Mum’s Not Exactly Winning Any Awards – Anna, have you left a wet towel hanging in the bathroom again? Her mother-in-law’s voice rang out from the hallway just as Anna stepped in after work. Valerie stood there, arms folded, eyes boring into her daughter-in-law. – It’s drying, – Anna kicked off her shoes. – That’s what the hook’s for. – In decent homes, towels go on the drying rack. But how would you know? Anna walked past without replying. Twenty-eight, two university degrees, a managerial post – and here she was, getting told off about towels. Every single day. Valerie watched her go, unimpressed. The way she always went silent, ignored her, acted like she was queen of the manor. Fifty-five years had taught Valerie how to read people, and she hadn’t liked this girl from the start. Cold. Arrogant. Max needed a warm, homely wife, not some ice sculpture. In the days that followed, Valerie watched. She noticed. She remembered… – Archie, tidy up your toys before tea. – Don’t want to. – I’m not asking. Tidy up. Six-year-old Archie puffed out his cheeks but shuffled off to collect his scattered soldiers. Anna didn’t even glance over, chopping vegetables as if nothing had happened. Valerie watched from the sitting room. There it was – the coldness she’d spotted. No smile, no kind word, just orders. Poor boy. – Gran, – Archie climbed onto the sofa beside her after Anna disappeared to sort the washing, – why’s Mummy always so mean? Valerie stroked his hair. The moment was perfect. – You know, sweetheart… Some people are just like that. They can’t show love. It’s sad, really. – Can you show love? – Of course I can, darling. Gran loves you heaps. Gran’s not mean. He snuggled closer and Valerie smiled. Every time they were alone, she painted more of her picture – gently, gradually. – Mum wouldn’t let me watch cartoons today, – Archie grumbled a week later. – Oh, poor you. Mummy’s strict, isn’t she? Sometimes Gran thinks she’s a bit too harsh as well. But don’t worry, you can always come to me. I’ll always understand. The boy nodded, soaking up every word. Gran was kind. Gran understood. And Mummy… – Some mums just can’t be cuddly, – Valerie would whisper conspiratorially, – but it’s not your fault, Archiekins. You’re wonderful. It’s just that you’ve got a rubbish mum. Archie hugged Gran, and something cold and strange began to creep into his heart when he thought of his mother. A month later, Anna noticed the change. – Archie, sweetheart, come for a cuddle. He pulled away. – Don’t want to. – Why not? – Just don’t want to. He ran off to Gran. Anna stood in the middle of the nursery, arms outstretched, and felt something break in the everyday rhythm of their life – something she couldn’t name. Valerie watched from the hallway, a satisfied smile on her lips. – Darling, – Anna knelt beside Archie that night, – are you upset with me? – No. – Then why don’t you want to play with me? He shrugged, his gaze distant and unfamiliar. – I want Gran. Anna let him go. The ache in her chest grew heavier. – Max, I don’t recognise Archie any more, – she told her husband late that night, when everyone else was asleep. – He avoids me. He never used to. – Oh, come on. Kids go through phases. It’ll pass. – This isn’t just a phase. He looks at me as if… as if I’ve done something bad. – Anna, you’re overthinking. Mum looks after him while we’re at work. Maybe he’s just got attached. Anna opened her mouth to argue, but stopped. Max had already turned away, eyes fixed on his phone. – Your mum loves you, – Valerie told Archie when she put him to bed on evenings when work kept his parents late, – but in her own way. Cold, strict. Not all mums know how to be kind, you know? – Why? – It happens, sweetheart. But Gran will never hurt you. I’ll always protect you – not like Mum. Archie fell asleep with those words. Each morning, he eyed Anna a little more warily. Now he made his preferences clear. – Archie, want to go for a walk? – Anna reached out her hand. – I want to go with Gran. – Archie… – With Gran! Valerie quickly took his hand. – Oh, leave him be. Can’t you see he doesn’t want to? Come on, Archiekins, Gran will get you an ice cream. They left. Anna watched them go, weighed down by the knowledge that her own son was turning away from her and she couldn’t work out why. That night, Max found Anna at the kitchen table, staring vacantly at her cold tea. – Anna, I’ll talk to him. I promise. She just nodded, words escaping her. Max went to chat with Archie. – Archie, tell Daddy – why don’t you want to be with Mum? The boy looked away. – Just because. – Just because isn’t an answer. Did Mum upset you? – No… – So what is it? Archie said nothing. A six-year-old can’t explain something he doesn’t fully understand himself. Gran said Mummy was mean and cold. So it must be true. Gran never lies. Max came out of the nursery no wiser. Valerie, meanwhile, was planning her next move. Anna looked totally defeated now – it was obvious. Just a bit longer and she’d pack her bags. Max deserved more. A real wife. Not an ice queen. – Archiekins, – she caught him in the hall the next day while Anna was in the shower, – you know Gran loves you most in the world? – I know. – And Mummy… well, she’s a bit rubbish, isn’t she? Can’t cuddle properly, always grumpy. My poor boy. She didn’t hear the footsteps behind her. – Mum. Valerie turned. Max stood in the doorway, face white. – Archie, off to your room, – his voice was quiet but brooked no argument. The boy vanished. – Max, I was just… – I heard everything. Silence stretched. – You… – Max swallowed. – You’ve been poisoning him against Anna? All this time? – I’m looking out for him! She treats him like a prison guard! – Have you lost your mind? Valerie took a step back. She’d never seen her son look at her like that – with disgust. – Max, listen… – No, you listen. – He came closer. – You’ve turned my son against his mother. My wife. Do you have any idea what you’ve done? – I only wanted what’s best! – Best? Archie flinches from his own mum! Anna’s beside herself! That’s best? Valerie lifted her chin. – It’s for the best. She’s not right for you. Cold, nasty, heartless… – Enough! The shout stopped them both. Max took a shaky breath. – Pack your things. Tonight. – You’re throwing your own mother out? – I’m protecting my family. From you. Valerie opened her mouth, then shut it. In his eyes, the verdict was already passed. No argument. No second chances. She left an hour later. No goodbyes. Max found Anna in the bedroom. – I know why Archie changed. Anna looked up, her eyes red. – My mum. She’s… she was telling him you’re mean. That you don’t really love him. She’s been poisoning him against you. Anna froze, then let out a slow breath. – I thought I was going mad. I thought I was a terrible mum. Max sat beside her, hugged her close. – You’re a wonderful mum. It was my mum… I don’t know what came over her. But she’s not coming near Archie again. The weeks that followed were hard. Archie asked after Gran and couldn’t quite understand why she’d disappeared. His parents spoke to him gently, patiently. – Darling, – Anna stroked his hair, – what Gran said about me isn’t true. I love you. So, so much. Archie eyed her suspiciously. – But you’re mean. – Not mean, just strict. Because I want you to grow into a good person. Sometimes, being strict is love too – do you see? He thought for a long time. – Will you give me a cuddle? Anna wrapped him in her arms until Archie laughed… Gradually, day by day, the real Archie returned – the one racing to show his mum his drawings, nestling into bed to her lullabies. Max watched Anna and Archie laughing and playing, thinking about his own mum. She called a few times. Max never picked up. Valerie sat alone in her flat. No grandson. No son. All she’d wanted was to save Max from the wrong woman. And now she’d lost both. Anna laid her head on Max’s shoulder. – Thank you for fixing things. – Sorry it took me so long to see what was right in front of me. Archie scrambled onto his dad’s lap. – Mum, Dad, can we go to the zoo tomorrow? Turns out, life was starting to look up after all…

My mother-in-law, shes a piece of work

Emily, have you left a damp towel on the hook in the bathroom again?

The sound of Marions voice came from the hallway just as Emily stepped in from work. Marion stood there, arms folded tightly, giving her daughter-in-law a piercing glare.

Its drying there, Emily said, kicking off her shoes. Thats what the hooks for.
In decent households, towels go on the heated rail. But what would you know about that.

Emily ignored her and strode past. Twenty-eight years old, two university degrees, running her own departmentand here she was, getting lectured about towels. Every single day.

Marion watched her go, unimpressed. That constant silence, the cold shoulders, the way she carried herself, as if she owned the place. After fifty-five years, Marion fancied she knew people. Shed disliked this girl from the start. Icy. Full of herself. Max needed a warm, homely wife, not some statue.

Over the next few days, Marion kept her eyes peeled. She took mental notes, storing everything away

Jack, tidy away your toys before tea.
I dont want to.
I wasnt asking, Jack. Put them away.

Six-year-old Jack pouted, but trudged off to gather up his soldiers. Emily didnt even glance his way, still chopping vegetables in the kitchen.

From the sitting room, Marion watched on. That chilliness she noticed, yes, here it wasno smiles, no gentle word, just orders. Poor child.

Nana, Jack clambered up beside her on the sofa when Emily went to put the washing away. Why is Mum always so angry?

Marion stroked her grandsons head. The moment was just right.

You know, my love Some people are just like that. They dont know how to show love. Its rather sad.
Do you know how?
Of course, darling. Nana loves you very much. Nanas not mean.

Jack snuggled closer, and Marion smiled to herself.

Every time they were alone, she added another brushstroke to the picture. Careful. Gradual.

Mum didnt let me watch cartoons today, Jack complained a week later.
Poor thing. She is rather strict, isnt she? Sometimes Nana thinks shes just a bit too hard on you. But dont you fret, you can always come to me, and Ill understand.

Jack nodded, soaking it up. Nana was kind. Nana understood. But Mum…

You know, Marion would drop her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, some mums just dont know how to be loving. Its not your fault, Jack. Youre a wonderful boy. Its just that your mum isnt very good at it.

Jack gave her a squeeze. Something cold and unfamiliar began to settle in his chest whenever he thought about his mother.

A month later, Emily started to sense a change.

Jack, darling, come here and give me a cuddle.

He pulled away.

I dont want to.
Why not?
I just dont.

He dashed off to his grandmother. Emily was left standing in the playroom, arms outstretched. Something in their family fabric had torn, and she couldnt quite pin down when.

From the hallway Marion looked on, lips curling in satisfaction.

Jack, Emily knelt by her son that evening, Are you upset with me?
No.
Then why dont you want to play with me?

Jack shrugged, eyes distant, closed off.

I want Nana.

Emily let him go, a dull ache building in her chest.

Max, I dont recognise Jack anymore, she confided in her husband late at night when everyone else had gone to bed. Hes avoiding me. He never used to.
Oh come on. Hes a child. They change their minds every five minutes.
This isnt a phase. He looks at me like Ive done something wrong.
Youre overthinking. Mum is with him all day, maybe hes just attached to her.

Emily wanted to say more but stopped. Max was already glued to his phone.

Your mum loves you, Marion would tell her grandson as she tucked him in on nights they worked late. But in her own way. Its cold. Firm. Not all mums know how to be soft, you see?
Why?
Its just one of those things, love. But Nana would never hurt you. Nana will always protect you. Not like Mum, eh.

Jack drifted off to sleep with those words and greeted his mother each morning with just a little more wariness.

Soon, he didnt even try to hide who he favoured.

Jack, shall we go for a walk? Emily held out her hand.
I want to go with Nana.
Jack
With Nana!

Marion seized her grandsons hand.

Why are you bothering the child? Cant you see he doesnt want to go with you? Lets get you an ice cream, Jack, shall we?

They headed off. Emily stood watching them, feeling a heavy weight crushing her chest. Her own son turning away, running to his grandmother, and she didnt have a clue why.

That evening, Max found his wife in the kitchen, staring at her cold tea, gaze unfocused.

Ill talk to him, Em. I promise.

She nodded, too drained to form words. Max went to Jacks room and sat next to him.

Jack, tell mewhy dont you want to spend time with Mum?

Jack looked away.

Just dont.
Thats not an answer, is it? Has Mum upset you?
No
So what is it?

Jack stayed silent. At six, he couldnt explain what he barely grasped. Nana said Mum was mean and cold, so it must be true. Nana didnt lie.

Max left empty-handed.

Meanwhile, Marion plotted her next move. Emily was looking more defeated by the dayclear as daylight. Just a little more, she thought, and the upstart would leave of her own accord. Max deserved a proper wife, not some frozen statue.

Jack, she cornered him in the hallway the next day, while Emily was upstairs in the shower, You know Nana loves you more than anything, dont you?
I know.
And your mum well, shes not much cop, is she? Doesnt give cuddles, doesnt spoil you, always cross. Poor boy.

She didnt hear her sons footsteps behind her.

Mum.

Marion spun around. Max stood frozen in the doorway, face ashen.

Jack, go to your room, he said, voice low and dangerous. Jack didnt hesitate.

Max, honestly, I just
I heard everything.

A heavy silence hung in the air.

You Max swallowed. Youve been turning him against Emily? All this time?
Im looking out for my grandson! Shes like a prison warden with him!
Have you lost your mind?

Marion stepped back. Shed never seen her son look at her like thatfull of revulsion.

Max, listen
No, you listen, he stepped closer. Youve poisoned my son against his own mother. Against my wife. Do you have any idea what youve done?
I meant well!
Well? Jack cringes away from Emily! Shes miserable! And you call that well?

Marion lifted her chin proudly.

Good. Shes not right for you. Cold, cruel, unfeeling
Thats enough!

The shout stopped them both in their tracks. Max was shaking with fury.

Pack your things. Today.
Youre turning your mother out?
Im protecting my family. From you.

Marion opened her mouthand shut it again. In her sons eyes, she saw her sentence. No discussions. No second chances.

Within the hour, she was gone. Without a goodbye.

Max found Emily in their bedroom.

I know why Jack has changed.

Emily looked up, red-eyed.

Its Mum. Shes been telling him you dont really love him, that youre cruel. Shes been putting him against you all this time.

Emily stared at him, breathing out slowly.

I I thought I was losing my mind. I thought I was a terrible mother.

Max pulled her closer.

Youre a wonderful mum. Mum I dont know what got into her. Shell never see Jack again.

The following weeks were hard. Jack missed his grandmother, confused by her sudden disappearance. But Emily and Max talked things through with him, gently and patiently.

Sweetheart, Emily ran her hand through his hair, what Nana said about me its not true. I love you very much.

Jack looked sceptical.

But youre mean.
Not mean, sweetheartstrict. Because I want you to grow up into a good person. Sometimes being strict is a kind of love too, do you understand?

Jack thought about it for a long time.

Can you give me a cuddle?

Emily hugged him so tightly he giggled.

Bit by bit, day by day, he came back. The real Jack. The boy who used to run up to show mum his drawings, who fell asleep to her lullabies.

Max watched his wife and son playing together in the lounge and thought of his mother. She rang a few times, but Max didnt answer.

Marion stayed alone in her flat. No grandson, no son. All shed wanted was to save Max from an unsuitable wife. In the end, she lost them both.

Emily laid her head on Maxs shoulder.

Thank you for sorting it out.
Sorry it took me so long to see what was right in front of me.

Jack ran up and clambered onto Maxs lap.

Dad, Mum, can we go to the zoo tomorrow?

Turned out life was slowly falling back into place.