When my husband and I were struggling to make ends meet, my mother-in-law bought herself a fur coat, a new television, and lived like a queen.
But, years later, life had a way of turning things around.
At eighteen, I found out I was pregnant. My parents weren’t supportivethey said I was far too young to be having a baby. My husband had just joined the army. Both my grandmothers seemed to agree:
“The baby is your responsibility.”
“Im not looking after your child,” my mum told me.
My mother-in-law wouldn’t even speak to me. I ended up moving in with my fathers sister, Aunt Margaret.
She was thirty-eight at the time, had no children of her own, and dedicated her life to her career. She never judged my parents:
“I do understand them,” she told me. “When you were born, things were very tough for them. They worked hard just to get by. There were days they could barely afford a loaf. Your father used to unload lorries at night for extra money.
“But things are different now. Your dads got a good job, they have a flat in Islington, a decent salary each. And here I am, about to have a baby myself.”
“Do you think theyll ever come round?” I asked my aunt.
“They just want to finally think about themselves. Dont be too hard on them. In time, they might regret it.”
No help came from my parents. I packed all I owned and moved into Aunt Margarets spare room.
When my husband returned from the army, our son was a year and a half old. While he was away, my mother-in-law never once came to visit, and my parents only managed two brief visits.
My husband worked as a car mechanic, hoping to continue his studies as well, but it was just too much. We remained at Aunt Margarets, who was a blessing. Eventually, when my son started primary school and I managed to find a job, Aunt Margaret had to relocateher work took her to Manchester. Thats when we moved into a rented place of our own.
Sometime later, my husbands gran passed away.
His mother sold that flat, splurged on new furniture and redecorated just as she liked. My husband implored her not to sell, even offered to pay her a monthly sum and buy it back later, but she wouldnt budge.
“Why should I give up my chance to finally live for myself? Ive wanted to redecorate for years! Are you going to do it for me?” she retorted to my husbands plea.
Five years on, we welcomed our daughter. It was clear we needed a place of our own. My husband started working overseas. Saving for a deposit wasnt easy. The children and I stayed in our rented flat.
Meanwhile, my mother was left alone in her three-bedroom council flatmy father had divorced her two years earlier. Still, she insisted there was no space for me or her grandchildren. Moving in with my mother-in-law was out of the questionshe was constantly redecorating and hadnt shown any interest in helping.
My husband worked abroad for several years, and, at last, we managed to buy a flat. No one helped usnot a penny.
Now, our eldest is finishing Year 8, and our daughter is in Year 3. We truly know the value of moneyweve saved every pound and penny. Lifes different now. Each of us has a car, and we holiday by the seaside every summer.
But the only person to whom we are really grateful is Aunt Margaret. She knows she can ring us anytime and well be there.
Our parents, however, have fallen on harder times. Mum lost her job, and she phoned recently to ask for help. I declined.
My mother-in-law is in a similar situation. Retired, she didnt want to scale back her lifestyle. She blew through what she made from selling her flat years ago. My husband refused to help as well. He told her, “Sell your big, newly done-up flat and get a one-bed place.”
We owe nothing to anyone. We treat our children differently from the way our parents treated us: well always be there for them, whatever the problem. I believe thats how you build trust and lovea lesson our parents never learned, but one we intend to pass on.
