I never wished to live with my daughters family, and now, looking back, I will tell you why.
Long ago, my daughter and her husband found themselves without a home. Their flat was rendered uninhabitable after severe flooding, and it needed extensive repairs. Naturally, they had nowhere else to turn, so my soon-to-be daughter and her family came to stay with me.
It was clear there were no other options, so I opened my doors to them. Still, after some earnest talks with my daughter and son-in-law, we all agreed this living arrangement was to be temporarysimply something forced by circumstance. They intended to return to their own place as soon as it was possible.
My daughter is a wonderful woman and her husband, Charles, is far from a fool; both of them saw reason in my view: a family is its own entity, and everyone else, even close relations, exist somewhat apart from it. I do take this quite seriously, and perhaps now I might explain my point of view.
You see, I have my own rhythm to life, so different from that of my daughter and Charles. For instance, Im quite at ease sharing space with my daughter, but her husband is, after all, an outsider in my home, yet he too deserves privacy. Take, for example, my habit of falling asleep with the telly on, or when my daughter and Charles wished to have visitors overno sense in quarrelling over such things. Each of us keeps house differently, and squabbles over unwashed plates seem trivial yet have the power to tarnish even the warmest relationships.
Our priorities at mealtime also diverged completely. And unexpected visitorswell, that was always an adventure. Its no secret that, in such situations, someone might be tempted by anothers delicacies in the pantry. Of course, fastening a lock to ones larder isnt the answer.
Conflicting routines for rest were a bother, too. I would find myself tiptoeing about so as not to disturb, but people seldom think much of others sleep. When rest is lacking, tempers fray and headaches followsometimes, all it takes is the tiniest spark to cause a row.
Whats more, I never wished to judge the lives of my daughter and her husband. I did my best to teach her all I could, but now, Id prefer only to see the side of their life they wish me to see, not more. That becomes nearly impossible when one shares a roof and daily life.
Most importantly, I wish to choose for myself when and how I am able to help, and to do it freely, of my own accord. Its important to keep some time for ones own self, after all.
