“Well, There You Go!” Exclaimed Alex. “That’s Right! The Final Word Should Always Belong to the Man” One Morning, Alex, the Adult Grandson Whose Wedding the Ephimovs Had Recently Attended, Arrived from the City for Potatoes, as He Always Helped His Beloved Grandparents to Plant and Dig Them. “Well, Tell Me, Alex, How’s Life with Your Svetlana?” Granny Asked Eagerly While Pottering by the Stove. “It’s… Mixed, Gran…” Alex Replied Reluctantly. “Sometimes Good, Sometimes Not So Much…” “Hold On a Minute,” Grandpa Ivan Piped Up. “What Do You Mean, ‘Mixed’? You Two Arguing Already?” “Well, Not Really Arguing Yet. We’re Just Trying to Decide Who’s Boss at Home,” Admitted Alex. “Honestly…” Granny Sighed with a Chuckle at the Stove, “That’s Not Hard to Work Out. It’s Obvious.” “Yes,” Laughed Grandpa, “Obviously, the Wife Is—and Always Will Be—the Head of the Household.” “Oh, Do Tell…” Came Granny’s Voice Again from the Stove. “Granddad, Are You Serious?” Alex Looked at Him in Surprise. “You’re Joking, Right?” “Not at All,” Ivan Replied. “If You Don’t Believe Me, Just Ask Your Granny. Go on, Catherine, Tell Him—Who Has the Last Word in Our House?” “Oh, Stop Talking Nonsense,” Granny Responded Good-Naturedly. “No, Go on, Say It,” Ivan Insisted. “Who Makes the Final Decisions—You or Me?” “Well, I Suppose I Do…” “How’s That?” Alex Looked Doubtful. “I’ve Never Noticed That Here. And Honestly, I’ve Always Thought the Man Should Be in Charge.” “Oh, Alex, You Silly Thing,” Grandpa Laughed Again. “That’s Not How It Works in a Real Family—Let Me Tell You a Couple of Stories, and You’ll See for Yourself.” Storytime “Here We Go…” Granny Grumbled. “He’s Bound to Bring Up the Motorbike Now.” “What Motorbike?” Alex Was Curious. “That Old Rust Bucket Rusting in the Shed,” Grandpa Confirmed. “It’s a Century Old by Now. Do You Know How Your Granny Made Me Buy It?” “Gran Made You?” “Yep! Gave Me Her Own Hard-Earned Money to Do It. But First, There Was Another Story…” Once, I Had Enough Money Saved to Buy a Motorbike with a Sidecar. I Told Catherine—Your Gran—I Wanted It to Carry Potatoes from the Field. Farms Used to Give Out Potato Plots Back Then. But Your Gran Put Her Foot Down. ‘Let’s Get a Colour TV Instead,’ She Said—they Were Costly Back Then. ‘You’ve Always Hauled Spuds on a Bicycle; Just Keep Doing That. Bag on the Bar, Off You Go.’ Fine, I Said, ‘Your Word Is Final.’ So, We Bought the TV. “What About the Motorbike?” Alex Was Puzzled. “We Got It—Eventually…” Granny Sighed. “But Not Until Later. Your Grandpa Put His Back Out and I Had to Cart Almost All the Potatoes Myself. After That, When We Sold the Pigs in November, I Gave Him All the Money and Told Him to Go Get the Bike.” “And Next Autumn,” Grandpa Continued, “We Came Into Some Money Again. I Wanted to Build a New Shed—the Old One’s Roof Had Rotted Away. But Your Gran Insisted on Buying Proper Furnishings to Look Like Everyone Else. Fine, I Said, ‘Your Word Is Final.’ So, We Bought the Furniture.” “And That Spring,” Granny Concluded, “The Old Shed Collapsed—Too Much Snow. From Then On, I Decided Whatever Ivan Told Me to Do, That’s How It Would Be.” “Well, There You Go!” Exclaimed Alex. “That Proves My Point—The Man Should Always Have the Final Say!” “Oh, Alex, You’re Missing the Whole Point!” Grandpa Laughed. “Every Time I Want Something Done, I Ask Her First—‘Fancy Me Rebuilding the Chimney, Love? Is That Alright?’ However She Decides, That’s How It Goes.” “And Since Then, I Always Tell Him, ‘Do What You Think Is Best,’” Granny Added. “So, You See, Alex,” Grandpa Concluded, “In the End, It’s Always Best if the Wife Has the Final Say. Do You Understand Now?” Alex Went Quiet, Then Burst Out Laughing. After He Stopped, He Seemed to Think Deeply, His Face Eventually Brightening. “Now I Get It, Granddad. When I Get Home I’ll Say: ‘Alright, Sveta, Let’s Holiday in Turkey Like You Want. I Won’t Get the Car Fixed Just Yet, Even Though the Automatic’s Playing Up. If the Car Breaks Down, So What? We’ll Catch the Bus to Work All Winter—Just Means Getting Up an Hour Earlier. That’s No Big Deal, Right?’ Is That the Right Way to Look at It, Granddad?” “Absolutely Spot On,” Grandpa Nodded with a Grin. “And Give It a Year or Two, You’ll Find That Harmony in Your Own Family, Too. After All, It’s Always Best When the Wife Is in Charge. Keeps the Husband Happy, I Can Tell You from Experience…”

Well, there we are! I exclaimed, Everythings settled! The last word always has to be the husbands.

This morning, our grandson, Oliver, arrived from London. Wed recently been to his wedding, and now he was visiting us here in the countryside, coming for some potatoes. Hes always helped me and my husband, Henry, planting and digging up the spuds over the years.

So, tell me, Oliver, how are things with you and your Emily? I asked quickly as I busied myself by the oven.

Oh, it depends, Gran Its been a bit of this and that, he replied, not sounding especially cheerful. It just depends

Wait a minute, Henry raised his eyebrow, What do you mean depends? Are you two arguing already?

No, not really. Were just trying to settle whos in charge at home, Oliver confessed.

Oh heavens, I chuckled wryly as I poked at the oven, Thats not exactly a mystery, is it?

Quite right, Henry burst out laughing. The answers obvious: in any family, the wifes always been in charge.

Oh, is that so? I called over my shoulder from the kitchen.

Grandad, really? Oliver gaped at Henry, Are you pulling my leg?

Not at all, Henry replied flatly. If you dont believe me, ask your gran. Go on, Margaret, tell himwhose word is final in this house?

Oh, dont talk rubbish, I replied kindly.

No, reallysay it, Henry pressed. When it comes down to it, who makes the final decisionme or you?

Well, I do

Seriously? Oliver was surprised. Ive never felt that in this house! Anyway, I think the man should be the boss in his own home.

Oh, dont be silly, Oliver, Henry laughed again. In a real family, it doesnt work the way you think. Let me tell you a couple of stories, youll soon understand.

Story

Here we go again, I muttered with mild exasperation. Hes bound to start with the motorbike saga.

What motorbike? Oliver asked, bemused.

The very same thats rusting away in the shed, Henry confirmed. It must be a century old by now. Do you know how your gran made me buy that bike?

Gran made you?

Oh yes, she gave me the money herself. Out of her savings. But theres more to the story.

Once, I earned just enough to buy a motorbike with a sidecar. I told Margaret, your gran, I wanted itfor bringing potatoes back from the allotment. Back then, wed been allocated a patch for growing spuds.

Your gran put her foot down. She said we should get a colour telly insteadthose were pricey in those days. Besides, she said, Id always managed carrying sacks on my old pushbike, so why change now?

One sack on the crossbar and off Id go! So, I said, Have it your way; your words always final. We bought the telly.

And the motorbike? Oliver queried, puzzled.

We bought that too eventually, I sighed. But only later. Henry did his back inso badly that I had to fetch nearly all the potatoes myself after that.

The following November, when we sold the pigs for meat, I gave him all the money we made and told him to head into the county town for that motorbike-with-sidecar.

The next autumn, we had a bit of money again, Henry picked up the story. I said, Lets put it toward a new shedthe old one from my parents day was rotten through, roof and walls. But your gran insisted on furniture. Lets make the house decent, she said, like other peoples. In the end, her word was final again. We bought the furniture.

And that spring, the old shed collapsed, I finished the story. So much snow the roof just gave in Thats when I decided the rest of our days would go as Henry wanted.

There you have it! Oliver laughed. The husbands got to have the last word!

Thats not it, Oliver, Henry grinned. You dont get it. Before I do anything, Ill say: Margaret, Im thinking of fixing up the fireplace. What do you reckon? If she agrees, I do it. If notwell, thats the decision, isnt it?

After those times, I always say, Do what you think is best.

So, Oliver, in any good marriage, the wife really ought to have the last word, Henry finished. Are we agreed?

Oliver thought for a bit, then suddenly started laughing. Once hed finished, a light dawned on his face.

All right, Grandad, now I get it. Ill go home and say, Okay, Emily, well book that holiday to Spain youre so keen on. The car can waitthe gearbox needs fixing, but whats the rush? If it conks out, so be itwell just have to get the early bus to work all winter. An hour less sleep, thats all. No big deal, right? Is that the idea, Grandad?

Absolutely spot on, Henry nodded with a grin. Give it a year or two, Oliver, and youll seethings work themselves out.

And a wife ought to be the one in charge at home. Makes for a more peaceful life for the husband, I can tell you from experienceOliver grinned at us both, the easy laughter lingering in his eyes, and for a moment, the kitchen filled with a kind of gentle, knowing warmththe sort that grows from years of love and muddle, potato-dug hands, and the quiet bargains that dont need words. The kettle whistled and Henry poured three cups, his own hands trembling just enough to make me worry, though I pretended not to notice.

Well then, Oliver said, raising his mug as though wed just sealed some ancient pact, heres to the last word, and to knowing when not to use it.

We clinked mugs, and I caught a fleeting glimpseHenrys sly wink, Olivers boyish grin, the sunlight striping the faded curtainsand I remembered why every small quarrel about sheds or sofas or stubborn men had always been worth it.

After Oliver left, swinging the potato sack over his shoulder, Henry stood beside me at the sink. He nudged my arm gently, so only I could hear. You know, Margaret, Id have chosen the colour telly too.

I smiled, wiping my hands. And Id have chosen you every time, old fool.

Outside, Olivers laughter echoed down the lane, and the dust from his boots rose up in the summer aircarrying with it the unspoken promise that in our little family, the last word was never really about who got it, but about who remembered to listen. And that, I suppose, was the secret all along.

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“Well, There You Go!” Exclaimed Alex. “That’s Right! The Final Word Should Always Belong to the Man” One Morning, Alex, the Adult Grandson Whose Wedding the Ephimovs Had Recently Attended, Arrived from the City for Potatoes, as He Always Helped His Beloved Grandparents to Plant and Dig Them. “Well, Tell Me, Alex, How’s Life with Your Svetlana?” Granny Asked Eagerly While Pottering by the Stove. “It’s… Mixed, Gran…” Alex Replied Reluctantly. “Sometimes Good, Sometimes Not So Much…” “Hold On a Minute,” Grandpa Ivan Piped Up. “What Do You Mean, ‘Mixed’? You Two Arguing Already?” “Well, Not Really Arguing Yet. We’re Just Trying to Decide Who’s Boss at Home,” Admitted Alex. “Honestly…” Granny Sighed with a Chuckle at the Stove, “That’s Not Hard to Work Out. It’s Obvious.” “Yes,” Laughed Grandpa, “Obviously, the Wife Is—and Always Will Be—the Head of the Household.” “Oh, Do Tell…” Came Granny’s Voice Again from the Stove. “Granddad, Are You Serious?” Alex Looked at Him in Surprise. “You’re Joking, Right?” “Not at All,” Ivan Replied. “If You Don’t Believe Me, Just Ask Your Granny. Go on, Catherine, Tell Him—Who Has the Last Word in Our House?” “Oh, Stop Talking Nonsense,” Granny Responded Good-Naturedly. “No, Go on, Say It,” Ivan Insisted. “Who Makes the Final Decisions—You or Me?” “Well, I Suppose I Do…” “How’s That?” Alex Looked Doubtful. “I’ve Never Noticed That Here. And Honestly, I’ve Always Thought the Man Should Be in Charge.” “Oh, Alex, You Silly Thing,” Grandpa Laughed Again. “That’s Not How It Works in a Real Family—Let Me Tell You a Couple of Stories, and You’ll See for Yourself.” Storytime “Here We Go…” Granny Grumbled. “He’s Bound to Bring Up the Motorbike Now.” “What Motorbike?” Alex Was Curious. “That Old Rust Bucket Rusting in the Shed,” Grandpa Confirmed. “It’s a Century Old by Now. Do You Know How Your Granny Made Me Buy It?” “Gran Made You?” “Yep! Gave Me Her Own Hard-Earned Money to Do It. But First, There Was Another Story…” Once, I Had Enough Money Saved to Buy a Motorbike with a Sidecar. I Told Catherine—Your Gran—I Wanted It to Carry Potatoes from the Field. Farms Used to Give Out Potato Plots Back Then. But Your Gran Put Her Foot Down. ‘Let’s Get a Colour TV Instead,’ She Said—they Were Costly Back Then. ‘You’ve Always Hauled Spuds on a Bicycle; Just Keep Doing That. Bag on the Bar, Off You Go.’ Fine, I Said, ‘Your Word Is Final.’ So, We Bought the TV. “What About the Motorbike?” Alex Was Puzzled. “We Got It—Eventually…” Granny Sighed. “But Not Until Later. Your Grandpa Put His Back Out and I Had to Cart Almost All the Potatoes Myself. After That, When We Sold the Pigs in November, I Gave Him All the Money and Told Him to Go Get the Bike.” “And Next Autumn,” Grandpa Continued, “We Came Into Some Money Again. I Wanted to Build a New Shed—the Old One’s Roof Had Rotted Away. But Your Gran Insisted on Buying Proper Furnishings to Look Like Everyone Else. Fine, I Said, ‘Your Word Is Final.’ So, We Bought the Furniture.” “And That Spring,” Granny Concluded, “The Old Shed Collapsed—Too Much Snow. From Then On, I Decided Whatever Ivan Told Me to Do, That’s How It Would Be.” “Well, There You Go!” Exclaimed Alex. “That Proves My Point—The Man Should Always Have the Final Say!” “Oh, Alex, You’re Missing the Whole Point!” Grandpa Laughed. “Every Time I Want Something Done, I Ask Her First—‘Fancy Me Rebuilding the Chimney, Love? Is That Alright?’ However She Decides, That’s How It Goes.” “And Since Then, I Always Tell Him, ‘Do What You Think Is Best,’” Granny Added. “So, You See, Alex,” Grandpa Concluded, “In the End, It’s Always Best if the Wife Has the Final Say. Do You Understand Now?” Alex Went Quiet, Then Burst Out Laughing. After He Stopped, He Seemed to Think Deeply, His Face Eventually Brightening. “Now I Get It, Granddad. When I Get Home I’ll Say: ‘Alright, Sveta, Let’s Holiday in Turkey Like You Want. I Won’t Get the Car Fixed Just Yet, Even Though the Automatic’s Playing Up. If the Car Breaks Down, So What? We’ll Catch the Bus to Work All Winter—Just Means Getting Up an Hour Earlier. That’s No Big Deal, Right?’ Is That the Right Way to Look at It, Granddad?” “Absolutely Spot On,” Grandpa Nodded with a Grin. “And Give It a Year or Two, You’ll Find That Harmony in Your Own Family, Too. After All, It’s Always Best When the Wife Is in Charge. Keeps the Husband Happy, I Can Tell You from Experience…”