Convenient Grannies
Margaret Collins woke up to laughter. Not a quiet laugh, nor a muffled giggle, but a booming, rather unseemly cackle for a hospital wardexactly the sort of sound that had made her bristle all her life. The laughter belonged to her bed neighbour, who was clutching her mobile to her ear, waving her free arm around as if her caller could see every gesture.
Lynn, youre a riot! No, honestly, he actually said that? Out loud? In front of everyone?
Margaret glanced at her watch. Quarter to seven in the morning. Still fifteen minutes till they were supposed to get upfifteen minutes that could have been spent in peace, collecting her thoughts before her surgery.
The night before, when she was first wheeled into the ward, her neighbour was already in bed, tapping rapidly at her phone. Theyd barely exchanged greetingsGood evening, Hellothen retreated into their own thoughts. Margaret had been grateful for the silence. And nowthis circus.
Excuse me, she said quietly but firmly. Would you mind keeping it down?
The woman turned. Her face was round, hair cropped tight and left defiantly grey, bright pyjamas dotted with big red spotseven in a hospital!
Oh, Lynn, Ill call you back. Im getting told off, she said into the phone, then turned to Margaret with a grin, Sorry! Im Patricia Green. Did you sleep all right? I never manage a wink before an operation, so I end up ringing everyone under the sun.
Margaret Collins. And just because youre up doesnt mean everyone else wants to be.
But youre up now, Patricia winked. Ill whisper. Promise.
She didnt, of course. By breakfast, shed called two more people, and if anything, her voice got even louder. Margaret ostentatiously rolled away towards the wall, pulling her blanket up over her head. Didnt help.
My daughter called, Patricia explained over the untouched breakfast, Worried sick about the op. Bless her. I keep trying to reassure her, you know?
Margaret kept quiet. Her own son hadnt called. Hed warned her ahead of time: important meeting first thing. Shed raised him herself: work is important, work always comes first.
Patricia was taken for surgery first. She waved down the hallway in goodbye, shouting something to the nurse, who only laughed. Margaret thought how nice it would be if they moved Patricia to a different ward after they were both done.
She herself was taken an hour later. The anaesthetic never agreed with her. She came round feeling nauseous and sore down her right side. The nurse told her it had all gone well, just to hang in there. Margaret could hang in. Shed spent her whole life hanging in.
That evening, once she was wheeled back in, Patricia was already in her bed, face ashen, eyes shut, a drip attached to her arm. Silent. For the first time, really silent.
How are you? Margaret found herself asking, though shed meant not to start a conversation.
Patricia opened her eyes and managed a weak smile.
Still breathing. You?
The same.
They fell silent together. Dusk was creeping in at the window, IVs ticking away.
Sorry about this morning, Patricia said softly. Whenever Im anxious, I just cant stop nattering. I know its annoying, but I cant help myself.
Margaret wanted to say something biting but was too drained. Instead, she managed, Its all right.
That night, neither slept. Both were in pain. Patricia didnt make a single call, lying quiet, but Margaret could hear her rustling and sighing. Once, it seemed, she was cryingvery quietly, into her pillow.
In the morning the doctor arrived, checked dressings, took temperatures, pronounced both of them doing brilliantly. Patricia instantly reached for her phone.
Lynn! Im alive, honestly, nothing to worry about. How are the kids? What? Kieran had a bit of a temp? But hes better now? Didnt I tell you, nothing to panic about.
Margaret couldnt help but listen. The kidsmust mean grandchildren. Daughter reporting in.
Her own mobile was silent. She checked ittwo texts from her son, yesterday evening while she was still groggy: Mum, hows it gone? and Text when youre able. She typed back, All fine. Added a smiley face. Her son always insisted on emojissaid otherwise, everything looked cold.
Three hours later came his reply: Fantastic! Love you.
Dont your lot come to visit? Patricia asked that afternoon.
My sons busy. Lives quite far. Anyway, theres no needIm not a child.
Youre right, Patricia agreed. Same heremy daughter goes, Mum, you can manage, youre grown-up. Why come if nothings wrong, really?
Something in Patricias voice made Margaret look at her. Patricia smiled but her eyes didnt join in.
How many grandkids have you got?
Three. Kierans eldest, eight. Then Molly and Leothree and four. Want to see photos? Patricia rummaged for her phone.
She showed off pictures for nearly twenty minutes. Kids at the coast, kids in the garden, kids blowing the candles out. In every single photo, Patricia was right therehugging, kissing, pulling funny faces. Her daughter wasnt in a single one.
Shes always behind the camera, Patricia explained. Hates being photographed.
Do they come round much?
I practically live with them. Daughters at work, son-in-laws flat-out, so I… help out. School runs, homework, tea, you know?
Margaret nodded. It sounded achingly familiar. For the first few years after her grandson was born, she helped daily too. Then her grandson grew; she visited less often. Now, maybe once a month, on Sundays, if plans lined up.
And you?
One grandson. Nine. Does well at school, plays football.
See him often?
Sometimes on Sundays. Theyre busy. I get it.
Yeah, Patricia turned to the window. Busy.
They sat in silence, listening to the soft drizzle outside.
That evening Patricia said, I dont want to go home.
Margaret looked up. Patricia sat on her bed, arms wrapped round her knees, staring at the floor.
I really dont. The more I think about it, the less I want to.
Why?
What for? Ill turn up, and Kieran will be behind on his homework; Molly has a cold, Leos ripped his trousers again. My daughters working late, son-in-laws away half the time. Ill be washing, cooking, minding the grandkids. And they dont evennot even a thank you. Because its just what a grans meant to do.
Margaret said nothing. There was a lump in her throat.
Sorry, Patricia wiped her eyes. Bit pathetic, really.
Dont apologise, Margaret replied quietly. I retired five years ago. Thought Id finally do something for myself. Go to the theatre, see some exhibitions. Even signed up for a French course. Lasted two weeks.
And?
My daughter-in-law went on maternity leave. Asked for help. Youre a gran, youre not working, its not hard for you. I couldnt say no.
How did it go?
Three yearsevery day. Then nurseryso every other day. Then schoolonce a week. Now… now they barely need me. Got a nanny. I just sit at home, waiting for them to callif they dont forget.
Patricia nodded.
My daughter was meant to visit last November. I cleaned the house from top to bottom, baked pies. She called: Mum, sorry, Kierans got football, cant make it.
Didnt come?
Didnt come. Gave the pies to the neighbours.
They sat quietly again, the rain pattering on the glass.
You know what stings? Patricia finally said. Its not that they dont come. Its that I still wait. I sit with the phone, thinkingmaybe this time theyll ring just to say they miss me. For no reason at all.
Margaret felt her nose prickle.
I do the same. Every time the phone rings, I hope my sons just calling for a chat. But no. Its always for something practical.
And we always step in, Patricia gave a wry smile. Because thats what mums do.
The next day was for dressing changes. Both felt sore. Lying quietly, Patricia spoke up:
I always believed I had a happy family. Daughter I adored, kind son-in-law, grandkids the joy of my life. That I was needed. That they couldnt manage without me.
And now?
And now, lying here, Ive realised they manage perfectly well. In four days, never once has my daughter moaned about it being hard. She sounds chirpy, in fact. Means they can cope. Having a granbuilt-in, free childminderjust makes things easier.
Margaret sat up a little.
I think Ive done this to myself. Ive taught my son that Ill always help, always drop everything, always be there on call. That my plans dont matter, his do.
I did exactly the same, Patricia agreed. Daughter calls, I drop everything and race over.
We taught them were not our own people, Margaret said slowly. That we have no life of our own.
Patricia nodded, silent for a moment. So, now what?
I havent a clue.
By the fifth day, Margaret could stand up unassisted. By the sixth, she managed the length of the corridor and back. Patricia trailed by a day, but kept pace doggedly. They shuffled along the corridor together.
After my husband died, I felt so lost, Patricia confided. Thought life was over, but my daughter said, Mum, now you have a new purposethe grandchildren! So I lived for them. Only, its all one-wayyou give, they take. For them, Im there when its convenient.
Margaret told her about her divorce. Thirty years earlier, when her son was five. How she raised him alone, studied at night, worked two jobs.
I thought if I could be a perfect mum, hed be a perfect son. That if I gave everything, hed be thankful.
And he grew up, got on with his life, Patricia finished.
Yes. And thats normal, probably. I just didnt expect to feel so lonely.
Nor did I.
On the seventh day, her son came to visit, unannounced. Margaret was sitting reading when he appeared in the doorwaytall, in an expensive overcoat, holding a bag of fruit.
Hi Mum! he said with a grin, kissing her forehead. How are you feeling? Better?
Much better.
Great! The doctor said youll be home in three days. Thought maybe youd come stay with us? Lisa said the guest rooms empty.
Thank you, but Id rather be at home.
Sure, up to you. But call if you need a lift.
He stayed twenty minutes, talked about work, her grandson, and his new car, asked if she needed any money, promised hed pop by in a weekand left as quickly as hed come, relief written all over his face.
Patricia lay on her bed pretending to sleep. Once the door clicked shut, she finally opened her eyes.
Yours?
Mine.
Handsome chap.
Yes.
Cold as ice, though.
Margaret didnt answer. Her throat felt tight.
You know, Patricia murmured, maybe its time we stopped waiting for them to give us love. Just… let go. Understand theyve got their lives, and we need to find ours.
Easier said than done.
Hard to do, but what else is there? Or else well just sit here waiting for them to remember us.
What did you say to them? Margaret asked suddenly, using you informally for the first time.
To my daughter? Told her the doctor said I need two weeks rest when Im out. No lifting, no helping with the kids.
And she?
First, she kicked up a fuss. I said, Lynn, youre an adult, youll manage. I just cant right now.
Did she get upset?
Oh, furious, Patricia chuckled. But you know what? I felt lighterlike someone took a huge weight off my chest.
Margaret shut her eyes.
Im scared. If I say no, if I refuse, theyll be offended. Might stop calling altogether.
Do they call often now?
Silence.
There you go. Cant get much worse. Might as well try getting better.
On the eighth day, they were both discharged, at the same time. They packed silently, as though saying goodbye forever.
Lets swap numbers, Patricia suggested.
Margaret nodded. They entered each others numbers. Stood, hesitating.
Thanks, Margaret said. For being here.
And thank you. You know, I havent had a real heart-to-heart in thirty years. Not like this.
Me neither.
They hugged, awkwardly, careful of stitches. The nurse brought discharge papers, called a taxi. Margaret left first.
Her house was still and empty. She unpacked, took a shower, lay down on the sofa. Checked her phone. Three messages from her son. Mum, you home yet? Ring when youre back, Dont forget your tablets.
She wrote back, Home now. All good. Put the phone down.
She got up, opened the cupboard, pulled out a folder untouched for five years. Brochure for French courses, printed list of concert dates at the Town Hall. She stared at the brochure, thinking.
Her phone rang. Patricia.
Hi! Sorry to call so soon. Just… felt like it.
Im glad. Really glad.
How about we meet up? When were stronger. In a week or so. Café, or just walk somewhere. If youre up for it?
Margaret looked at the brochure in her hands, back at the phone, back again.
Id love that. To be honest, how about Saturday? Im already tired of sitting at home.
Saturday? Really? The doctor said
I know what they said. But Ive spent thirty years looking after everyone else. Its time to think about myself now.
Deal. Saturday it is.
They said goodbye. Margaret set her phone down, picked up the brochure again. French classes started in a month. Enrolment was still open.
She grabbed her laptop, hands shaking a little, and began filling in the application form. She did it, right to the end.
Outside it was raining, but through the clouds, the sun was peeking throughweak, autumn sun, but sun all the same.
And thats when I realisedmaybe my life is only just beginning. I sent off my enrolment, and promised myself: from now on, I come first, too.












