The Kidnapping of the Year
I just want men chasing after me, crying because they cant catch up! Emily burst out, reading her New Years wish from a slip of paper, then flicked her lighter with a flourish. She let the ash fall into her Prosecco and drained her glass to the sound of her friends giggles.
The Christmas tree blinked, as if pondering her wish, then twinkled even brighter. The music kicked up a notch, glasses clinked in a happy jumble, faces blurred happily into a sparkling holiday carousel. Golden glitter tumbled down from the tree branchesor maybe thats just how it felt…
Muuuuum! Mum, wake up!
Emily pried open one sticky eyelid. Looming over her, she saw what looked like nearly an entire five-a-side football team.
Who are you? Do I know you, kids?
They introduced themselves with cheery grins and silly bows:
Mum, dont you remember? Henrynine, Oliverseven, Charliefive, Alfiethree!
The whole line-up, every one of them bursting with cheeky energy and determination. Not quite the crowd of men shed pictured chasing her when she made her New Years wish…
So, um, wheres your coachoh, I mean, your dad? she mumbled, her voice raspy. Someone fetch mum a glass of water, will you
She closed her eyes for just a secondand, of course, Mum! rang out again.
Someone immediately pressed two glasses of water into her hands, along with an easy-peeler and a mug of pickle brineclassic. The eldest already knew the drill for reviving mum after a night of celebrating. They were growing up fast.
Mum, you promised… the younger ones whined.
Emily honestly tried to piece together how shed ended up hereand what shed possibly agreed to.
Cinema?
Noooo.
McDonalds?
No!
The toy shop?
Oh, come on, Mum! Stop pretending! Were nearly ready and youre still in bed!
Do I get a clue as to where youre all heading? she gave in.
Darling, up you get, came a mans voice. A tall, dark-haired bloke walked in, glimmering mischief in his hazel eyes. Crikey, he was handsome!
Were ready to go, Ive packed up the car. Well swing by Sainsburys on the waylets get moving!
Emily strained to remember who this chap was and why all these children were calling her mum. Total blank. Not a single theory.
Mum, dont forget our swimming things! And yoursdont be long! one of the boys called from down the hall.
Sotheres a pool, too? What on earth is going on? How did my life get this lovely and why cant I remember a thing?
She looked around the room, growing increasingly aware she didnt recognise a thing: not a single photo on the chest of drawers, the furniture, or the heavy curtains with their unfamiliar print.
The only thing even faintly familiar was a bright red poinsettia in a white pot, decorated with tiny pearls.
Emily closed her eyes and gently began to unwind last nights memories. Theyd met up at a restaurant for New Years, like in the old uni days, now with expensive handbags, complicated updos, and that ever-present rush.
Her friends had been beaming, laughing, buzzing with the rare freedom from husbands, children, homework, nurseries, and dinners. They sparkled like schoolgirls playing truant.
Only Emily felt calmly at ease, as always. After all, she was single, her own boss, no one to warn, wait for, or answer to.
Last of the single ladies! her mates teased, refilling her Prosecco.
Shed brought luxury face creamcaviar and gold threadsfor her gift. Theyd laughed that it could just as well go on toast as on a face, and posed over the box like it was a work of art.
In return, Emily got a festive poinsettia (that same red one) and a rare bottle of Prosecco, supposedly smuggled from an ancient castle in France. The kind you only open for very special occasions.
Shed read her slip of paper with either a toast or a wish and thennothing! Just the blur and blackout that always comes after, like slipping and waking up in a cast.
She peered at herself in the mirrorstill, as always, the same young woman she recognised, even down to the smoky eye make-up from last night. But kids? A husband? She couldnt remember childbirth, sleepless nights, not even her own wedding! And yet, she knew the childrens names but not her husbands. Something was seriously off here…
She left the bedroom. In the hallway, suitcases on wheels waitedtwo grown-up ones, black and beige, from some posh brand, and three sporty kids backpacks.
So, not a picnic. A proper trip then. But where?
At that moment, the husband swept in. He picked up the luggage with the air of someone whod done it a hundred times and gently nudged her towards the door.
Well be late, he said, perfectly calmly.
Emily glanced automatically down at her handand froze. No wedding ring! Not on hers, not his. Another oddity… Or…?
The kids poured into the back of a roomy people carrier. Backpacks tossed onto seats, seatbelts clicked in quick time. Husband behind the wheel, Emily took a deep breath and slid into the front.
He handed her a travel mug of coffeemilk and all. She loathed coffee with milk. For some reason, that detail cut more sharply than everything else.
Off we go! he grinned at the kids, setting off. The further they drove from the house, the more panicked she felt.
The kids in the back chattered away, squabbling gently over whod get what snack. The man drove calm and focused, flashing Emily that wicked grin, like there was some secret only they were in on. Like he knew something shed forgotten.
Emily stared at the winding road, feeling like a hedgehog in the fog. Everything shouldve made sensefamily, car, road tripyet none of it did.
Soon they were out on the motorway and heading out of London. Emily started to doubt everythingshe couldnt trust this! In her gut, she was utterly convinced: this wasnt her family; this was a strange man and children she didnt know!
He must have kidnapped them!
No, waitthey must have kidnapped her!
But then, how did she know the kids names? Her mind was spinning. But there it was, her rational conclusion: strange man, shed been abducted, something had to be done.
Emily sat up tall, gripping her mug, doing her best to look like she was just enjoying the journey. But inside, a switch had flippednow she was on survival mode.
After about half an hour, the kids erupted in chorus.
Dad, loo!
Im thirsty!
Can we get something to eat?
They pulled into a services, all tumbled out, and trooped off in search of snacks.
Her chance! Emilys heart was pounding so loudly, it drowned out the noise of the lorries outside. While everyone was distracted, she slunk away from the café, crouched beside the van, then dashed for the drivers seat…
No keys in the ignition.
There you arewas wondering where youd wandered off to, said the man, calmly, through the open window. Emily jumped.
Well, now everyones here, lets get on the road, he continued, gently. Come on, love, Ill drive. You sit back and rest. And off they went again.
An hour later, the airport loomed up aheadall glass, steel, cars and people everywhere. They parked up and piled into Departures, all together.
Emily was on high alert nowshed not be bundled off goodness knows where! Time to fight back!
She drifted behind her family, hung back a step, thenbolted.
This is a kidnapping! Help! she yelled, racing up to a security guard.
The security guy acted in a flashswept her onto the floor, cuffed her hands behind her back. Suddenly there were police, weapons, radios, a small crowd staring.
Wait! Please, let me explain! shouted the man Emily thought was her abductor. Its a jokea New Year prank! Honest! Were not armed! Theres no kidnapping!
Emily could barely hear him, everything was a blur. But thenlike a scene from a romcomshe saw them. Behind a big advert board, her friends were standing there: grinning, bashful, excited, and pleased with themselves.
Mum! the kids cried, running over to one of the womenher mate, apparently. The others were already jogging over, laughing, explaining, apologising, trying to get the kidnapper released.
Emily was gently hauled to her feet, the cuffs unlocked. Her head finally stopped spinning. There she stood, hair wild, heart thumping, suddenly realising: she hadnt been taken.
Shed been pranked.
When the rush of adrenaline faded, Emily started to make out the words.
It had all been a big, elaborate, not-at-all-cheap joke. Her friends started talking at once, all trying to explain, laughing and almost apologising.
It turned out, theyd wanted to fix her up with a really good guythe sort whod fancied her for ages, but never dared make a move. He knew her well enough to be waryshe was far too independent for anything as straightforward as a blind date.
They knew outright set-ups wouldnt work: Thanks, but no thanks. Im fine on my own, Emily always said.
So the girls had got creative. Instead of a dinner, why not throw her in the deep end? Dunk her straight into a family morninghappy children in tow, a calm, considerate man, everything neat and warm, and those eyes, good heavens, those lovely hazel eyes.
We didnt want you to overthink it, Em, her friends confessed. We just wanted you to feel it, right here, gesturing to their chests.
Listening, Emily realised she couldnt even be cross. Womens logic, as we know, hates being boxed inbut loves a good result.
Yes, the method was a bit much. Yes, she nearly had a coronary. But the experiment was a roaring success! Sometimes, all it takes to discover if you need a man in your life is one morning, three kids, and a cup of coffee from your would-be kidnapper.
She finally met his gaze. This was the hero of the hoursmiling with just enough mischief to remind her of that cat from Shrek. And those hazel eyes, sparkling with golden flecks. The kids were his nephews apparently, giddy from their favourite uncles wild prank.
Oh! Your flight! her friends suddenly remembered. The plane will leave without youhurry up and check in!
Another kidnapping? Emily thought, and where would they even be taking her? Spain? The Med? Swimming with fish and eating mangoes?
He held out his hand.
Lets start overhello, Im Tom. Mind if I steal you away? he asked, half-smiling.
Emily glanced at her friends, who were standing by anxiously. She looked at the cases, then back at Toms eyes, so open and bright and honest.
I mean, why shouldnt she say yes?
Lets do it! Emily grinned, realising this so-called kidnapping might just be the start of the best adventure yet.
Then, barely above a whisper, she added, As long as those three scamps stay home
Her friends burst out laughing, Tom beamed wider, and suddenly all the chaosthe bustling airport, the crowd, the noisedisappeared, and she was at the very start of something completely new: daft, warm, and unexpectedly perfect.
Sometimes life doesnt really kidnap us. It just sweeps us up, sharp and sudden, dropping us off exactly where we were meant to be all along.
