BITTERNESS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SOUL
You belong in a childrens home! Get out of our family! I screamed, my voice trembling with frustration.
The target of my fury was my cousin, Thomas.
Oh, how Id adored him when we were children! That sandy blond hair, those crystal blue eyes, his endlessly cheerful spiritit was all Thomas.
Our family gathered often for Christmases and birthdays. Out of all my cousins, Id always been closest to Thomas. He had the gift of the gab, spinning stories like a champion, and he sketched wonderfully. Id watch in awe as he whipped up five or six pencil drawings in one evening. I treasured those sketches, secretly stashing them away in my desk drawer.
Thomas was two years older than me.
When he turned 14, tragedy struckhis mum didnt wake up one morning. Suddenly, the question was: what now for Thomas? His biological father was out of the pictureit took a fair effort to track him down at all. Thomass parents had divorced long ago, and his father had since remarried with kids of his own. I cant disrupt my familys peace, was his reply.
And so, the rest of the family gave collective shrugseveryone had their own problems and children to look after. Blood may be thicker than water, but when the sun goes down, good luck finding it.
With two children of their own, my parents took Thomas in. After all, his late mother was my dads younger sister.
At first, I was thrilled that Thomas would be living with us now. But that delight didnt last.
On his very first day at our house, something about his behaviour unsettled me. Mum, wanting to comfort the orphaned boy, gently asked, Is there anything youd like? Dont be shy.
Without missing a beat, Thomas replied, A Hornby train set.
Now, that wasnt a cheap present by any means. Ill admit, I was quite taken aback. His mum had just diedthe closest person in his worldand yet all he was thinking about was a toy train? How could he?
My parents got him the train set without hesitation. And then it began: Can I have a Walkman? Some Levis? A branded jacket? This was the 1980s, when such things werent just expensive; they were near impossible to find. Still, my parents scraped together the money, giving up treats for me and my brother, so Thomas wouldnt go without. We understood, and never complained.
By the time Thomas was sixteen, girls became his new obsession. My cousin was quite the charmer. Disturbingly, he even started making advances towards mehis own cousin. But I was an athlete and could fend him off. Sometimes our tussles ended in tears and bitter arguments.
I never told my parentsI didnt want to upset them. Some subjects are still hard for children to broach, even now.
After one too many rebuffs, Thomas shifted his attention to my friends instead, and, to my dismay, they competed for his affections.
It didnt stop there. Thomas also stoleshamelessly and boldly. I saved up my lunch money to buy gifts for my parents, but one day my piggy bank was empty. Thomas denied everything, didnt so much as blush, and looked at me like I was crazy for accusing him. My heart was in tattershow could someone steal from their own family? Thomas seemed to think the world owed him something. Thats when hatred took root, and I exploded:
Leave our family! Just go!
I lashed out at Thomas with words that cut deepmore than I could ever recall.
Mum barely managed to calm me down. From that day forward, Thomas ceased to exist in my eyes. I ignored him completely. Only later did I find out the rest of the family already knew what kind of person Thomas had become. They lived nearby and had seen his true colours; we lived further away and hadnt realised.
Thomass old teachers had even warned my parents: Youre carrying quite a burden. Hell drag your children down with him.
At his new school, Thomas met Alicea girl who would love him dearly all her life. She married him right after sixth form, and together they had a daughter. Alice put up with all his moods, his constant lies, and his endless flings. As the old saying goes, Once trouble comes, it never leaves alone.
Thomas took full advantage of Alices devotion, never really appreciating what he had.
He was later drafted, sent to serve with the British Army in Gibraltar. There, he started another familyhow, Ill never know, but he somehow found time during leave. After leaving the Army, he stayed abroad, as hed fathered a son, but Alice eventually travelled out and fought tooth and nail to bring him home.
My parents never received so much as a word of thanks from Thomas for taking him in, though thats not why they did it.
Now, Thomas Edward is sixty years old. Hes a regular at the village church. He and Alice have five grandchildren.
From the outside, it all looks fine. But the taste of bitterness left by Thomass betrayals has never really faded.
Some wounds, no matter how much you try to sweeten them, linger deep inside. Time can dull the pain, but only gratitude and kindness can truly heal a familys heart.












