The violin went to her parents for safekeeping, then moved with her other things, and now it lay here among carrier bags and boxes, not wronged, simply forgotten. She lifted the violin gingerly, as though it might fall apart. The wood felt warm under her palm, though the cupboard was chilly. Her fingers naturally found the fingerboard, and she felt awkward: her hand didn’t remember how to hold it, as though she was borrowing something that wasn’t hers. The kettle whistled in the kitchen. She got up, shut the cupboard, but left the case out, propped it in the hallway, and went to turn off the hob. She could manage the salad without the cucumbers. She realised she was already making excuses. That evening, with the washing up done and only breadcrumbs left on the table, she brought the case to the living room. Her husband sat in front of the TV, channel-hopping, barely paying attention. He glanced up. “What have you found there?” “A violin,” she replied—surprised at her own calm. “Ah. Still in one piece?” he grinned, but not unkindly—just with the familiar family humour. “Don’t know. Might check.” She opened the case on the sofa, laying an old towel under it so as not to scratch the upholstery. She took out the violin, the bow, a little rosin box—cracked now, like ice on a puddle. She ran the bow across it; the hairs just catching the surface. Tuning was its own humiliation. The pegs were stubborn, the strings screeched, one snapped and whipped her finger. She cursed quietly so the neighbours wouldn’t hear. Her husband snorted. “Maybe you should take it to a shop?” he suggested. “Maybe,” she agreed, though what stung was not him, but her own inability—not even able to tune it. She found a tuner app on her phone and set it on the coffee table. The screen flashed letters and the needle jumped. She turned the pegs, listening as the sound dropped too low or soared too high. Her shoulder ached, her fingers were clumsy. When the strings finally stopped sounding like wind rattling wires, she raised the violin to her chin. The chinrest was cold, and she thought the skin of her neck had turned paper-thin. She tried to stand up straight, as she’d been taught, but her back wouldn’t obey. She laughed—a gentle, self-deprecating laugh. “Is this your big concert?” her husband asked, eyes on the TV. “For you,” she said. “Brace yourself.” The first note was so raw she flinched—not a sound, but a complaint. The bow wobbled, her arm didn’t hold a steady line. She stopped, breathed, tried again. A little better, but still embarrassing. But it was an adult embarrassment—different from a teenager’s, that self-conscious feeling the whole world is watching. Here, no one watched; just the walls, her husband, and her own hands that felt foreign. She played open strings, counting in her mind as she used to. Then tried a D major scale, fingers fumbling on the left hand. She couldn’t recall which finger went where—her fingers, thicker now, pads too soft, missing the familiar ache. “It’s alright,” her husband said suddenly. “I mean… not perfect. But give it time.” She nodded, not sure who the reassurance was for—him, her, or the violin. The next day she went to the shop by the tube station. Not romantic: glass door, counter, guitars and violins hung on the wall, smelling of varnish and dust. The technician, a young man with an earring, took the violin as if it were a normal everyday tool. “You’ll need new strings, definitely. Pegs need lubing, bridge needs tweaking. Bow could use a re-hair—that’s pricier, though.” She heard “pricier” and instantly bristled, thoughts of gas bills, medicines, a birthday gift for her granddaughter. She almost said, “Never mind,” but instead asked: “What if we just do the strings and bridge for now?” “Sure. She’ll play.” She left the violin and got a receipt. As she walked out, she felt like she’d sent off a piece of herself for repairs and hoped it’d come back working. At home, she opened her laptop and searched “violin lessons for adults.” The phrase made her smile. For adults. As if grown-ups were a special tribe needing extra explanation and patience. She found a handful of ads. Some promised “results in a month”, others “individual approach.” The words made her nervous, so she closed the tabs. Then opened them again, and wrote to a woman teacher from her neighbourhood. Kept it short: “Hello. I’m 52. Want to brush up my skills. Is that possible?” She regretted it instantly, wanting to delete it like a confession. But it was sent. Her son visited that evening, came into the kitchen, kissed her cheek, asked about work. She set the kettle on, fetched a tin of biscuits. He spotted the case in the corner. “Is that a violin?” Genuine surprise. “Yes. Found it. Thinking… of giving it a go.” “Mum, really?” His smile was not teasing, more puzzled. “It’s been… ages.” “Exactly,” she said. “That’s why.” He sat, turning a biscuit in his hands. “Why, though? You’re always tired.” She felt herself bracing—ready to explain, justify, prove her right to this. But explanations always sounded pitiful. “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I just want to.” He looked at her closely, as if seeing not the mother-who-keeps-everything-together, but a woman who wanted something for herself. “Alright, then,” he said. “Just don’t overdo it. Poor neighbours.” She laughed. “They’ll live. I’ll play daytime.” After he’d gone, she realised she felt lighter—not because he’d given permission, but because she hadn’t explained herself. Two days later, she picked up her violin from the shop. The strings gleamed, the bridge was straight. The technician explained how to string and store it. “Don’t leave near the radiator,” he warned. “Keep it in the case.” She nodded, like a proper student. At home, she put the case on a chair, opened it and stared, as if afraid to break it again. She started with the simplest exercise: long bows on open strings. As a child, it had felt a dull punishment. Now it felt like salvation—no tune, no judgement, just sound and the effort to make it even. Her shoulder ached after ten minutes. Her neck stiffened after fifteen. She stopped, zipped up the case. Anger welled—at her body, her age, at how hard it all was now. She went to the kitchen, poured herself a glass of water, and stared out the window. Teenagers on the playground rode scooters, shrieking with laughter. She envied not their youth, but their shamelessness—falling, getting up, never thinking it was too late to learn balance. She went back to the living room, opened the case again—not out of necessity, but because she didn’t want to finish with anger. The teacher replied that evening: “Hello. Of course it’s possible. Come by and we’ll start with posture and simple exercises. Age isn’t a barrier, but patience is needed.” She read it twice. Patience felt honest—and comforting. She took her violin to the first lesson, case in hand, as if carrying something fragile and precious. On the tube, strangers glanced, some smiled. Let them, she thought. Let them see. Her instructor turned out to be a petite, fortysomething woman—short hair, sharp but kind eyes. Piano in the corner, scores on the shelf, a child-sized violin on a chair. “Let’s take a look,” she said, motioning her to pick up the instrument. She did, and instantly it was obvious—her shoulder hunched, chin clamped, left wrist stiff. “No worries,” the teacher said. “You haven’t played. Let’s just stand for now. Feel that the violin isn’t your enemy.” She laughed, a little embarrassed: standing at fifty-two to learn where to place a violin. But there was something freeing in it, too. No one expected her to be good—they only expected her to show up. After the lesson, her hands shook as after PE. The teacher gave instructions: ten minutes on open strings daily, then the scale—not more than that. “It’s better little and often,” she said. At home, her husband asked: “How did it go?” “Hard,” she replied. “But fine.” “Are you happy?” She thought about it. ‘Happy’ wasn’t right. She felt anxious, silly, embarrassed—and somehow, lighter. “Yes,” she answered. “I feel like I’m making something with my hands again—not just working and cooking.” After a week, she dared try a simple melody she remembered since childhood. She printed the sheet music at work, hid it in her files so colleagues wouldn’t inquire. At home, she set up a makeshift stand from books and boxes. The sound was shaky, the bow sometimes snagged on neighbouring strings, fingers missed notes. She stopped, restarted. At one point, her husband poked his head in. “You know… it’s nice,” he said cautiously, as if fearing to spook her. “Don’t pretend,” she replied. “I’m not. It’s… recognisable.” She smiled. Recognisable—almost a compliment. At the weekend, her granddaughter visited. She was six, and immediately noticed the case. “Gran, what’s that?” “A violin.” “Can you play?” She nearly said “once,” but her granddaughter didn’t understand “once.” To her, there was only “now.” “I’m learning,” she said. Her granddaughter perched on the sofa, hands folded, as at a school assembly. “Play!” She felt herself tense. Playing for a child was scarier than for grown-ups—a child hears honestly. “Alright,” she said, picking up the violin. She played the melody she’d been wrestling with all week. On the third line, the bow slipped, producing a squeal. Her granddaughter didn’t flinch, just tilted her head. “Why does it squeak?” “Because Gran’s bow is crooked,” she chuckled. Her granddaughter giggled too. “Do it again!” And she did. It didn’t sound much better, but she didn’t let shame stop her—she played to the end. That evening, when everyone was busy elsewhere, she was left alone in the room. Sheet music on the table, beside a pencil for tricky sections. The violin in its case, closed but not shut away in the cupboard—standing by the wall, a reminder it belonged in her day. She set a timer on her phone for ten minutes—not to force herself, but to keep from burning out. Opened the case, checked the rosin, the bow tension. Lifted the violin to her chin, exhaled. The sound was softer now, though still shaky. She carried on, adjusting her hand, listening as the note wavered and settled. When the timer sounded, she didn’t stop right away—she finished the bow stroke, gently put the violin away, closed the case, and set it by the wall, not the cupboard. She knew tomorrow would be much the same: a bit of shame, a bit of fatigue, a few pure moments worth opening the case for. And that was enough to keep going.

I Saw It Happen She was just closing the office cash register when her manager poked her head out of the room and asked if she could “pick up” the supplier report tomorrow. The request was gentle, but clearly not open to refusal. She nodded, even as her mind tallied the tasks waiting for her: collect her son from school, stop by the pharmacy for her mother’s medicine, check homework at home. She’d lived for years trying not to argue, not to draw attention, not to give anyone a reason. At work, they called it reliability; at home, calm. That evening, she walked from the bus stop, clutching a bag of groceries. Her son ambled beside her, head down over his phone, asking every so often if he could have “just five more minutes.” She answered “later,” knowing that later always came on its own. At the zebra crossing near the shopping centre, she stopped at the green pedestrian light. Cars lined up in two rows; someone honked impatiently. She stepped onto the crossing, just as a dark SUV darted from the right lane, overtaking and trying to beat the flashing signal. The crash sounded dry, like a heavy wardrobe falling. The SUV slammed into a white Ford coming through the junction. The Ford spun; its rear veered sharp onto the crossing. People nearby jumped back. She had time only to grab her son’s sleeve and pull him close. A heartbeat—and everything froze. Then someone screamed. The Ford’s driver sat bent over, slow to lift his head. The SUV’s airbags deployed; behind the glass she glimpsed a man’s face, already reaching for the door handle. She set her shopping down on the pavement, took out her phone, and dialled 999. The operator’s voice was calm, as though this wasn’t really happening. “A collision, the crossroads by the shopping centre—there are casualties,” she said as clearly as she could. “The car spun into the crossing, the driver in the white car…I don’t know if he’s conscious.” Her son stood pale beside her, staring in a way that made her suddenly feel genuinely grown up. As she answered the operator’s questions, a young man ran to the Ford, opened the door, spoke softly to the driver. The SUV’s man got out quickly, confidently, phoning someone. Expensive coat, no hat, and an air as though this was merely a delayed flight. Paramedics arrived, then police. An officer asked who’d seen the moment of impact. She raised her hand—the obvious witness. “Let me take your details,” the inspector said, pulling out a notepad, “and tell me what you saw.” She gave her name, address, number. The words came out dry and steady. She described the SUV flying from the right, the Ford on its signal, people scattered on the crossing. The officer nodded, jotting notes. The SUV’s man came closer, as if just passing by. His look wasn’t menacing, but she felt uneasy. “You’re sure?” he asked quietly, almost casually. “There are CCTV cameras. Everything’s visible.” “I know what I saw,” she replied. Instantly, she regretted the bluntness. He gave a small, crooked smile and stepped away. Her son tugged her sleeve. “Mum, can we go home now?” he asked. The inspector returned her passport, warning she might be called for further questioning. She nodded and, gathering her shopping, led her son through the estate. At home, she scrubbed her hands for ages, though they were perfectly clean. Her son was silent, then asked: “Will that man go to prison?” “I don’t know,” she said. “That’s not up to us.” That night, she dreamed of the crunch, the SUV forcing the air aside. The next day at work, numbers blurred as her mind kept looping back to the crossroads. After lunch, a call came from an unknown number. “Good afternoon, you were a witness yesterday,” a polite male voice said, not introducing himself. “I’m calling on behalf of those involved. Just want to make sure you’re coping.” “Who are you?” she asked. “Not important. It’s just—these situations are never straightforward. Witnesses get hassled and dragged to court for ages. You don’t need that—child, work, life.” His tone was soft, as if suggesting a brand of laundry detergent. This frightened her even more. “No one’s pressuring me,” she said, hearing her own voice tremble. “Good,” he replied. “Just say you’re not certain. Say it all happened too fast. It’ll be easier for everyone.” She ended the call and stared at her phone for several seconds, then tucked it away, as if hiding the conversation itself. That evening, she went by her mother’s flat in an old council block. Her mum answered in a flannel dressing gown, launching straight into complaints about the GP mix-up and blood pressure. “Mum,” she said, helping with the tablets, “if you saw a crash and they told you not to get involved, what would you do?” Her mother sighed: “I’d keep out of it. I’m too old for heroics. You should too. You’ve got your boy.” The words were simple, almost caring, but it stung, as if her mum didn’t believe she was strong enough. The next day, another call came—from a different number. “We’re just concerned,” the familiar voice said. “The man has a family, a job. People make mistakes. But witnesses get dragged through this for years. Maybe you’d rather submit a statement that you didn’t actually see the impact?” “I saw it,” she replied. “Are you sure you want to get pulled into this?” His tone went frosty. “Your boy—he goes to what school?” She suddenly felt everything contract inside. “How do you know?” she asked. “Small town,” came the smooth response. “We’re not enemies. We just want what’s best for you.” She hung up and for a long time stared at the kitchen table. Her son was nearby scribbling homework. Eventually, she got up, double-locked the door, even though she knew a chain couldn’t keep out a phone call. A few days later, a man stopped her near the flats. Plain clothes, no badge, waiting unmistakably for her. “You’re from flat 27?” he asked. “Yes,” she replied automatically. “It’s about that accident. Don’t worry,” he said, raising both palms as if she’d backed away. “I know people involved. You don’t want to be dragged into court hearings. We can sort this out. Just say you’re unsure and that’s that.” “I don’t want money,” she blurted, not even sure why. “No one mentioned money,” he smiled. “This is about peace of mind. You’ve got your kid—things are tense these days. Schools, work—you don’t need the extra stress.” He said “extra” as if it were trash to be taken out. She hurried past, hands shaking once in the lift. Inside her flat, she set her bag down and went to her son. “Don’t leave school alone tomorrow,” she told him calmly. “I’ll fetch you.” “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Nothing,” she replied, realising it was a lie becoming real. Monday, a summons arrived. She was to give a statement and identify the parties involved at the station. The letter was official, stamped. She filed it with her papers, but it felt as heavy as a stone. That evening, her manager kept her late. “Listen,” she said, closing the office door, “someone asked about you. Very polite—said you’re a witness and shouldn’t be stressed. I hate when people come to me about staff. Take care.” “Who was it?” she asked. “No idea. Just… confident types.” Her manager shrugged. “Honestly, maybe it’s best not to get involved? We’ve got deadlines and inspections. Calls and hassle mess things up for everyone.” Leaving the office, she felt her right not only to speak but to hide behind numbers was being stripped away. At home, she told her husband everything. He sat quietly, spoon suspended above his soup. “You realise this could end badly?” he asked. “I do,” she said. “Then why do it?” He wasn’t harsh, just tired. “We’ve got the mortgage, your mum, our son. Do you want the stress?” “I don’t,” she answered. “But I saw it.” He looked at her as if she were a naive child. “Forget what you saw,” he said. “You owe nothing to anyone.” She didn’t argue. To argue was to admit there was a choice, and choice felt heavier than threats. On the day she was called in, she woke early, packed her son’s breakfast, checked her phone battery, put the letter, passport, and a notepad in her bag. She messaged her friend where she was going and when she’d expect to be done. Her friend replied simply: “Got it. Text me when you’re finished.” The station smelled of paper and wet mats. She hung up her coat, reported to the desk, and waited in the investigator’s office. The investigator was young, tired-faced. He offered a chair, set his recorder going. “Do you understand the consequences of false testimony?” he asked. “Yes.” He questioned calmly: Where were you standing? What was the signal? Which side did the SUV come from? Did you see its speed? She answered precisely, sticking to the facts. Then he looked up. “Has anyone contacted you?” he asked. She paused. Admitting it would mean admitting she’d already been touched by it all. Keeping quiet meant shouldering it alone. “Yes,” she said. “Calls, people at my building—they told me to say I wasn’t sure.” He nodded as though he’d expected this. “Do you still have the numbers?” She showed him her phone. He noted them, asked her to screenshot and send them to his work email. She did this in front of him, hands awkward on the screen. Then she was sent into the corridor until it was time for identification. Sitting on a bench, clutching her bag, she saw the SUV driver appear, lawyer at his side, speaking quietly. As he passed, he glanced at her, calm, even a bit weary, like someone who expects everything will be settled. The lawyer paused by her. “You’re the witness?” he asked with a smile. “Yes.” “I’d advise caution with your account,” he said just as gently. “People get confused in stressful moments. No one wants you burdened by mistake.” “I only want to speak the truth,” she said. “A truth is different for everyone,” he replied, moving on. She was called in, shown a series of photos, asked to pick out the driver. She did. She signed a statement; the pen left crisp blue lines, reassuring—it couldn’t be erased by a phone call. When she left the station it was already dark. She walked to the bus stop, glancing behind, though no one followed. On the bus, she sat nearer the driver, like people who need some sense of safety. At home, her husband said nothing. Her son poked his head round his bedroom door. “So?” he asked. “I told them what happened,” she said. Her husband exhaled loudly. “You know they won’t leave you alone now?” he said. “I know,” she replied. All night, she lay awake, listening for doors, for footsteps in the stairwell. Each sound felt like a warning. In the morning she walked her son to school herself, inconvenient but necessary. She asked his teacher not to let him leave with anyone—even if they “come from Mum.” The teacher looked closely at her and nodded. At work, her manager was even more distant. Her assignments thinned; colleagues avoided her eyes. No one spoke directly, but an empty space formed around her. The calls stopped for a week. Then a new message came—no signature: “Think about your family.” She showed it to the investigator, as instructed. His reply was terse: “Noted. Let me know if anything else happens.” She didn’t feel protected, but at least her words hadn’t vanished. One evening, the downstairs neighbour caught her at the lift. “I heard you’re in a mess,” she whispered. “If you need anything, my husband’s here and we can put in for a security camera together.” Her neighbour spoke simply, no heroics, as if discussing a new intercom. Tears pricked at her eyes. A month later, she was called again—the case was going to trial; there’d be more hearings. The investigator made no promises about justice, stuck to procedures and protocols, paperwork and witness statements. “Any more threats?” he asked. “No—not exactly. I just keep waiting.” “That’s normal,” he said. “Try to live as before. Tell us if anything happens.” She left the station thinking “normal” felt like someone else’s word. Her life was not as before. She was more cautious: changed her walking routes, never left her son alone outside, installed a call recorder app, kept her friend up-to-date. She didn’t feel brave—only like she was holding the line against collapse. In court, when called to testify, she saw the SUV driver again—straight-backed, quietly taking notes, never looking her way. That was worse than eye contact: as though she was just part of the background paperwork. When asked, “Are you sure about your statement?” a wave of fear rose. She flashed to her son waiting at school, her manager’s dry expression, her mum’s warning to stay out—all in an instant. Still, she said: “Yes. I’m sure.” After the hearing, she stood on the steps, hands icy inside her gloves. Her friend texted: “You okay?” She replied: “I’m alive. Going home.” On the way, she stopped for bread and apples, because there were still dinners to be made. That somehow comforted her—the world still needed ordinary things. At home her son met her at the door. “Mum, are you coming to the parents’ meeting tonight?” She looked at him and realised his question was everything. “I’ll be there,” she said. “But first, let’s eat.” Later, double-locking the door and ensuring the chain was on, she realised she wasn’t panicked—just careful, as part of this new life. The cost of calm had to be learned all over again. She hadn’t won, wasn’t lauded, hadn’t become a hero. What she carried was simple and heavy: she hadn’t backed away from what she’d witnessed, and now she didn’t need to hide from herself anymore.

Is the Orchid Really to Blame? — “Polly, take this orchid, or I’m tossing it out,” Katie said, carelessly grabbing the clear pot and handing it to me from the windowsill. — “Oh, thanks, my friend! But what did this orchid ever do to you?” I asked, puzzled. After all, there were three other lush, well-cared-for orchids in her window. — “This flower was a wedding gift to my son. And you know how that all ended…” Katie sighed heavily. — “I know Denis and Tanya divorced within the year. I won’t ask why—I can guess it was serious. Denis adored Tanya,” I said, not wanting to reopen her fresh wound. — “One day, I’ll tell you everything, Polly. But right now, it’s too hard to remember,” Katie said, lost in thought and shedding a tear. I took the “banished” and “rejected” orchid home. My husband gave the poor plant a sympathetic glance. — “Why do you need that straggler? Even I can see it’s lifeless. Don’t waste your time,” he said. — “I want to revive it. I’ll give it care and love. You’ll be amazed by this orchid someday,” I replied, determined to breathe life into the wilted plant. My husband winked at me playfully: — “Who can say no to love?” A week later, Katie phoned: — “Polly, can I come over? I can’t carry this weight anymore. I want to tell you why Denis’s marriage fell apart.” — “Come over, Katie, I’m here. You know you’re always welcome,” I answered—after all, she’d always stood by me: through my painful first divorce, my struggles with a second husband, and in all the ups and downs of our long friendship. Katie rushed over within an hour. Settled snugly at my kitchen table, over a glass of dry wine, a steaming mug of coffee, and some dark chocolate, she began her long tale. — “Never did I imagine my now ex-daughter-in-law could do what she did. Denis and Tanya were together seven years before he proposed. For her, Denis left Anya—oh, how I loved Anya! She was so homely and sweet, I always called her my daughter. Then the stunning Tanya appeared, and Denis was utterly smitten. He buzzed around Tanya like a bee over a flower. His love for her was all-consuming, and Anya was brushed aside. I’ll admit, Tanya looked like a model. Denis basked in his friends’ admiring looks, their eyes lingering on her beauty. Even strangers would turn to stare. For all their years together, though, they never had a child. I thought maybe Denis wanted to do things ‘properly’—marriage first, then babies. He’s never been much for confiding, and we didn’t interfere in his personal life. Then one day he announced, “Mum, Dad, I’m marrying Tanya. We’ve handed in our papers at registry. I want a big wedding—no expense spared!” My husband and I were delighted. Finally, Denis—now thirty—was starting a real family. But, Polly, the wedding date had to be moved twice! First Denis got ill, then I was away for work. I had a bad feeling, but seeing Denis so happy, I kept quiet. He also wanted to marry Tanya in church, but the priest, Father Stuart, was away for months, and Denis insisted on having that very priest. Nothing seemed to go our way—bad omens everywhere… We finally threw a huge, noisy wedding. Here, look at the photos. See that orchid? Glorious, blooming, with strong leaves standing tall as soldiers. Now? Its leaves are limp rags. Right after, Denis and Tanya planned a honeymoon in Paris. But at the airport, Tanya was blocked from going abroad due to an unpaid fine. The newlyweds were sent home. Denis just shrugged off all these troubles, head in the clouds, dreaming of a happy family. Then—a bombshell. Denis fell seriously ill and was hospitalised. His prognosis was grim; doctors were at a loss. Tanya visited daily for a week, then told him: — “Sorry, a disabled husband isn’t for me. I’ve filed for divorce.” Imagine what my son felt, helpless in a hospital bed? But he just said: — “I understand, Tanya. I won’t fight it.” And that was that. They divorced. Luckily, my boy recovered—the right doctor turned everything around in six months, said his youth helped enormously. We became friends with Dr. Peter Bennett, and he had a lovely, twenty-year-old daughter, Mary. At first, Denis wasn’t interested: — “She’s so tiny. Not even very pretty.” — “Give her a chance, son. You had your supermodel wife… but better to drink water with a smile than honey in sorrow.” Denis couldn’t forget Tanya, though her betrayal stung deep. Mary, meanwhile, fell for Denis hard—constantly texting, following him about. We tried to bring them together on a day out, but Denis, glum as ever, gazed off into the distance, the lively company and barbecue meaning nothing to him. Mary watched his every move, but he never looked her way. I told my husband, — “This was pointless. His heart still belongs to Tanya—she’s a thorn in his side.” A few months later—three or four—a knock at the door. Denis, holding the famous orchid: — “Here, Mum. The remains of my old happiness. Do what you like with it. I don’t want that exotic plant in my life.” I accepted it grudgingly, and took an instant dislike. It was as if the plant itself was somehow to blame for all my son’s pain. I shoved it to the back of the room, left it unwatered. Then a neighbour said, — “Katie, I saw Denis with a Thumbelina-sort of lass. Not as striking as his ex-wife.” I didn’t believe it—surely my son and Mary weren’t an item? But soon Denis introduced her with a flourish: — “Mum, meet my wife, Mary.” My husband and I were stunned: — “But where was the wedding, the guests?” — “No need for all that fuss. We did it quietly at the registry, Father Stuart blessed us at church. Mary and I are together for good.” I pulled Denis aside: — “Did you truly fall for Mary? Are you marrying her out of spite?” — “No, Mum. I’m done with that woman. As for Mary—well, our worlds just fit.” That’s the story, Polly. Katie poured her heart out. …After that emotional evening, we didn’t see each other for two years; life simply swept us along. Meanwhile, the orchid revived, blooming gorgeously—a living testament to love’s care. Then, by chance, I ran into Katie at the hospital: — “Hey, friend, what are you doing here?” — “Mary’s had twins. She’s being discharged today,” Katie beamed. Nearby, Denis and Katie’s husband waited with a bouquet of red roses. Out came Mary, exhausted but radiant, with a nurse carrying two tiny bundles. Then my own daughter appeared, cradling my newborn granddaughter. Tanya still begs Denis to forgive her, to begin again. But… You can glue a cup back together, yet it will never be the same to drink from…

The Empty Bench Sergey Petrovich placed his thermos on his knees and checked the lid—just to make sure it wasn’t leaking. The lid was fine, but habit always won over trust. He sat at the far end of the bench outside the school entrance, in the spot free from bustling parents and swinging backpacks. In one pocket of his jacket was a little bag of dry crumbs for the pigeons, in another, a folded note with his granddaughter’s schedule: after-school club days, music lessons. He’d memorised it all, but the paper calmed his nerves. Beside him, as always, sat Nicholas Andrew. He held a small packet of sunflower seeds, popping them from shell to palm without even watching. He didn’t eat the seeds; just poured them back and forth, as if counting. When Sergey Petrovich arrived, Nicholas Andrew nodded, shifting slightly to make space. They never greeted each other loudly; it would feel wrong, as though disturbing school order. “They’ve got a maths test today,” Nicholas Andrew said, glancing at the upstairs windows. “We’ve got reading,” replied Sergey Petrovich, surprised by his own use of “we.” He liked that Nicholas Andrew never teased him for this. They’d met without any fuss at first—just timing, then recognition by coats, by gait, by the way each held his hands. Nicholas Andrew came precisely ten minutes before the bell, sat on the same bench, and always checked the school gates. Sergey had stood aside at first, but one day, tired, he sat down. From then, the bench was theirs. The school yard never changed, which was oddly reassuring: the security guard in his booth, slipping out for a smoke and back, never raising his eyes; the primary teacher, bustling past with a folder, muttering “Yes, yes, after lessons” into her phone; parents debating activities and homework; children waving from break-time windows. Sergey Petrovich realised he looked forward not just to seeing his granddaughter, but to this daily rhythm. One day Nicholas Andrew brought a second cup and set it beside Sergey’s thermos. “I don’t pour myself any,” he said, almost apologetic. “Blood pressure.” “I’m allowed,” Sergey replied, hesitating before pouring a finger’s worth into the cup. “Would you at least like a sniff?” Nicholas Andrew smiled, just a little. “A sniff’s fine.” After that, their ritual began: Sergey poured the tea, Nicholas held the cup to avoid spills, returning it empty. Sometimes they shared biscuits, sometimes silence. Sergey noticed Nicholas’s silence was comfortable, like a pause in a conversation bound to continue. Grandchildren were discussed gently, like the weather. Nicholas Andrew said his grandson Victor (“Vicky”), disliked PE, always finding an excuse to stay in class. Sergey Petrovich laughed—his granddaughter Anna was the opposite, running so wildly the teacher begged her to slow down. Soon their conversations deepened. Nicholas Andrew admitted, after his wife’s passing, he couldn’t leave the house until the school’s routine pulled him out because he “had to.” Sergey didn’t share his own story right away, but later, washing up, realised he wanted to. He lived with his daughter and granddaughter in a small flat on the city’s edge. His daughter worked in accounting, came home tired, speaking in clipped sentences. Anna was noisy, her noise wholesome and bright. Sergey aimed to help without getting in the way—sometimes he felt like an extra kitchen chair: unobtrusive, yet still a reminder of cramped space. Sitting on the bench, for the first time he felt wanted for more than just his practical use. Nicholas Andrew asked, “How’s your blood pressure?” or “Been to the doctor lately?”—and it wasn’t just politeness. Sergey replied, and caught himself speaking honestly. One morning Nicholas Andrew brought birdseed. “The pigeons are used to us now,” he said. “Look how close they come.” Sergey spread a handful on the pavement. The pigeons gathered as if awaiting command. Their feet shuffled in the grit, and Sergey felt a strange relief: a simple act that made someone’s day a little better. Soon, he counted their meetings—not as “while Anna’s in class,” or “when there’s time,” but an essential part of his day. He even stopped cutting it close, started arriving early to claim his spot and watch Nicholas sit, remove his gloves, gaze up at the windows. Then one Monday, Sergey arrived as usual—and the bench was empty. He stopped, unsure he hadn’t entered the wrong courtyard. Rain had left the bench damp; a single yellow leaf clung to the wood. Sergey wiped the seat, settled down, thermos at his side, pigeon crumbs in his lap. The security guard, absorbed in his phone, didn’t notice. “He’s just late,” Sergey thought. Nicholas sometimes got held up at the chemist. Sergey poured himself some tea, sipped, and waited. When the bell rang, Nicholas hadn’t come. Next day, the bench was still vacant. Sergey didn’t bother wiping it down, sat on the dry spot, using a newspaper as protection. He watched every older man in a dark coat, hoping. No one arrived. By day three, frustration crept in—not at Nicholas Andrew, but at being left without explanation. “Maybe I don’t need it after all,” he thought, almost ashamed at his own expectation. But he couldn’t stop expecting. Nicholas Andrew had a simple old phone; Sergey had seen him squint, searching for numbers. He’d jotted down Nicholas’s number while arranging a taxi for Victor once. At home, he found the note and dialled. Ringing, then a brief beep, then silence. He tried again—same result. On the fourth day, Sergey approached the security guard. “Excuse me, Nicholas Andrew… Victor’s grandfather, he always sat here. Have you seen him?” The guard looked up as if Sergey had asked for a password. “Lots of grandads here,” he shrugged. “Don’t keep track.” “He’s tall, has a moustache…” Sergey realised how pathetic he sounded. “No idea,” the guard was already back to his phone. Sergey tried the woman at the gates, usually complaining about homework. “Do you know Nicholas Andrew?” “I don’t know anyone,” she snapped. “I’ve got my own to worry about.” He asked a young mum with a buggy who sometimes smiled at him. “Sorry, do you know Victor, in Year 3?” “Victor?” she said, thinking. “Quiet boy, yes. Why?” “His grandfather… stopped coming.” She shrugged. “Maybe he’s ill. Everyone is, these days.” Sergey returned to the bench, feeling anxiety rising. He tried to convince himself it wasn’t his business, but each glance at the empty spot felt like betraying something important by just sitting and pretending nothing was wrong. That evening he told his daughter as she chopped salad. “Dad, who knows?” she said, not looking up. “Maybe he went to relatives.” “He’d have told me,” Sergey replied. “You never know,” she sighed. “Don’t stress. Your blood pressure.” Anna listened, notebook open. “Granddad Nick?” she asked. “He’s nice. He once said I read faster than he thinks.” Sergey smiled, but it hurt. “See?” said Anna. “Maybe he just… has things to do.” Sergey nodded, but lay awake that night, listening to his daughter’s quiet phone call in the next room. He wanted to get up and dial the number again, but feared hearing a stranger—or nothing at all. The next afternoon, waiting for Anna, he spotted Victor. The boy left school last, backpack oversized. Alongside walked a stern woman, about forty, short hair—Victor’s mother, Sergey realised. He waited, then caught up with them. “Excuse me, are you Victor’s mum?” She tensed. “Yes. And you are?” “I… I waited for the children with your father, Nicholas Andrew. He hasn’t been here, I’m worried.” She studied him carefully, deciding if he was trustworthy. “He’s in hospital,” she finally said. “Stroke. Not too bad… well, as much as it can be. He’s on the ward. No phone—so he doesn’t lose it.” Sergey felt his knees buckle, clutching his bag strap. “Where?” he asked. “The City Hospital, up on Woodland Road,” she replied. “But you can’t just visit, there are rules.” “I understand,” Sergey said, though he didn’t. How could anyone block a visitor to someone all alone? “Thanks for asking,” she added, gentler now. “It’ll mean a lot to him, knowing he’s remembered.” She led Victor to the bus stop. Sergey remained at the gate—relieved at the explanation, yet anxious because it was so grave. At home, he told his daughter. She frowned. “Dad, you’re not going there,” she said. “They’ll have you on the security list. Anyway, who is he to you?” Sergey heard not anger, but fear: fear that he’d lose himself to new worries. “No one,” Sergey said. “Still…” The next day, he visited his local clinic, where he’d seen a poster for a social worker before. The corridor smelled of bleach and wet shoe covers. People lined up with files, grumbling. Sergey took a ticket, waited his turn. The woman behind the desk listened quietly, her face tired. “Are you family?” she asked. “No,” Sergey admitted. “Then I can’t give you patient information,” she replied evenly. “It’s private data.” “I just want to send a note,” Sergey’s voice sharpened. “He’s alone, you see? We… we met every day…” “I understand,” the woman softened a little. “You could send a note through his relatives. Or the ward, if permitted. But I need their consent.” Sergey left, sitting on the waiting-room bench, feeling ashamed, like he’d come begging. “That’s it. Silly old man, interfering,” he thought. He wanted to go home, shut himself away, never come back to school. But then he remembered Nicholas Andrew holding the tea cup, passing birdseed, brightening each day with small acts. Now it was Sergey’s turn to do something, anything. He called Victor’s mum, after approaching her again at school for her number. She refused at first, but gave in, seeing his persistence. “But no fuss,” she warned. “Strict routines there.” Sergey called in the evening. “This is Sergey Petrovich. I… I’d like to send Nicholas Andrew a few words. Could you…” There was a pause. “He can’t speak much now,” she said. “But he hears. I’m visiting tomorrow. What should I tell him?” Sergey glanced at his notebook, where he’d drafted some phrases—but they felt wrong. “Just tell him the bench is waiting,” he said quietly. “And I’m here. I’ll bring tea when I can.” “All right,” she replied. “I’ll let him know.” After, he sat in the kitchen a long while. His daughter washed dishes, pretending not to listen. Then she put the plate to dry and said, “Dad, if you want, I’ll go with you. When they let visitors in.” Sergey nodded. What mattered wasn’t her company, but that she’d said “with you” instead of “Why bother?” A week later, Victor’s mum met him again at school. “He smiled when I mentioned the bench,” she said. “Waved his hand, like this, inviting. The doctor says rehab will take a while. We’ll bring him to ours afterwards. Can’t leave him on his own.” Sergey felt something cinch inside. Daily meetings would likely never resume. The emptiness was like a coat missing from its hook. “May I write a letter?” Sergey asked. “You can,” she replied. “Keep it brief. It’s hard for him to focus long.” That evening, Sergey wrote in large letters for easy reading: “Nicholas Andrew, I’m here. Thank you for the tea and sunflower seeds. I’m waiting for when you’re ready. Sergey Petrovich.” After thinking, he added, “Victor is doing well.” He read it over, then left it unchanged. He folded the sheet, marked the surname from an old utility bill Nicholas had once shown him. Next day at school, Sergey handed the envelope to Victor’s mum. The envelope was dry, crisp—he carried it as if fragile. When the bell rang and the children streamed out, Anna hugged him and launched into her stories. Sergey listened, glancing at the bench. It was empty; and it no longer angered him. It had become a place where something mattered, even if that something was now absent. Before leaving, Sergey scattered bread crumbs for the pigeons. They swooped down, as if knowing the schedule as well as the children. Watching them, Sergey realised he could come not just to wait, but to stay open. “Granddad, what are you thinking?” Anna asked. “Nothing,” he replied, taking her hand. “Let’s go. We’ll come back tomorrow.” He said it not as a promise to someone else, but as a decision for himself. And his steps felt steadier because of that.

📌 Useful Social Services & Contacts in the U.S.

Stay informed and get help when you need it. Below are key national services with direct contacts that may support you or your loved ones:
🏥 Health & Mental Support

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

What they do: Free and confidential help with substance use and mental health disorders.

Hotline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) – 24/7, anonymous support

Website: samhsa.gov

🧒 Support for Children & Families

WIC – Women, Infants, and Children Program

What they do: Nutritional and healthcare support for pregnant women, new mothers, and young children.

Federal Info Line: 1-800-522-5006

Find local WIC office: fns.usda.gov/wic