Couldn’t Find Room for Love —Girls, fess up, which one of you is Lily?—The young woman eyed me and my friend, mischief glinting in her look. —I’m Lily. What’s up?—I replied, baffled. —Letter for you, Lily. From Volodya.—The stranger pulled a crumpled envelope from her jacket and handed it to me. —From Volodya? Where is he?—I asked in surprise. —He’s been moved to an adult care home. Waited for you like a godsend, Lily—watched the door, hoping you’d come. He even showed me this letter so I could check for mistakes—didn’t want to embarrass himself before you. Well, I’ve got to run, lunchtime soon. I work here as a carer.—The girl glanced at me reproachfully, sighed, and hurried off. One summer, my friend and I wandered onto the grounds of an unfamiliar institution, sixteen and hungry for adventure in the holiday heat. We settled on a comfy bench, laughing and chatting, and didn’t notice two boys approaching. —Hi girls! Bored? Fancy a chat?—One held out his hand.—I’m Volodya. —I’m Lily. This is my friend Sue. And what’s your quiet mate called? —Leonard.—The second lad answered softly. They seemed almost old-fashioned, very proper. Volodya remarked, businesslike: —Girls, why such short skirts? And Sue, that’s quite a low neckline. —Hmm…Boys, don’t be cheeky! Eyes might wander off if you’re not careful.—Sue and I laughed. —Can’t help it, we’re lads. You smoke too?—Volodya pried with upright persistence. —Of course, but not properly!—We joked. It was then we noticed their difficulty walking—Volodya barely managed, and Leonard limped on one leg. —Are you here for treatment?—I guessed. —Yeah. I had a motorbike accident; Leonard took a bad dive off some rocks.—Volodya rattled off his practiced story.—We’ll be discharged soon. We believed their ‘accidents,’ but didn’t realise—they were children with disabilities, living in a closed care home, each rehearsed a story for outsiders. Volodya and Leonard were clever, well-read, wise beyond their years. Sue and I began visiting most weeks—not just out of pity but because we learned so much from them. We laughed, shared stories, and over time, little rituals emerged—Volodya brought me flowers from nearby beds, Leonard shyly handed Sue his origami handiwork. Together, we’d sit on that bench, Volodya beside me, Leonard, back turned, focused entirely on Sue. It was clear she enjoyed his gentle attention. The lazy, warm summer faded into a wet autumn. School resumed—final year for Sue and me. Caught up in studies and life, we forgot about Volodya and Leonard for a while. Exams behind us, prom night over, we found ourselves again at the home, hoping to see the boys, expecting flowers and origami—but we waited two hours in vain. Then, from the doors, that same carer approached and handed me Volodya’s letter. “Dearest Lily! My fragrant flower, my unreachable star! I fell for you at first sight, and every meeting was life itself. Half a year spent watching the window, hoping for you, but you forgot me. I’m grateful to know real love, but our paths diverge. I remember your velvet voice, enticing smile, tender hands…I wish I could see you just one more time. I want to breathe, but there isn’t enough air… Leonard and I turned eighteen, soon off to another home. Unlikely we’ll meet again. My soul’s in tatters! Hope I recover from loving you. Farewell, my precious!” Signed, “Forever yours, Vladimir.” Inside was a pressed flower. Shame and regret flooded me—I couldn’t change the past. That old saying rang in my head: “We are responsible for those we tame.” I never realised the passion Volodya felt. I simply couldn’t love him back—only friendly curiosity, nothing more. Yes, I teased, flirted a little, stoked the embers of his crush, but had no clue it’d become a burning love for him. Years have passed. Volodya’s letter has yellowed, the flower crumbled to dust, yet I remember innocent meetings, carefree talks, his laughter. There’s more—Sue was moved by Leonard’s difficult fate; abandoned by parents because of his difference—one leg much shorter than the other. Sue qualified as a special needs teacher, now works at the home, and Leonard is her beloved husband. They have two grown sons. As for Volodya, according to Leonard, he spent his life alone. Decades later, at forty, his mum visited, tears streaming as she saw her forgotten son—rekindled lost love and took him back to her village. After that, he vanished from their lives…

Author Walton MerrittReading 6 minViews 1

So, let me tell you this storyits a memory from my youth that Ive never quite shaken off. One lazy afternoon, my mate Alice and I were lounging about, just shooting the breeze after school. Suddenly, this woman with a knowing glint in her eye strode up to us. She looked us up and down and asked, Alright girls, which one of you is Lily? It caught us off guard a bit.

I blinked, Thats me. Whats this about?

She handed me a slightly crumpled envelope. Letter for you, Lily. Its from William. Then she added, Hes been sent to the adult residential place. Waited for you so long, Lilykept peering out the window. Had me read over his letter for mistakes so he wouldnt embarrass himself. Anyway, I must dash, lunch is soon. I work here as the caretaker. With a sigh and a knowing look, she hurried away, leaving me clutching that envelope.

Thing is, that summer Alice and I had wandered into the grounds of some unfamiliar institution, on the hunt for some holiday adventurewe were sixteen, after all, and school was out. We perched ourselves on a bench, giggling about nothing in particular, when these two lads approached us.

One stuck out his hand but with an earnest air, Hello, ladies! Fancy a chat? Im William.

I grinned, Im Lily. This is Alice. And your silent friend?

He nodded at the other boy, Leonard, who just mumbled a shy hello.

They seemed, honestly, a bit old-fashionedalmost impossibly proper. William shot us this serious look and said, Why do you girls wear such short skirts? And Alices top is rather…well, revealing.

We just burst out laughing. Boys, dont stare where you shouldnt, I teased, Or your eyesll go wandering all over the place!

William shook his head, not joining our playful mood. Hard not to look. Were blokes, its in our nature. Bet you smoke as well?

Alice and I played along, Of course! But we keep it light, joking more than anything.

Thats when we noticed: William moved slowly, almost awkwardly, and Leonard had a pronounced limp.

Are you here for treatment? I asked cautiously.

Yeah, William replied, rattling it off like a script. Motorbike accident for me, and Leonard got hurt diving from some rocks. He paused, sounding far too rehearsed. Well be leaving soon, all sorted.

Alice and I, young as we were, took their stories at face value. It never crossed our minds that William and Leonard were disabled since childhood, set to stay in care homes for the foreseeable. To them, our visits were probably a rare escapea sip of freedom.

Each week, wed pop back, partly because we felt sorry for the lads and partly because they were so clever and insightfulolder than their years, somehow. It became a bit of a tradition. William began to give me flowers from the nearby garden, and Leonard, timidly, handed Alice little origami animals hed made himself.

Wed gather on that same benchWilliam always close to me, Leonard quietly turning toward Alice, focusing all his attention on her. Shed go all flustered, but you could tell she enjoyed the gentle company. Wed sit there talking about absolutely everything and nothing at all.

Summer drifted byit was one of those sunny, endless ones. Then came autumn showers, and the holidays ended. Alice and I moved into our final year at school, swept up in exams and the buzz of uni applications. Honestly, we forgot all about William and Leonard for a while.

Eventually, the end of school arrivedthe intensity of revision, the bittersweet last bell, prom, and that intoxicating hopefulness that comes with summer. Alice and I found ourselves, almost by accident, back at the old place, so we decided to see the boys. We sat on our bench and waited for agestwo hours, in factbut they never appeared. Instead, the same woman as before whirled out and handed me the letter.

Inside was Williams neat handwriting:

Dearest Lily, My sweet English rose. Youre my distant star. Perhaps you never realised I fell for you at first sight. Every meeting was life itself to me. Half a year now, always looking out the window, hoping youd return. But you didnt. Such a shame. Were headed different ways, but Im gratefulI learned what love really means. I remember your velvet voice, cheeky smile, gentle hands. I feel lost without you, Lily. Wish I could see you just one more time. I want to breathe you in, but theres no air

Leonard and I are eighteen now. Theyre moving us to a new home come spring. Doubt well meet again. My hearts all torn up. Maybe Ill get over youmaybe not. Goodbye, my darling.

Signed, Forever yours, William.

A dried flower fell from the envelope.

I was mortified. My heart twistedI realised I couldnt change any of it, no matter how badly I wanted to. That old sayingyoure responsible for those you tamewhizzed through my mind. I hadnt guessed the storm that William felt inside. But honestly, I couldnt return his feelings; friendly curiosity, yes, but no real passion. I liked his company, teased him now and then, probably stoked those embers without thinking. I never imagined a bit of casual flirting could set off a fire like that.

Years have gone bythe letters yellowed, the flowers almost dust, but I still remember those innocent meetings, carefree chats, and Williams relentless banter that made us howl with laughter.

Theres a bit more to this tale. Alice got drawn to Leonards complicated story. His parents had rejected him because of his differencesone leg much shorter than the other since he was born. Alice went on to study teaching, works in a care home for disabled kids now, and Leonardwell, hes her beloved husband, dad to their two grown sons.

As for William, Leonard says he lived alone most of his life. When William was about forty, his mum finally found him in the care home. She broke down, showered him with the love shed forgotten, and whisked him off to the countryside. After that, the trail goes cold.

Funny how some moments stick with you forever, isnt it?

Towards a New Life: “Mum, how long are we going to be stuck in this backwater? We’re not even in a proper town – this is the middle of nowhere!” groaned my daughter as she walked in from the coffee shop, humming her favourite song. “I’ve told you a hundred times, Masha: this is our home, our roots. I’m not going anywhere,” Mum replied, stretching out on the sofa with her legs propped on a cushion – her so-called ‘Churchill at rest’ pose. “Oh, you and your roots! Give it ten years and you’ll have wilted, with another hopeless fella turning up for you to call Dad.” Stung, Mum got up and checked herself in the built-in wardrobe mirror. “My roots are fine!” “Well, they are for now. Another year or two and you’ll have to choose: turnip, pumpkin or sweet potato – pick a vegetable you fancy as a chef.” “Darling, if you want to leave, go. You’re old enough to do anything that’s legal. Why do you need me?” “For my conscience, Mum. If I leave for a better life, who’ll look after you?” “I’ve got my insurance, a steady wage, broadband – and I’m sure I’ll end up with some bloke, as you point out. It’s easy for you to move, you’re young and modern and teenagers don’t drive you nuts yet. Me? I’m halfway to Valhalla already.” “Ha! You joke like my mates, and you’re only forty…” “Why say it out loud? Ruin my day, why don’t you?” “In cat years, that’s just five,” Masha grinned. “You’re forgiven.” “Mum, let’s just go before it’s too late. There’s nothing holding us here.” “I fought to get our surname spelled right on the gas bill, and our GP surgery is round the corner,” came Mum’s final protest. “You can register anywhere, and we don’t have to sell the house. If it doesn’t work, we can come back. I’ll show you how real life is lived!” “The sonographer did warn me you’d never let me rest. Thought he was joking – no wonder he won bronze on Britain’s Psychic Challenge. Right then, let’s go. But if it doesn’t work out, you promise you’ll let me come home with no drama?” “Scout’s honour!” “Your co-author in the registry office gave me the same line – and you two have the same stubborn streak…” *** Masha and Mum skipped the nearest city and headed straight for London. Draining three years’ savings, they rented a studio flat wedged between a street market and a bus station, paying four months upfront. The money ran out before they knew it. Masha was calm and full of energy. Instead of unpacking, she threw herself into city life – creative, social, even nightlife. She was instantly at home: quick to make friends, picked up local slang and dress codes, and acted as though she’d never lived anywhere else. Meanwhile, Mum rode a daily cycle of calming tea in the morning and sleeping pills at night. Ignoring Masha’s pleas to explore, she plunged into job hunting, only to find London’s wages and rent were a bad joke. A quick calculation (no clairvoyant needed) told her they’d last six months, max. Sticking to what she knew, Mum got work as a cook at a private school, then evenings as a kitchen porter at the local café. “Not this again, Mum! Chained to the stove as always – what’s the point of the big city? You could retrain – be a designer, a sommelier, a brow-tech! Ride the tube, sip posh coffee, live a little.” “I’m just not up for retraining, Masha. You don’t worry, I’ll settle in eventually. Just make sure you do.” Masha sighed about her mother’s lack of ambition, but got on with ‘settling’ herself – hanging out in cafés on others’ tabs, forging mental and spiritual bonds with the city like some Instagram runes guru advised, chasing circles of people who talked of ‘success’ and ‘making it’. But she didn’t land a job or a boyfriend: girl and city had to suss each other out first. Four months in, Mum was paying rent from her earnings, quit her evening job, and started catering for another school. Masha had dropped a few courses, tried out for local radio, acted in a student film (payment: pasta and tinned beef), and had brief dalliances with two “musicians”: one was a total donkey, the other a tomcat with more kids than sense. *** “Mum, fancy pizza and a film tonight? I’m wiped – can’t face going out,” Masha yawned, doing her best impression of Churchill-at-rest while Mum powdered her nose. “You order it, I’ll transfer the money – don’t keep any for me, I doubt I’ll be hungry when I’m back.” “Back from where?” Masha sat up, frowning at her mum’s back. “I’ve been invited for dinner,” Mum giggled, suddenly shy. “By whom?” Masha scowled. “Some bloke from the school inspection team. I fed him your favourite chicken burgers, he asked to meet the head chef, we shared a laugh – head chef at a school! Anyway, we had coffee, and now he’s having me round for dinner.” “Are you mad? Going to a strange man’s HOUSE? For DINNER?” “Why not?” “Don’t you get it? He’s not after your food!” “I’m forty and single, darling – he’s forty-five, clever, not married. Honestly, whatever he’s after, I’ll enjoy it.” “You sound like a hopeless small-towner, as if you’ve no choice.” “I don’t recognise you! You dragged me here so I’d live, not just exist.” You can’t argue with that logic. Masha realised they’d switched places, and it threw her. She ordered a giant pizza and spent the evening comfort eating. Mum returned around midnight, glowing in the dark hallway. “Well?” Masha grumbled. “A lovely guy, nothing like a potato beetle, proper local,” Mum giggled, heading for the shower. Mum started dating: theatre, stand-up, jazz concerts, a library card, a tea club – even a new GP. In six months, she’d enrolled in upskilling courses, earned certificates, and mastered new dishes. Masha didn’t sit idle either: she tried for top companies, but the ‘dream jobs’ chewed her up and spat her out. Friends vanished when she stopped being fun-for-free. In the end, she became a barista, then a night bartender. Life blurred into exhaustion and rings under her eyes. The punters chatted her up, but none were likely candidates for ‘true love’. It all grew unbearable. “You were right, Mum. There’s nothing for us here. Sorry for dragging you along. We need to go home,” Masha blurted after another tough night. “Go? Where to?” Mum was packing a suitcase. “Home! Where they spell our name right and the GP knows us.” “I’m settled here now, love – don’t want to leave,” Mum replied, searching Masha’s teary face. “But I’m not! I want to go back. All this – the rubbish tube, overpriced coffee, snobby bar customers – it’s not for me. At least you’re packing…” “I’m moving in with Eugene,” Mum casually revealed. “What do you mean? Moving IN?” “I figured you’re grown up, have a job, can handle the rent. I’m giving you a gift: life in the capital, beautiful and independent, with everything ahead of you. You’ve given me so much! If it wasn’t for you, I’d still be wilting in that dump. Here, life’s in full swing. Thank you!” She kissed Masha’s cheeks, but Masha wasn’t ready for thanks. “Mum, what about ME? Who’ll look after me?” cried Masha. “You’ll have your insurance, your pay, the Internet – and maybe meet a nice guy,” Mum quoted herself. “So you’re just leaving me?” “Not leaving, just holding you to your no-drama promise.” “Fine… House keys?” “In my bag. But one thing: Gran’s thinking of moving, too. I’ve sorted it with her – can you help her pack?” “Granny’s coming to London?!” “Yep. I sold her the London dream just like you did me. There’s a post job going, and your gran knows mail better than anyone – she’ll risk it before her ‘roots’ give up.”