I was left standing in the hallway when Tom walked out without a word. That makes three blokes who have dumped me, each one vanishing as if nothing had happened. Wed spent the evening together, made love, and in the morning we were talking about a holiday. By nightfall he was back from work, his coat gone, his toothbrush taken everything was gone. He left me with a hollow feeling and a locked phone. On social media I was blocked. What did I do wrong?
When my first boyfriend, Victor, walked out, I was a fool. I waited for him outside his place, hovered by the lift, sent him endless emails begging for an explanation. He said Id be happy, just not with him. I tried everything. I loved him so much I gave up my own values, even thought about marrying him.
Im an orphan, raised in a childrens home. Contrary to the gossip that girls from such places are all out for a good time, many of us are shy about relationships. I was one of those. We spent a year together, saving for a wedding and a lavish honeymoon. Luckily we had somewhere to live a council flat Id been allocated. One day I found myself alone in the flat; Victor had vanished. He couldnt stand my constant chasing, so he up and left the city. I cried myself dry, my heart crumbling like a stale scone, the pain as sharp as pigeons pecking at a wound.
Guys dont just walk away, my friends would say. You must have done something, their husbands would add, smug as ever. If it were my fault, I should at least know where. Everything had been perfect.
Arent you chasing some fling? Aunt Tina, the office cleaner, once jabbed. Spit it out, then. Hes not yours anyway.
I couldnt settle for a year, until I met Ignatius. My heart leapt, trembling with feelings I hadnt felt in ages. I kept him in the friend zone because I was nervous, until he finally proposed. Wedding, honeymoon in Bali, I was the happiest bride, Ignatius soaring on loves wings Three months later he flew back to his homeland and never returned. A divorce was drawn up through a solicitor; I never even got to speak to him in person.
And then there was Serge. I fell into such a black pit that I even thought about sleeping forever. Anyone whos been there knows the weight. I stopped going to work, stopped eating, could only drag myself out of bed when I had to. I was fading away. Then a nasty scraping sound at the door jolted me awake Tom was back! Where did that sudden strength come from? I lunged to the door, caught my reflection in the mirror, winced, but flung the gate open to what I hoped was happiness only to find the hallway empty. Just a glitch, I muttered bitterly. All they brought was an endoftheline feeling.
I craved a strong, hot cup of tea. My legs trembled, nausea rose in my throat. I shuffled to the kitchen, brewed a mug, and after the second scorching sip warmth spread through me, a desperate urge to live. My body, however, was so weak it refused to obey. For a week I fed myself bit by bit, thanks to the pantrys supplies. By the weekend I managed to haul a rubbish bag out of the flat. Near the communal bin, a scruffy mutt rolled onto its haunches, barked, and stared hopeful at my bag.
Sorry, love, theres nothing for you in there. Wait a bit and Ill fetch a sausage and some milk. The beast blinked and trotted away. I peered into the bin a cardboard box and two metal bowls, clearly used to feed a pup, now empty.
On a whim I bought a packet of dog food and a flea collar. When I got back, the mutt now a tiny puppy Id started calling Miracle was gone, along with the box and bowls.
Hey, where are you? I called. Nothing.
A voice crackled from upstairs, I tossed it out just rubbish and germs! I slipped downstairs, scouring the building for the little one. No luck. My heart sank again. I went back home, my appetite vanished, turned the telly on and flicked through channels. A strange scraping sound at the door again, this time I knew it wasnt Tom. The joy Id felt on my wedding day never returned. Miracle barked, barreled into the flat.
So you saved me, I said, rubbing the pups ears. The nowgrown dog was tiny, pregnant, a purebred Spitz according to the vet, who warned the owner might be looking. No tags. I snapped a photo of Miracle, plastered notices around the neighbourhood, even searched online forums nothing.
Miracle became mine. I handed out all the puppies except one, which clung to its mother and me. Life flickered with new colour, yet a heavy cloud of misunderstanding and resentment lingered over my heart. I decided to rid myself of it. I drafted official letters, pretending they were from a solicitor, and mailed them to my exes. Being an orphan, I claimed all my assets would go to them who wouldnt bite at a legacy? I knew them well enough.
At the appointed hour they gathered in a rented office, waiting for a lawyer. I walked in, locked the door behind me so they couldnt bolt.
I wont let you leave until you explain why you abandoned me, I said, taking the head of the table. Lets start with Tom.
Something about the surprise made them speak. Tom answered first, then the others interjected, nodding. I sat stunned by the absurd picture before me and managed to exhale, Because of this you left me?
I couldnt take it any longer! Ignatius blurted, overemotional. Put yourself in my shoes!
It turned out Id been muttering a single male name in my sleep, a name that wasnt anyones. Zach, Id say, as if I were dreaming, the others put it down to me tripping in sleep. I didnt even know a Zach. Of course I hadnt cheated on anyone. What about a chat with me? I asked all three. Whos Zach? Victor shrugged. You just laughed
The scenario was absurd. I was accused of infidelity for uttering a name in a dream, and they dumped me because of it.
I even hired a private eye to catch her, Ignatius laughed. The situation amused him; hed already moved on, found comfort, and now had two daughters. I thought Id catch you too, Serge added, still a bachelor, swapping women like hats.
Victor was visibly tense, biting his lip, clenching his fists, as if reliving the moment. He hurt me more than any of the others he was my first love, the one I thought would be forever.
Anything else? Any more questions? Ignatius rose, cracking his knuckles.
Out you go, I muttered, flinging my keys onto the desk. My strength had fled. No answers, only more questions, and a burning anger at the idiots who nearly ruined me. Why did they stay silent? How would I have reacted if my man called another name in the night? Id have been a nervous wreck, perhaps, but Id have known it was nonsense. I only know this isnt a reason to walk away.
At home Miracle and the little pup, Pip, tumbled over a Christmas tree Id dragged in. New Year was a week away and the house was still bare. To the exes, Id say: Sod them! Id start fresh, a clean slate. Its maddening, the bewilderment still lingers. I wonder if I still chant that unknown Zach in my sleep? Should I see a hypnotherapist? Blast! One balloon popped off a prickly branch.
Dont cut yourself up, I told Pip, eyeing the tree, making sure the mischievous pup didnt wreck it. I lifted the decorated tree onto the table, just as the phone rang.
Leave me alone! I shouted, then promised to call back. I fumbled for my slippers, almost tripped, the phone kept squealing. Pip scrambled under my feet, trying to snatch another balloon. It was comedy.
When the tree was safely out of reach, I popped a splash of brandy to toast the new start. I never drink, but I keep a bottle for the occasional guest. The brandy warmed me, I drifted off, only to hear the phone ring again.
Hello, I saw your ad, a voice said, Sorry for the late call, but you didnt answer Which ad?
My dog, Miracle, the caller replied. Can I come see her? Ive been looking everywhere. My heart pounded, I could barely hear the rest. I wont give her away, I snapped. Shes mine.
The owner arrived an hour later, shivering from the cold, eyes wet. He knelt, burying his nose in Miracles soft fur, whispering, Thank you, thank you! He stared at me with tears. Eight months I thought shed be gone forever. I told him I couldnt part with the pup. He pressed on, May I at least have a look?
I imagined my bank balance, the few pounds Id managed to save. He smiled, Just a look, thats all. He peered at the pup, then at me, Is she a girl? Shes precious. I gulped back a laugh, Shes yours now? I felt foolish, halfdrunk. He asked, Would you like a glass of sherry? I nodded, feeling like a drunkard.
We moved to the kitchen, he set down his coat, I sliced lemon and cheese, poured the sherry, and we both took a bite of lemon. He introduced himself as Zach.
The story, odd as it sounds, is mine.
