Looking back, I remember those strange days spent with a man who insisted that money was simply low energy. We were together for nearly two years, and up until three months before it all unraveled, everything had seemed ordinary enough. He had a job, contributed his fair share, and kept a steady routine. But then one evening, he came through the door with a peculiar look in his eye and declared hed had a spiritual awakening. His work, he said, no longer fit his true purpose. Within a week, hed handed in his notice.
At first, I stood by him. He told me he needed space to reconnect with himself, that modern life had worn him thin, and he wanted to live from the heart. Meanwhile, I kept up with my own job as usual. Id wake at the crack of dawn, rush out the door, and return home exhausted each night. He, meanwhile, spent his days lingering in the housemeditating, lighting incense, watching hours of personal growth videos. He called it self-healing.
A fortnight passed and he hadnt chipped in a penny for the rent. When I raised the subject, he assured me there was no need to worrythe Universe always provides. In this case, I soon realised, the Universe was me. I began covering all expenses on my own: the food, the bills, the bus fareeverything. Hed eat, enjoy the warmth and comforts of our home, use the internet, the water, the electricity, only to insist that he didnt believe in paying bills, claiming it was living from a place of fear.
One evening, after a particularly grueling day at work, I came home and found him sprawled out, listening to some abundance meditation recording. I told him it was time we talked about our finances. He informed me I was operating in a scarcity mindset, that my stress was attracting poor vibrations and I simply needed to let go of control. That hit a nerve. I told him this wasnt about controlit was about responsibility. He looked at me with a mournful shake of the head, saying I hadnt woken up yet.
He promised things would change soon, that hed start earning from his wisdomgiving long talks, personal sessions, something or other. Yet the weeks slipped by and nothing changed, except he turned his scrutiny more and more toward mecorrecting the way I spoke, thought, even reacted. If I said I was tired, I was vibrating too low. If I came home irritable, I was emotionally blocked.
Theres one memory that has never left me. Id hauled bags home from the grocers, set them on the table and asked if hed help unpack them. He replied that he was in the depths of meditation and couldnt break his energy flow. I kept silent. As I put the shopping away myself, I caught myself thinking: I didnt have a partner. I had an able-bodied man whod chosen to take no responsibility for his life.
Not long ago, I asked if hed consider finding workany work at all. He refused, saying he wouldnt bow down again to something that made him ill, just to cover bills. That I ought to understand, to support him as a conscious partner. I told him theres a difference between supporting someone and carrying a person who does nothing. He was offendedtold me I didnt believe in him.
Today, Im still working, Im still paying for everything, and I cant for the life of me figure out when being a girlfriend turned into sponsoring a spiritual internship in my own home. I dont know if Im his partner, or his spiritual benefactor. All I know is Im weary, and no matter how much incense I burn, the bills never pay themselves.
What am I meant to do?
