The day my nan married the son of the man whod left her at the altar.
My nan is 89 years old and has just managed to become the centre of the greatest scandal our village has seen since the time old George nicked the takings from the summer fête. Honestly, you think youve seen it all in a village like ourscancelled weddings, a punch-up at the leavers ball, even that time the church roof collapsedbut this, THIS, tops the lot.
It all started when my nan met an elderly gentleman at the local pensioners club.
Hes an absolute gentleman, love, she kept telling me as she dabbed on pale pink lipstick. And he can still drive.
Nan, hes 91. Should he really be behind the wheel?
Oh, dont fuss. At least hes got his own car.
The romance was whirlwind. Three weeks in, and he proposed with a ring. Okay, it was a bit of costume jewellery, but it was the thought that counted.
Im getting married Saturday, Nan announced at our family Sunday lunch.
Mum nearly choked on her roast beef.
Saturday?! Thats in five days!
Exactly. At my age, you dont have time to dawdle. What if I kick the bucket on Friday?
We bought her a dresslovely pearl colour, simple but classy. Booked the church hall, ordered the cake. One of the cousins even crafted the flowers out of crepe paper.
The big day arrived. Nan looked stunningher dress, her pearl necklace inherited from her own mum, and a smile Id not seen in years.
The hall was buzzing. Light music played. The vicar was flicking through his order of service. Everything seemed spot on.
Except the groom never showed up.
We waited twenty minutes.
Then forty.
After an hour, one of the cousins went round to his house.
He came back alone, looking like hed just heard the worlds worst news.
He says he cant do it.
A low rumble went through the hall. Nan looked ghostly.
What do you mean, he cant?
Says hes scared. Says hes too old, might get ill and be a burden. Says its for the best.
Nan sat there, clutching her bouquet of white roses.
Then the doors burst open. In marched a man of about sixty-seven, smartly dressed, thick silver hair, looking utterly furious.
Wheres the bride?
And you are? one of the uncles asked, standing up.
Im the son of the man who just left this fine lady in the lurch.
We all stared, completely gobsmacked.
He strode right over to Nan and took off his hat.
Ive come to apologise on behalf of my family. This isnt forgivable.
Nan looked him dead in the eyes.
How old are you, young man?
Sixty-seven.
Married?
Widowerfour years now.
Any children?
Three. All grown, all with families of their own.
Still working?
Im retired. Got my pension and a little bungalow.
Nan thought for a moment. Then she hauled herself up on her stick and hobbled over.
Tell meare you frightened of commitment, like your father?
No. I was married thirty-five years. Happiest days of my life.
And whats your opinion on marriage?
Its the best thing that can happen to anyone. My dads made the worst mistake ever passing up this chance.
Nan gave him a slow up-and-down, then turned to the lot of us.
The halls paid for. The foods paid for. The vicars here. The cake cost me a fortune
Nan, you cant possibly I started.
Would you do me the honour?
The place erupted. Shouts, laughter, someones drink went flying, another cousin was already filming on their mobile, not quite believing what was happening.
But Iyou
You came to defend my honour! And Im already dressed. Im hardly going to wear the frock again, am I? Sois it yes or no?
He let out a proper, hearty laugh.
My wife always said one day Id do something mad. Guess that days arrived. Lets do it.
And they got married.
Right there.
The vicar had to sit down a minute to collect himself. One of the aunts cried off her mascara. Mum couldnt decide whether to laugh, sob, or just sit in shock.
But married they were.
At the reception, while we carved up the cake (it originally had the first grooms name iced on top, but we covered it with sellotape and wrote the new name in felt-tip), I asked Nan:
Did you really just marry a man you met two hours ago?
She was beaming.
At 89, I havent got time for courtships. Hes polite, the pensions decent, and hes still got his own gallbladder. Do you think Im letting this slip through my fingers?
But Nan, hes 22 years younger!
Exactly! Hell outlive me. Someones got to look after my cats.
Its been three weeks. The chap who left her at the altar tried ringing to apologise. Her new husband answered and hung up on him.
Turns out, hes a better cook than Nan (shell never admit it), dances beautifully, and takes her to all her appointments in an ancient but spotless Ford.
Yesterday, I saw them in the park. He was pushing her wheelchair, she was berating him:
Steady on! This isnt the Grand Prix!
As you wish, Your Majesty.
Her ex-fiancé sent a wedding presenta blender. Nan raffled it off at bingo.
So you tell me: what sort of nan marries the sixty-seven-year-old son of the man who bailed on her at the altarand what sort of son says yes to wedding a woman who, five minutes ago, was set to become his stepmother?












