You know, Natalie says to her daughter, choosing her words carefully. Grownups sometimes act even sillier than children.
Dad doesnt want to introduce me to the aunt he loves, does he? Sophie asks in a low voice.
I dont think its that he refuses. Maybe they havent sorted out the logistics yet, or perhaps Olivia is a little shy.
Shy? Im not going to bite.
Other peoples children are always a responsibility. Not everyone feels ready for that.
Natalie stands in the hallway, watching Sophie rush to meet her father.
Sophie’s phone buzzes in her pocket. She jerks upright, snatches the handset, and instantly looks away.
Hes not coming? Natalie asks.
He said works swamped, Sophie mutters, eyes still on the floor. Hell try another time.
Right. Get changed.
Natalie slips into the kitchen to keep the conversation short. She fills the kettle, presses the switch, and lets the whir of boiling water drown out her thoughts.
Its been eight years since the divorce, and Daniel still carries the unofficial title of moodbreakerinchief.
The first three years of their marriage felt like a fairytale: flowers for no reason, lazy Sunday breakfasts, and surprise gifts. Natalie believed she had drawn a lucky ticket.
When she got pregnant, Daniel would carry her around the flat.
But in the hospital, the first call rings and she brushes it aside.
The doctor fills out the newborns chart while Daniel stands nearby, pale and tense. Hes present at the birth.
Whats her blood group? the newly nervous dad asks.
The girls second factor is negative, the doctor replies matteroffactly.
Daniels brow furrows.
How? he asks, his voice cracking with surprise. Mine is positive, Natalies is positive too.
Where does the minus come from? Youve got the numbers wrong.
The doctor pushes his glasses up, rubs his nose.
Remember highschool biology, Dad. The Rh factor can be tricky. If both of you carry a hidden negative gene, the child can end up negative. Its normal.
Are you sure? Daniel squints. No mistake?
The tests dont lie.
Later, Daniel calls Natalie a hundred times, demanding an explanation. Natalie repeats the doctors words over and over, sending him links. He seems to calm down, but
The trouble begins after Daniel is discharged. He changes.
Daniel has diabetes, and Natalie has always watched his diet, reminding him about insulin. Suddenly he starts acting like a teenager whos just discovered freedom.
Im off to football, he shouts, slinging his bag over his shoulder.
Daniel, what football? Your blood sugars spiking; the doctor said you need a strict regime.
Dont start, will you? Im a man, I need to move. Your caring smothers me.
He returns home late. One night he walks in trembling, his face white, sweat pouring down a hypoglycaemic episode.
Natalie, ignoring Sophies cries, darts around with orange juice and glucose tablets.
Where have you been? she asks as he steadies himself.
I told you I was at football. I ran a few rounds.
Until two in the morning?
We sat and talked afterwards. Youre starting again? Its all fine.
Natalie wants to believe. She sits alone, stroking Sophies tiny hands, convincing herself its just a phase, that hes just exhausted.
Soon the little girl will grow up and everything will settle
It doesnt. The phone rings most evenings, usually former colleagues girls from accounts, managers. Natalie kept friendships while she worked.
Nat, hi, you busy?
Hi, Im fine. Whats up?
Nothing much just checking in. By the way, is Daniel staying late at the office tonight?
Probably. Why?
Just Kate giggles. Dont get the wrong idea, but hes been hanging out with the new girl, Veronica, all evening, laughing and all that.
They see each other way too often. Theyve gone to the afterwork drinks together a bunch of times, and he touches her waist
Natalie feels her fingers go cold.
Kate, cut it out. Maybe theyre just working on a project together.
Youre the boss of this, Im just giving a headsup.
Natalie hangs up and sighs. Gossip. They could write a novel. She is convinced Daniel loves her; hes just sociable. She jokes with friends, pretends complete confidence in her husband. Inside, anxiety builds. A year and a half after Sophies birth everything collapses.
Natalie gets invited to a big corporate party. Her parents agree to watch Sophie.
She puts on a dress that she thinks hides the postbirth changes, does her makeup. She craves a night out, wants to feel part of a world beyond nappies and porridge.
She goes with Daniel, but he slips away almost immediately.
Im going to say hi to the crew, he says and melts into the crowd.
Natalie chats with colleagues, smiles, accepts compliments, but she keeps scanning for Daniel. An hour passes, then two. Hes nowhere.
She starts looking. She checks the main hall, the lounge empty. She heads to the side corridor by the staff exit, usually quieter.
There, in the shadow behind a huge ficus, she spots them. Theyre not kissing that would be too obvious but theyre standing close, whispering. Olivia is touching the lapel of Daniels jacket, and he leans his head onto her shoulder, smiling with the same grin he once gave Natalie.
It looks like a schoolyard secret. Natalie freezes. It feels as if a bucket of icy water has been poured over her head; her breath catches.
She doesnt make a scene, doesnt shout. She simply turns, walks to the exit, flags a cab, and drives home to Sophie.
Daniel returns at dawn.
Why did you leave? he asks, tugging at his tie. I was looking for you.
Natalie looks at him, knowing theres nothing to say.
I saw you two behind the ficus.
He pauses, then waves it off.
Oh, what? We were just talking. Youre imagining things. Youre being paranoid, Nat.
No need, she says quietly. Just no need.
For a month she feels like shes walking through fog. Being in the same flat hurts physically. When he finally packs his things and leaves to have some space because youre so nervous, the air in the flat feels cleaner.
The divorce finalises quickly. Daniel vanishes from all contact almost instantly.
The first year he doesnt call at all. Not once.
Sophie is two and a half, sometimes asks, Wheres Daddy? and Natalie calmly answers, Dads at work. She isnt lying, just not giving details.
Natalies mother helps with Sophie, and Natalie returns to work. She works hard to be independent, and it pays off. Money is enough. They live apart, each in their own flat, take separate holidays.
She never pursues child support she doesnt want to chase him, feel humiliated, or chase paperwork. Pride? Maybe a bit of disgust.
Then one evening Daniel calls.
Im Dad, he declares. I have a right to see my child.
Natalie doesnt block him. If you want, you can see her. She isnt going to become the angry ex who bans visits.
Fine, she says. Come Saturday.
He starts turning up, irregularly but nonetheless. He pays for Sophies ballet lessons and extra English classes. Its his way of checking the good dad box he doesnt involve himself in parenting, just throws money at activities.
Sophie clings to him. To her, hes a holidaymaker: gifts, cinema, cafés.
How much does a child need? Natalie watches philosophically the main thing is that her daughter has at least some father figure.
Sophie wanders into the kitchen, now in a cozy housecoat, eyes rimmed red.
Mum, why is he like that? she asks softly, sitting at the table.
What do you mean, love?
He promises things and never keeps them.
Natalie sighs.
People are different, Sophie. Dad isnt cruel; he just cant plan.
He said its because of you, Sophie blurts out.
Natalie freezes, cup in hand.
What?
He told me on the phone, Your mum always messes up plans, pushes you, thats why we cant meet.
Natalie sets the cup down slowly.
Sophie, she looks her daughter straight in the eyes. Have I ever stopped you from seeing your dad?
No.
Have I ever spoken badly about him?
Sophie shakes her head.
No.
Then decide for yourself who to believe the facts or the words.
The story about a new aunt has been dragging on for six months. Sophie once came home from a weekend with Dad and said,
Dad lives with Aunt Olivia. Shes lovely, Ive seen pictures. They even have a cat.
Natalie just shrugged. They live together, so what? She didnt care. But Sophie became obsessed with meeting her.
Mum, I want to be friends with her. Dad says shes nice.
Natalie dials Daniel.
Dan, Sophie knows about your girlfriend. She wants to meet her. What do you think?
A pause.
Im not sure, Daniel says. Its a bit early, I guess. Im not ready. Lets talk later.
Later stretches into a month. Daniel flips between wanting to introduce her and backing out.
She really wants to meet Sophie! he told a friend a week ago. She dreams about it.
How about next weekend? We could go to the park, or a pizza place.
Alright, Natalie agrees. Sort it out with Sophie.
And another cancellation.
Natalie steps onto the balcony, needing a private conversation. Daniel finally picks up, his tone irritated, a song playing softly in the background.
Hello, Nat, Im busy, what do you want?
Busy? she repeats. You just told Sophie you had work piled up, yet I hear music. Are you at a bar?
Im at a meeting, he snaps. I have the right to unwind.
Fine, just dont lie to the child. And dont tell her Im to blame for the missed meetup.
Whos to blame? Daniel snaps back. Youre always micromanaging. What time you pick her up, what time you drop her off. Youre pressuring me.
Olivias scared to get involved because youre unreasonable.
Unreasonable? Natalie chuckles. Daniel, lets stick to facts. Sophie was ready in an hour. You called at the last minute. Is that my fault?
Or maybe your Olivia just doesnt want to meet your child from a previous marriage, and youre too scared to admit it?
Dont talk about Olivia like that! he yells. She wants to! Its just circumstances!
What circumstances? Thats the fifth time this week!
Daniel, stop messing with the girls head. If your lady isnt ready to see a stepchild, thats her choice. But have the courage to tell Sophie the truth, or at least come up with a better excuse than blaming me.
You always make things complicated, he mutters. You cant even find a proper man, so youre angry that my lifes fine.
He hangs up.
That night, after Sophie is asleep, Natalie replayes the conversation in her head. Shes fed up smoothing over the bumps. She types a message to her ex:
From now on, any arrangement must go through me, with at least a 24hour notice. If you promise Sophie a meeting and cancel at the last minute, the next visit wont happen for a month. I wont let you turn her into a nervous wreck. If you want to introduce her to Olivia, give a specific date, time, and place. If Olivia refuses, thats it. Ill explain it to Sophie myself. No more later or maybe. Good night.
He replies within a minute, just as she expected:
Whatever. Those meetings matter more to you than to me.
Natalie bans Daniel from seeing Sophie without a court order. When he pushes again, she firmly states any future contact must be mediated. Daniel never files for custody the cost and time arent worth it, and his new fling isnt keen on meeting a stepdaughter.
Sophie suffers, but Natalie does everything she can so her daughter never feels deprived.
