I gave my surname to her children. Now Im legally obliged to support them while she lives happily ever after with their biological father.
Let me tell you how I went from being the fun guy to the official cash machine for two kids who only message me when they need money for the cinema but ignore me at Christmas.
It all started three years ago. I met Rebecca an amazing woman, divorced, with two children aged 8 and 10. I fell head over heels for her. Completely besotted. She was always saying things like,
The kids absolutely adore you!
And me, being the gullible fool that I am, believed her. Of course they loved me every Saturday and Sunday Id take them to theme parks.
One day, during one of those heavy conversations, Rebecca looked at me and said,
Its such a pity the kids dont have their fathers surname. He never officially acknowledged them, you know.
And I, at the height of my shining brilliance (thats sarcasm), replied,
Well I could adopt them. They feel like my own, anyway.
You know that moment in films when time freezes and a voiceover says, Thats when he knew it was all about to go wrong?
I didnt get that voice. I really should have.
Rebecca burst into tears of joy. The kids hugged me. I felt like a hero. A stupid hero, but a hero nonetheless.
We went through the whole process solicitors, offices, judges. The kids officially became William Carter and Sophie Carter with MY surname.
I was happy. Rebecca was happy. We even held a small family ceremony with cake.
Six months later. SIX.
Rebecca says to me,
We need to talk I dont know how to say this, but Marks come back.
Mark who? I ask, though I already know.
The kids biological father. Hes changed. Hes grown up. He wants his family back.
I was speechless. Literally.
So what are you going to do?
Im going to give him a chance. For the kids, you know?
Of course, I understood. I understood as clearly as if someone had pointed me to the exit with a flashing neon sign.
But Rebecca, I ADOPTED them. Theyre legally my children.
Yes, yes well sort that out later. The most important thing now is that the kids have a father.
Well sort that out later.
As if its an overdue electricity bill.
I visited my solicitor. The man nearly choked on his tea.
You signed complete adoption papers?
Yes.
Then youre their dad. All the duties maintenance, school, healthcare, the lot.
But Im not with their mum anymore
Doesnt matter. Youre their father. Thats how the law works.
Fast forward to now Im paying maintenance to Rebecca, whos blissfully living with Mark in MY flat. Because, apparently, the children need stability and shouldnt be uprooted.
MY flat. Paid for by me. But I left, because it would be too traumatic for the children if she moved out.
The kicker?
Mark phantom father who hadnt contributed a penny for years now takes them to the park, out for football, plays the family man.
And every month, I get an email from the solicitor:
Transferred maintenance payment: £XXX
With a sad face emoji. Not exactly comforting.
Last month William messaged me:
Hi, could you send a bit more? I want some new trainers.
Cant Mark buy them for you?
He said youre my legal dad. Hes just dad because he loves us.
Dad at heart.
How convenient. Im the dad by direct debit.
Adoption is almost impossible to reverse. The court would see me as a villain trying to abandon his children.
My friends have long since given up feeling sorry for me.
Mate, at what point did you think this was a good idea?
I was in love.
Being in love shouldnt mean switching your brain off, you know.
Hes right.
Now, every time I see a bloke with kids that arent his, I want to shout:
DONT SIGN ANYTHING! BE A FUN UNCLE, A BOYFRIEND, WHATEVER JUST DONT SIGN!
My mum just said,
Love made you foolish,
and hugged me so tight it somehow hurt even more.
Yesterday, again:
Unexpected expense: school supplies £XXX
Unexpected. As if school doesnt happen every single year.
And Rebecca posts photos of their happy family.
The kids with MY surname standing beside the man who walked out on them.
The highlight?
Sophie (aged 10 yes, shes on Instagram now) has written in her bio:
Daughter of Rebecca and Mark
My name? Nowhere.
Im just the anonymous sponsor of their lives.
So here I am alone, £500 lighter each month, with two kids who only message when they want money, fully aware I made the biggest mistake of my life because I fell in love.
The only silver lining is that when people ask if I have children, I can say yes and tell this story at dinner parties. Everyone laughs.
I only laugh on the outside.
And you? Ever signed something for love that ended up costing you dearly… or am I the only genius who gave away his surname and bank account in one special offer?












