Warming Up the Marriage
Listen, Anna what if we tried an open marriage? Richard ventured, his tone uncomfortable.
What? Anna blinked several times, unsure shed heard him right. Youre joking, arent you?
Why not? Its normal, her husband shrugged, making a show of calm detachment. You see it all over on the Continentvery common, really. Some say it even livens things up. Its like you always say, a bit of pudding wont hurt when youre dietingit keeps you from falling off the wagon entirely. Same with life, you know. Bit of variety.
Anna stared, trying to digest the suggestion. To compare an affair to a slice of cake was magnificently foolish, or simply brazen.
Richard she began. If you want to leave, then just do it honestly. Ill give you your freedom, but dont drag me into something sordid.
Why are you so prickly? Richard shot back. I do love you, you know. Just the sparks gone out. Were sleeping back to back, never talking except about the Tesco shop or the electric bill. Its dull, thats all. I thought we both needed a bit of a shake-up. Im not saying you cant spread your wings either. Meet someone, lighten up a bit. Why not?
Anna narrowed her eyes. Suddenly, she knew he was lying. His darting glance, the restless tapping on the old oak table Yes, he wanted freedom. But not tomorrow or next week. He probably wanted it yesterday.
Richard, tell me honestly. Youve already found someone, havent you? And now you want to ease your conscience with this talk of freedom?
Oh, here we go! Richard waved it away. If that were the case, would I be asking? Foolish to even bring it up. I wish I hadnt. Always the stick-in-the-mud, you are. Never mind
With those words, he rosehuffing like a wounded martyrand disappeared into the study. Anna sat alone with her thoughts.
Twenty-five years. Shed given him her best, weathered his triumphs and heartbreaks, survived lean years, endless overtimenow cast in a very different light. And there he was, well-fed, smug, asking her to be complicit in a crime against their family. Lighten up. What an easy phrase.
That night, they slept apart. Or rather, Anna didnt sleep at all. She lay staring first at the ceiling, then at the window, wondering how theyd come to this. Once, Richard had brought her armfuls of lilac, worked steadfastly for their lovely wedding, rejoiced at the birth of their daughter. Now if only hed just left outright.
When had the point of no return come? Perhaps when she stopped putting on lipstick at home just for him? Or when he first forgot their anniversary, blaming a late shift? It hardly mattered now.
On one hand, she wanted to file for divorce and erase everything. On the otherhow do you simply discard half your life?
Maybe there hadnt been fireworks, but there was habit, shared home and routineRichard seemed a reliable anchor. Their daughter, Catherine, had long since moved to London. Old age loomed, and they had nursed each other through bad colds and job losses. He even took out a sizeable loan to help her mother. Not every man does that.
Anna felt a tangled mess of emotionshurt, fear, anger. Perhaps he thinks I cant find anyone? she wondered bitterly. That Im an old bird with nothing to offer? That Ill just sit at home, stew the soup, knit socks for future grandchildren, and wait faithfully while he gallivants about?
Not a chance.
Very well, she told him at breakfast. Lets do as you wish.
What do you mean?
I agree to your open marriage.
Richard nearly choked on his tea; hed expected another row, but she simply said yes.
Well all right then. Might surprise yourself, he muttered. By the way, Ill be home late tonight.
Her heart twinged. So soon?
Evening fell drizzly and silent. Anna felt spent, discarded. As if shed been appraised and found wanting, like an out-of-date phone model tossed aside.
She stood at the mirror. True, her eyes looked tired, there were new lines at the corners, her skin not as flawless as before. But her figure still neat, her hair thick. Perhaps she was attractive still? Maybe the problem wasnt her, but Richard.
Other men had liked her: James, for instance, the new head of accounts. Hed transferred from another branch only a month ago. Handsome, distinguished, with silver at his temples, and a wry smile.
James had noticed Anna straightawaycomplimented her scarf, held the door, made a habit of bringing her coffee. Hed invited her for lunch twice; last week hed suggested dinner.
James, shed demurred, Im on a dietits called marriage.
Anna, marriage is just a signature on paper, not a life sentence, he had smiled. But I wont push.
Richard wanted her to socialise? To spread her wings? Why not.
Good evening, James. Does your dinner offer still stand? I find I have a little free time now, and I wouldnt mind breaking the diet, she texted.
Anna wasnt exacting revenge; she simply wanted to feel like a woman again. To revive her sense of self, so battered these past two days.
The rest of the night passed in strange exhilaration. James was the perfect gentlemanpulled out her chair, kept her glass filled, listened intently, and his gaze as though she was the only woman in the room.
Anna felt shy, but also alive in a way she hadnt for ageseager, the centre of attention for once. At last, her world was more than Victors socks and washing up.
Would you like to come back to mine? James offered as dessert ended. Well pick up a bottle of wine, watch something. Continue an already delightful evening.
She nodded. A voice inside yelled, Think! But she remembered Victors face telling her to lighten up.
Theyd just reached Jamess flat when her mobile buzzed ceaselessly. Richard. She ignored him once, twice no use.
Yes? She strove to sound calm.
Where the devil are you? Richard barked. Its ten. Not a morsel in the house, and youre off somewhere. Have you lost your mind?
Anna was dumbstruck. James, sensing trouble, discreetly vanished into the lounge. The sparkle of the evening quickly dulled.
In fact… Im on a date, Richard.
A what? A flaming date?
Do I have to spell it out? You suggested open marriage, told me to get out and socialise. Well, here I am. What, is that not how its meant to work?
A heavy pause, broken only by Richards angry breathing. Then the floodgates burst.
You youve actually run off to some bloke? I was only joking! I wanted to see if you cared! To test you! So you just needed an excuse, didnt you? Sulked for a day, then ran straight to someone else?
Anna was lost for words.
And where did you go tonight? she pressed.
Nowhere! I was at work, thats all, he snapped. Right. I want none of your filth. Either pack your bags, or Ill go. Were getting divorced.
He hung up. Anna stared at the wall, feeling spat on and humiliated.
All right? James asked softly when she emerged, pale and shaking.
Yes well. Not really. She tried to smile but couldnt.
Anna, he checked his watch gently, I think perhaps nows not the best time. You might want to go, sort things out at home.
The magic had gone, the coach was a pumpkin, and the dashing gentlemanjust someone who didnt want to get caught up in her family drama. He was only human, after all; hed hoped for a pleasant evening, not a strangers domestic crisis.
Perhaps she shouldve just filed for divorce right then. But clever thoughts always come too late.
That night Anna did not return home. She found a room at a local inn. She couldnt face her furious husband yet; she needed time to adjust to the fact that things would never be the same again.
Three years passed
Time, that most patient sculptor, chipped away what was no longer neededeven when it stung.
Richard soon took up with another, even before their divorce was through. Fittingly, she left him as soon as hed sold the house with Anna and pocketed his sharealong with hers.
Nothing came from things with James. They still crossed paths at the office, polite but distant. Anna came to a simple truth: men willing to play the lovers part often vanished as soon as the opening for partner for life appeared.
Yet Anna didnt seek anyone new. Alone in her new flat, she found time and energy she never knew she hadtime once devoured by housekeeping and Richards whims. Now, she focused on herself, for her own sake, not anyone elses.
A morning swim eased her bad back, English lessons sharpened her mind. She cut her hair short and updated her wardrobe completely.
And best of allshe became a grandmother.
Her daughter Catherine had a little one six months ago. At first, when the scandal broke, Catherine was furiousRichard painted himself as the jilted man, speaking darkly of Annas affair, how shed shattered the family for a lover.
But in time, the truth came clear. Catherine visitedto demand answers, to look her mother in the eye. Instead, she found not the fallen woman her father spoke of, but a tired, honest soul.
Anna told it as it was. Richard, she explained, had suggested everything himself. Hed grown distant years before. Shed felt alone in their marriage long before the end. Catherine, now married herself, understood. And when Richard quickly moved in with his new lover, it was the final strawshe unwaveringly supported her mother.
Now Anna sat in Catherines cozy kitchen, her baby granddaughterSophiegripping her finger with marshmallow fists.
Dad rang again, Catherine remarked, wrinkling her nose. Wants to visit. Says hed like to see Sophie.
And what did you say? Anna asked evenly.
I told him were out of town, Catherine sighed. I dont want him here, Mum. First, he badmouths you, then he asks for my help to reunite you. He unsettles me every time. I definitely dont want him filling Sophies head with his nonsense. Let him enjoy his freedom…
Anna said nothing, just hugged her granddaughter closer.
Richard got what he wantedabsolute freedom. No one nagging, no one interrupting his football. Only now did he discover that freedom can taste awfully bitter. But it was much, much too late.
