Yesterday, I quit.
No resignation letter. No two weeks notice.
I simply placed the platter holding the cake onto the kitchen table, picked up my handbag, and stepped out of my daughters house.
My employer was my own daughter Emily.
And the wage, or so Id imagined all these years, was supposed to be love.
But yesterday I realised, in the economy of our family, my love didnt quite compare to a brand-new tablet.
My name is Margaret. Im sixty-four.
Officially, Im a retired nurse living on a modest pension in the outskirts of Canterbury.
But in reality Im a chauffeur, chef, cleaner, home tutor, therapist and stand-by paramedic for two grandchildren: Matthew (9) and Daniel (7).
Im what youd call the village.
Remember the old saying, it takes a village to raise a child?
In todays world, that village is often one weary grandmother surviving on tea, lavender oil and painkillers.
Emily works in advertising.
Her husband, James, does finance.
Nice people, so I keep telling myself.
Always tired. Always rushing. Nursery too dear. School too tricky. Clubs a logistical nightmare. When Matthew was born, they looked at me as if I were a lifeboat.
Mum, we cant afford a nanny, Emily sobbed once. And we dont trust strangers. Only you.
So, of course, I agreed.
After all, I didnt want to be a burden.
So I became a pillar.
My day begins at 5:45am.
I drive over. Make porridge not just any, but the proper one, because Daniel refuses the instant stuff. Get the boys ready. Drive them to school. Return and mop floors I never dirtied, clean loos I never used. Then, its school runs, football, homework, clubs, English lessons.
I am the grandmother of routine.
The grandmother of no.
The grandmother of rules.
And then theres Susan.
Susan is James mother.
She owns a flat by the seafront. Facelifts, new car, holidays.
She sees the grandchildren twice a year.
Susan doesnt know Matthew has allergies.
She doesnt know how to soothe Daniel when he has a meltdown over long division.
She has never cleaned up sick from a booster seat.
Susan is the yes grandmother.
Yesterday was Matthews ninth birthday.
I had been preparing for weeks. Moneys tight, but I wanted to give him something real. I spent three months knitting him a heavy blanket, because he struggles to sleep. Picked his favourite colours. Put everything I had into it.
And baked a proper cake not from a packet.
At 4:15pm, the doorbell rang.
Susan breezed in, like a champagne storm perfume, blow-dry, glossy shopping bags.
Where are my boys?
The grandkids practically bowled me over to run into her arms.
Granny!
She perched on the sofa and pulled out a bag with a big shiny logo.
I didnt know what you liked, so I picked the newest thing, she declared.
Two gaming tablets. The fanciest kind.
No restrictions, she winked. Todays Susans rules!
The boys lost their heads. The cake forgotten. The guests ignored.
Emily and James glittered.
Mum, you spoil them too much… James said, pouring her wine. Youre ruining them.
I stood there, blanket in hand.
Matthew… I knitted you something too… and the cakes ready…
He didnt look up.
Not now, Granny. Im levelling up.
I spent all winter making this…
He sighed.
Granny, no one wants blankets. Susan got tablets. Why are you so boring? You just bring food and clothes.
I looked at my daughter.
Waiting for her to step in.
Emily forced a laugh.
Mum, dont be upset. Hes a kid. Of course, tablets are exciting. Susan is the fun granny. And you… well… youre the everyday one.
The everyday granny.
Like everyday plates. Everyday traffic. Needed but invisible.
I wish Susan lived here, Daniel chipped in. She never makes us do homework.
And something inside me snapped.
I folded the blanket. Set it on the table. Untied my apron.
Emily, Im finished.
What do you mean? Will you cut the cake?
No. Im done.
I picked up my bag.
I am not an appliance you can switch off. I am your mother.
Mum, where are you going? she yelled. Ive got a big meeting tomorrow! Wholl get the boys?
Ive no idea, I replied. Maybe sell the tablets. Or perhaps fun granny can move in.
Mum, we need you!
I stopped.
Thats exactly it. You need me. But you dont see me.
I walked out.
Today, I woke at nine.
Brewed fresh tea. Sat on the porch.
And, for the first time in years, my back didnt ache.
I love my grandchildren.
But I wont be free help in the guise of family anymore.
Love shouldnt mean annihilation.
And a grandmother isnt a spare part.
If they want a routine granny, theyd better respect the routine.
Meanwhile…
I think I might sign up for dancing lessons. Thats what fun grannies do, apparently.












