How could she do such a thing?! She didnt even ask! Didnt consult with me! The nerve of her: waltzing into someone elses flat and acting like she owns the place! No respect whatsoever! Dear Lord, what did I do to deserve this? All my life Ive been there for her, and this is how she repays me! She doesnt even see me as a person! Nina brushed away the fresh tears She doesnt approve of my life, apparently! She should look at her own first! Sitting there in her little studio flat, thinking shes grasped happiness by the tail. No husband worth his salt, no proper job: just some remote work. How does the woman live? Yet she has the gall to lecture me! Ive long forgotten what shes only just starting to discover!
That last thought propelled me up out of my armchair. I headed into the kitchen, put the kettle on and wandered over to the window.
Gazing out at the festive sweep of London lit up with Christmas lights, I started crying again: Everyone else is getting ready for the New Year, while I havent the slightest whiff of a holiday Alone, as always…
The kettle shrieked, but I was so lost in my thoughts that I hardly noticed.
I was twenty when my mum, at forty-five, had a second child. It had completely taken me by surprisewhy would Mum put herself through all of that again?
I dont want you to end up on your own, shed explained, Its wonderful, having a sister. Someday youll understand.
I already get it, Id replied, indifferent, but you should know: I wont be running after her. Ive got my own life to lead.
You dont have your own life anymore, shed smiled.
Those words ended up being prophetic. My little sister was barely three when Mum died Dad had gone even earlier.
All the care for my sister fell to me. I became both sister and mother to Charlotte. She even called me Mum until she was ten.
I never married. Not because of Charlottejust never met the right one, someone who could touch my heart. There wasnt really a chance, to be honest. I didnt go out, didnt seek entertainment: just home, work, Charlotte; home, work, Charlotte…
Losing my parents forced me to grow up in an instant, and I gave my life to my sister: raising her, seeing her through her studies.
Now Charlottes all grown up and living independently. Shes even engaged.
She still comes by often; were close, despite the age difference and how little we have in common in terms of character or outlook.
Me, for exampleIm painfully frugal. My flat has become a bit of a hoarders den over the years. If one looked hard enough, theyd still find that old dressing gown from a decade ago, back when I was far slimmer. Or electricity bills from the early 2000s.
My kitchens full of chipped mugs, battered, enamel saucepans, and frying pans with missing handles. I never use them now, but cant bring myself to throw them out: what if they come in handy?
I havent changed a thing in the flat for yearsnot even the wallpaper. Not for lack of money, either, but because, well, the wallpapers still holding up!
My habit of scrimping on myself and my own comfort for my sisters sake has left its mark.
Charlotte, on the other hand, is a breath of fresh air: cheerful, spontaneous, never weighed down by stuff. Her flat is minimalistjust the essentials.
Shes got a system: If you havent needed something in a year, out it goes!
Thats why Charlottes place feels open and lightyou can breathe in there.
Shes offered countless times to help me out:
Lets give your place a bit of a spruce! While were at it, well sort out your things, otherwise before long, you wont have space for yourself in here.
Im not throwing anything out and I dont want anything changed, I would insist, I dont need any decorating.
How can you say that? Just look at this hallway! Those textured wallpapers have been here since the stone age! Feels like youre stepping into a cellar. All the clutter just weighs down the place and you too. Thats no good for your health.
But I just waved her off.
So Charlotte decided to take matters into her own hands. Shed surprise me with a new hallway. There wasnt much furniture, hardly any clutterless risky.
With a week until the New Year, while I was on a long work shift, Charlotte and her fiancé came round (we both had keys to each others flats). They stripped the gloomy wallpaper and put up new papersoft green with golden patterns.
Everything was popped back in place, as they didnt dare touch my belongings. Then they left.
When I arrived home, as clueless as could be, I turned right round at the front door. Thought Id walked into the wrong flat.
I looked up to check the flat number.
Correct…
I stepped in again.
Thats when it hit me.
Charlotte!
How could she be so brazen?!
I dialled her, gave her a proper earful, then slammed the phone down.
Half an hour later, Charlotte turned up in person.
Who asked you to do this? I snapped.
I just wanted to give you a surprise, Nina! Look how nice it looksclean and bright, theres more space! she tried to explain.
Dont meddle in my flat! I just couldnt stop myself.
Hurtful words rained down, and finally Charlotte had enough.
Thats it. Live however you want in your tip, but I wont be back.
The truth hurts, does it? Off you go, then!
I feel sorry for you, she said quietly and left…
She hasnt phoned me all week. Never before have we fallen out for so long. And with New Year upon us, will we really spend it apart?
I wandered out into the hall and sank onto the stool.
You know, it actually is roomier now, I thought, picturing Charlotte and her fiancé putting up the wallpaper, being so carefultheres not a single crease. Imagining how they wondered what Id think. And why did I fly off the handle? It really is better this way. Brighter. My heart feels lighter too. Maybe Charlotte is right?
Suddenly my mobile rang…
Nina, Charlotte sounded teary, please, forgive me. I never meant to upset you. I only wanted to make you happy…
Oh, sweetheart, I havent been cross in ages, I started sobbing too, overwhelmed, and theres nothing to forgiveyou were right. The wallpapers lovely. And after the holidays, well tackle my cupboards. If youre willing, of course.
Of course I am! Id be delighted! How about tonight? I cant bear the thought of seeing in the New Year without you…
Nor can I…
Well, hurry then! she brightened up, Everythings ready here: the tree, the fairy lights, the candlesjust how you like it. Dont fuss: Ive already done most of the preparations. I always believed wed make up and spend New Year together. Take your time packing. George will pick you up.
I went back to the window. Now, when I look at the sparkling city, its completely transformed.
And all I could think was, Thank you, Mum for giving me my sisterAnd this time, instead of tears, a smile pressed at my lips. The city lights outside seemed to wink just for mehopeful, forgiving, new. I poured the tea, wrapped my scarf tight, and for the first time in years, left the flat with only anticipation in my heart. Old wallpaper, old grudgesboth could give way to something kinder.
As I stepped into the silent hallway, I paused and traced a fingertip along the fresh, golden pattern. It caught the light, glimmering faintly. Love was a messy thingsometimes too much, sometimes misplacedbut it was what we had, me and Charlotte. And maybe that was enough.
Down on the street, George waved from the car, and the engine idled like a promise. Behind me, my flat glowed gently, lighter now, emptier, yesbut waiting for laughter to echo back, when wed return together and fill it once more.
On the ride to Charlottes, Londons shimmer curled around us, and I realized: happiness wasnt a thing to be gripped tightly, or hoarded like old mugs, but something passed on, given freely, renewed. Tonight, as the clock would chime midnight, Id be surrounded by warmth and twinkling fairy lights, by new beginnings. And in that moment, I knew: even the oldest, most cluttered heart could make spacejust enoughfor forgiveness, family, and the bright possibility of another year.
