No, Mum, you definitely dont need to come up right now. Just think about it its such a long journey, an overnight train, and youre not getting any younger. Why put yourself through the bother? Besides, its spring, so you must have plenty to do in the garden my son said to me over the phone.
But son, really, you know why Id like to come. We havent seen each other for ages. And Id really like to get to know your wife better and meet my daughter-in-law properly I answered honestly.
Tell you what, lets wait until the end of the month, and well all come down to see you for Easter when well have a long weekend off he reassured me.
Truthfully, I was all set to go, but I believed him and agreed to stay put and wait at home.
But no one showed up. I rang my son several times, but he either didnt answer or cut me off. Later, he rang back himself, saying he was terribly busy and I shouldnt be expecting them after all.
I was very upset. Id been looking forward to seeing my son and his wife. He got married six months ago and I hadnt even met my daughter-in-law yet.
My son William was my only child. I had him for myself, as they say. I was already thirty and had never married, so I decided at least to have a child of my own.
It might sound selfish, but I never once regretted that decision, even though times were often hard we just scraped by. I always juggled several jobs to make sure my boy had everything he needed.
Will grew up and went to study in London. To support him when he first moved, I even started doing seasonal jobs abroad, sending him enough pounds for his studies and living costs in the city. It warmed my heart to know I could help my child.
By his third year at university, William was already earning his own keep. And after he finished his degree and got a job, he supported himself completely.
He came home but only once a year or so. And me Im embarrassed to admit Id never even been to London in my life.
I thought, well, once Will gets married, Ill definitely go. I even started saving up for such a day. Managed to put away £1,500 for the occasion.
Six months ago, he rang with the long-awaited news he was getting married.
Mum, but you dont need to come up, were just signing the papers for now the wedding celebration will be later he told me.
I was disappointed, but what could I say. Will introduced me to his wife, Sophie, by video call. She seemed all right very pretty, actually, and well-off too. Her father is some successful businessman. I just had to be happy that things were going well for my boy.
Time passed, but my son didnt come to visit, nor did he invite me. I just wanted to finally meet Sophie and to hug Will, so in the end, I got fed up with waiting I bought a train ticket, packed a basket of homemade food, even baked my own bread and brought along a few jars of jam and preserves, and set off. I called Will before I got on the train.
Mum, honestly! Why? Im at work I cant come and meet you. All right, heres our address, grab a taxi from the station Will said.
I arrived in London in the morning, took a taxi, and was frankly shocked by the fare, but the city looked beautiful as the sun rose, so at least I could admire the view on the way.
Sophie, my daughter-in-law, opened the door. She didnt smile or hug me. Just curtly showed me through to the kitchen. Will was already at work.
I started unpacking my bags: potatoes, beetroot, eggs, dried apples, some pickled mushrooms, gherkins, tomatoes, and a few jars of homemade jam. Sophie just watched in silence and finally said Id brought all this for nothing, since they didnt eat such things and, anyway, she never cooked at home.
Well, what do you eat then? I asked, surprised.
We get food delivered every day. I cant stand cooking it makes the kitchen smell, and I cant abide lingering odours, replied Sophie.
Just as I was trying to digest her words, a child came into the kitchen: a little boy, maybe three or so.
This is my son, Oliver, Sophie said.
Oliver? I repeated, trying to be sure.
Yes, Oliver. I do wish people wouldnt change names. I cant stand it when people get it wrong.
All right, Sophie, if you say so.
Its Sophie, not any sort of nickname she snapped. People here dont play around with names but how would you know
I almost burst into tears. It wasnt that Will had married a woman with a child it was that hed never breathed a word about it.
That wasnt the only surprise in store. I looked up and spotted a large wedding photo on the wall.
Oh, so there was no wedding, but at least youve got some nice photos, I tried to lighten the mood.
Of course there was a wedding two hundred guests! The only one missing was you. Will said you were ill. Maybe its for the best muttered Sophie, giving me a good once-over.
Would you like some breakfast?
Yes, please
Sophie set a cup of tea and a few slices of fancy cheese before me. That was her idea of breakfast.
Im not used to that I need a proper meal in the morning, especially after a long trip. I decided to fry up some eggs and slice my homemade bread but Sophie was adamant I couldnt, because of the smell in the kitchen.
She refused my bread and said she and Will were strictly on healthy eating.
I didnt feel like eating any more myself I was just too hurt that my own son hadnt invited me to his wedding. Id waited years for that moment and saved up for it, only for it all to be for nothing.
I sipped my tea. Sophie didnt say a thing. Just silence, heavy in the air. Then Oliver came over and hugged me I tried to cuddle him, but Sophie practically jumped between us, waving her hands and saying she had no idea what germs I might be bringing. After all, he was only a child.
I hadnt brought anything special for him except a small jar of raspberry jam. I offered it, saying it would be lovely with pancakes.
Sophie snatched it straight from me: How many times do I have to say? Were on a healthy diet no sugar!
I thought Id cry any minute. I never finished my tea. I went to the hall, put on my coat and shoes. Sophie didnt react, didnt even ask where I was headed.
I went and sat on a bench outside, under the block of flats, and finally let myself cry. I dont think Ive ever felt so bitterly disappointed in my life.
A little while later, Sophie came out with the boy, and dumped every single jar of my preserves straight in the bin.
I couldnt even find the words. Once shed gone, I quietly gathered the jars back into my bags and made my way to the station. Luck was with me someone turned in a ticket, and I managed to buy it for that evenings train.
Near the station was a café. I treated myself to a bowl of proper stew, a slice of roast with potatoes and salad. It was pricey, but surely I was worth a good meal.
I put my bags in left luggage, and had a few hours to wander round London. The city was beautiful it almost made me forget.
On the train ride home, I didnt sleep. I wept. It hurt my son didnt even ring to ask where I was.
Id sooner expect snow in July than to be received by my only child like that. Id pinned all my hopes on him, but I turned out to be unnecessary.
Now I wonder what to do with the £1,500 I saved for his wedding. Give it to him anyway, to show his mother always cared? Or simply keep it, as he never earned it?
I suppose I learned that sometimes, as much as you hope and put others first, you cant expect anything in return not even gratitude from your own flesh and blood. Sometimes, you just have to be kind to yourself.
