The Real Son “Lena, you won’t believe it! Matvey and I have decided—we’re off to Turkey again next year!” My stepdad was practically glowing with happiness. “He says he needs that hotel with the sea view all over again. What can I do? My own son makes the call, you know?” That word—*own*—slipped out so naturally, as if it mattered. “I’m happy for you,” I answered, thinking back to better times, before Matvey appeared on the scene. “Your own son… And you always said we were a family. That there was no difference, whether a child was born to you or not.” He used to say that. That I was his daughter, and that’s all there was to it. “Here you go again… Oh, Lena! You’re my daughter, that’s not up for debate! You know I love you as if you were my own. But still, Matvey is my son…” He didn’t even realize he’d just proven my point. “Matvey’s your son. So I’m just…what, an acquaintance?” “Lena, what are you talking about? I just said, you’re like a daughter to me!” “Like a daughter… Did you ever take me to the seaside? In the fifteen years you’ve called yourself my dad?” Nope. Never did. Arthur was always saying there was no difference between me and Matvey, but I could hear it in how much he did for his son—there was a world of difference. “It just never worked out, Lena. You know money was always tight in the past. You’re not a kid, you know what two weeks in a five-star hotel costs… It’s expensive.” “I get it,” I nodded. “Expenses. It’s a bit much to take me there. But for Matvey, whom you only discovered six months ago, you’re already thinking of buying a flat, so he’s got somewhere to bring his wife?” I smiled thinly, “Guess that’s a minor expense if it’s for a son?” “I’m not buying anyone a flat. Who told you that, eh?” “People.” “Tell your ‘good people’ to stop spreading gossip.” For a minute, I felt a flicker of hope. “Really, you’re not?” “Of course not. Oh, by the way! Guess where we’re going with him this Saturday? Karting! Back when he was at uni, he did some sort of racing, and I just tag along.” “Karting?” I repeated, “Sounds thrilling.” “Doesn’t it just?!” “Can I come with you two?” The question popped out before I could stop it. Arthur, clearly not wanting me there, spluttered: “Uh… Lena… You’d be bored, honestly. It’s a guy thing, really. Matvey and I, we’ve got our… you know, father-son stuff to talk about.” Ouch. “So… it might be entertaining for you, but not for me?” “That’s not quite it…” Arthur fidgeted, “It’s just, well, we haven’t seen each other for a lifetime. We’re trying to make up for lost time, just the two of us, you understand?” Understand. “You understand” had become the cruellest phrase in our new family lexicon. I was supposed to understand that flesh and blood always comes first, that now my place is somewhere out in the cold. And to be fair, Matvey was a great guy. Grew up without a father—his mum never told Arthur she’d had a child. And yet he’d done well for himself: clever, good-looking, kind. Everything a father could want from a son. “Dad, I helped out at the animal shelter. Fixed up the dog kennels,” Matvey would say. “Dad, by the way, you know I graduated top of my class?” “Dad, look, I fixed your phone!” He wasn’t just a son. He was the ideal son. That evening, after Arthur left, I found myself flipping through old photos. Arthur and Mum’s wedding (Mum, gone five years now, just leaving Arthur and me). Us at the allotment… Me on my school graduation day… Nothing would ever be as it was. * “Lena, you up? I’ve got an urgent question.” Arthur turned up at eight on the dot the next morning. “What’s so urgent?” I pushed back my fringe and started the coffee machine. “It’s about the flat for Matvey.” “So it’s true, then?” I breathed out. “Sorry, but yes. True.” “And you lied to me.” “I just didn’t want to upset you. But I need your advice! I’m thinking I should move quickly. He’ll want to get married sooner or later, and it’s best to help him while he’s still young. Give him a roof over his head. You know what I went through…” “Take out a mortgage,” I said tightly, dreading this whole conversation. Matvey really had landed on his feet. “I know, I know. But you know my credit history is a mess… Matvey deserves help from a dad he never had before.” “So what exactly do you want from me?” “Here’s the thing. I’ve got £20,000 saved. That’s enough for a deposit. The bank will never approve a loan for me. But they’d approve it for you. Clean record, you see? We put it in your name, make the payments together. All above board, I promise.” The illusion that “there’s no difference” between us was shattered forever. Oh, there’s a difference, all right. Not like he’d have put Matvey in this position. “So Matvey gets the flat, and I get the mortgage? Is that the deal?” Arthur shook his head, as if I’d just offered him an insult. “No, no! I’ll make all the payments… I’m not asking you to pay! Just need it in your name. Just think it over—” “I’m not thinking about the mortgage, Arthur. I’m thinking about the fact you don’t see me as your daughter anymore. You’ve got a son now. Him, you’ve known for six months. Me, for fifteen years. And only blood matters.” “That’s not true!” Arthur flared, “I love you both equally!” “No. You don’t.” “Lena, that’s not fair! He’s my real—” Curtain down. I wasn’t his daughter anymore. Just someone convenient to have around, until the real deal showed up. “Right then,” I said as politely as I could. “I won’t be signing anything, Arthur. I’ll need to buy my own flat one day. The bank won’t give me a second mortgage, will they?” Arthur seemed to remember for the first time that I’d be needing a place too. “Oh… I suppose you will, won’t you? But at least for now, before you buy your own, you could help me. I’ve got most of it covered, honestly. It’s just a couple of years—” “No. I’m not having anything registered in my name.” I didn’t expect Arthur to understand. “Fine,” he said, “If you can’t help me as a daughter… then I’ll have to manage by myself.” Whether he actually ever saw me as a daughter didn’t matter anymore. Now, Arthur existed only in the photographs. One evening, scrolling through my feed, I saw it. Arthur and Matvey at the airport, both in matching light jackets. Arthur’s hand, proudly on his son’s shoulder. The caption: “Off to Dubai with my dad. Family means everything.” Family. I put my phone down. A memory came back—me at five, years before Mum married Arthur. Life was tough then. My favourite doll broke, the one Gran had given me, and I sobbed and sobbed. My real father just shrugged: “Lena, why cry over a silly toy? Don’t bother me!” He was a man who never wanted to be bothered. His main interest was a bottle. I never really had a father, not until Arthur. Or so I thought. Arthur tried once more to change my mind. “Lena, we need to sort out this trust issue between us…” “What trust issue, Arthur? I said no, clearly.” “You really don’t understand. Matvey… he never knew his dad. Not ever! I have to make it up to him, somehow. He’s a grown man—he needs somewhere to live. And you wouldn’t have to do anything except sign! I promise, not a penny out of your pocket.” “Who’s going to make it up to me?” That hit a nerve. “Lena, enough! I don’t want any more arguments. I do love you, I do! But you have to understand—Matvey is my real family now. Maybe you’ll get it if you have your own kids one day. Yes, I love you both, but it’s different. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.” “You need me. As a resource.” “Lena, cool off! You’re being dramatic.” “You switched to him in six months, Arthur,” I said. “I never asked you to choose. There never was a choice. You’ve told the truth: Matvey is your real one. I never was.” Six months went by. Arthur didn’t call. Not once. One day, I saw a new photo in my feed. Arthur and Matvey, this time in the mountains, both wearing expensive skiing gear. The caption: “Teaching Dad to snowboard! He’s a bit old for it, but with a son by your side, anything is possible!” I looked at it for a long while. I reached for my laptop to finish my report, when I got a text from an unknown number. “Hi Lena, it’s Matvey. Dad gave me your number, but he can’t bring himself to call. He wanted me to let you know he sorted the flat without your help, and he’s worried about you. He also wants to invite you over for the May bank holiday. He can’t explain why, but he’s really hoping you’ll come.” I typed and rewrote my reply three times. “Hi Matvey. Tell Arthur I’m really glad things are going well for him. I think about him too. But I won’t be coming. I have my own plans—I’m off to the seaside.” I didn’t mention that I’d bought my own ticket, and that it was only Brighton, not Turkey, and I wasn’t going with my dad but with a friend. I hit send. And realized that happiness was still possible, even without him.

– Ellie, you wont believe this! Me and Daniel have decided to go back to Spain next year! My stepdad sounded absolutely thrilled, glowing even. Says he just has to stay at that seaside hotel again. What can I say? Who am I to deny my own son that?

I couldnt help but notice how he made sure to point out: *his own* son.

Im happy for you both, I replied, remembering how lovely everything used to be before Daniel showed up out of the blue. Your own son But youve always said were a family. That it didnt matter if I was yours by blood or not.

He had said exactly that, many times. That I was his daughter and that was all that mattered.

Youre going off again Come on, Ellie! You know youre like a daughter to me, theres no question about it! I love you as if you were my own. But Daniel

He didnt even realize he was proving my point.

Daniels your son. And I guess Im just some family friend?

Ellie, what are you talking about? Like I just said, youre as good as a daughter to me!

As good as But did you ever take *me* to the seaside? In the whole fifteen years youve been calling yourself my dad?

He never had taken me. Arthur always insisted there was no difference between me and Daniel, but from the way he bent over backwards for Daniel, I knew the truth there was a massive difference.

It never worked out, Ellie. You know, money was tight back then. Youre old enough to understand two weeks in a five-star hotel doesnt come cheap

I get it, I nodded. Too expensive to take me there. But Daniel, who youve only known for half a year, youre already thinking of taking out a mortgage so hell have somewhere to bring his future wife? I suppose thats only a minor expense when its *your son*, right?

Im not *buying* anyone a flat. Where did you hear that?

Good people talk.

Well, you can tell these good people to stop spreading rumours.

I felt a little spark of hope.

Honestly, youre not buying one?

Course not. Oh, by the way! Guess where were off to this Saturday? and before I could even try to guess, he was grinning Go-karting! He used to race at uni, and I just like to tag along.

Go-karting, I echoed. Sounds fun.

Too right!

Can I come with you? The question fell out of my mouth before I could stop it.

Arthur, who clearly wanted to keep it just the two of them, fumbled a bit, Uh, well Ellie Its not really your thing. Honestly. Its just a a lads day out, you know? Me and Daniel have a lot to catch up on, father-son stuff.

That stung more than I expected.

So, itll be fun for you, for Daniel, but not for me?

Thats not it, exactly Arthur squirmed awkwardly. Its just, well, me and him havent seen each other for most of his life, we want to spend a bit of time, the two of us. I hope you understand?

Hope you understand. That phrase had started to sound like some cruel joke. I was expected to understand that blood ties trump everything. That my place was now outside looking in.

To be fair, Daniel was a pretty great bloke. Grew up without a dad, since his mum never told Arthur about him. Yet, despite everything, he was smart, talented, generous seemed to do everything brilliantly.

Dad, I helped at the dogs home today, fixed up some kennels.

Hey Dad, did you know I got a first in my degree?

Dad, just fixed your phone.

He wasnt just Arthurs son. He was the *perfect* son.

That evening, after Arthur left our little flat, I flicked through some old photos Arthur and Mums wedding, before she died five years back and left just me and Arthur. Those weekends at the allotment. My school graduation All snapshots of a different, happier life.

Nothing was ever going to be the same again.

***

Ellie, you awake? Quick question urgent. Arthur showed up at mine at eight in the morning.

Whats the emergency?

I shoved my fringe back with a headband and set the coffee machine going.

About that flat for Daniel.

So it *is* true, then? I breathed.

Sorry, love, yeah it is.

And you lied to me.

Didnt want to upset you, thats all. But I need your advice. I think its time to get a move on. Hes going to want to settle down eventually. Best get him a place while hes still young. I know what its like to have nothing

Well, take out a mortgage, then, I muttered. I really didnt want to sit and hear about how wonderful it would be for Daniel to waltz into a new flat.

Yeah, I know but you know what my credits like. The bank would never go for it. Daniel deserves a bit of help from his dad, after everything. I owe it to him.

Wheres this going?

Can you help me? If I asked?

Depends. With what exactly?

Let me explain. Ive got £20,000. Thatll cover the deposit. But the bank wont give *me* a mortgage. Theyd give one to you though your credits spotless. We put it in your name, take out the loan together, and Ill make all the payments, promise.

Any illusion that there was no difference between us evaporated there and then. There was a difference, all right. Not chucking *Daniel* in front of the lending sharks.

So, Daniel gets a flat, and I get lumbered with a loan? Thats about the size of it, isnt it?

Arthur shook his head, suddenly all hurt and offended, as if *Id* come up with the plan.

Dont be daft! Id pay the whole thing! Im not asking you to cough up any money. Its just a technical thing, really. Just think about it

You know, Arthur, Im not thinking about whether to take the mortgage or not. Im thinking that you dont see me as your daughter anymore. Youve got your son now. Only known him six months, but thats what matters actual flesh and blood.

Thats not true! Arthur snapped I love you both the same!

No. You dont.

Ellie, thats not fair! Hes my own, though

Curtains. That was it. I was no longer his daughter. Just the adopted one, good enough until the real thing came along.

I see. I tried to keep my voice polite. I cant, Arthur. Ill need my own place at some point. I wont get approved for a second mortgage.

Arthur seemed to remember, just then, that I didnt have a flat either.

Oh, yeah youll need one too He fiddled with his watch. But while youre still looking, you could just help me out, couldnt you? Ive already got most of it saved, only a bit extra to add. Its just for a couple of years, max.

No. Im not putting my name on anything.

I never expected Arthur to get it.

Fine, he said. If you cant help me as a daughter well, Ill sort it out myself.

Whether he ever truly saw me as his own child, I wasnt sure anymore. From now on, Arthur was just a face in my photo albums.

One night, scrolling through social media, I saw it.

A photo taken in the airport. Arthur and Daniel, both in light jackets. Arthurs hand on Daniels shoulder. Underneath the photo, the caption: Flying to Dubai with my dad. Family is everything.

Family.

I put my phone down.

I suddenly remembered a moment from when I was little, ages before Mum married Arthur. I must have been five. We didnt have much. My favourite doll, which Granny gave me, broke, and I cried my eyes out. My real dad just said, Ellie, why are you crying over such nonsense? Dont bother me!

You could never bother him. The only thing that interested him was a bottle. Truthfully, I never really *had* a father. I thought Arthur had filled that gap

It wasnt long before Arthur tried one last time.

Ellie, Ive been thinking maybe theres a trust issue between us

Trust? I told you, Arthur its a no.

You just dont understand. Daniel grew up without a dad. He needs a roof over his head. Thats nothing to do with you, you wouldnt pay a penny, just need your name as a guarantee.

I wish someone would fill the gaps in my life for once

He didnt like that at all.

Ellie, enough! Im not looking for a row. I really do love you, honestly! But you must see Daniels my real family now. When you have kids, youll understand. Yes, I love you differently, but that doesnt mean youre not important.

Important. As a help.

Ellie, calm down! Youre blowing this out of proportion.

Youve made your choice, Arthur, I said. Im not asking you to pick sides, although its pretty clear which youd pick if you had to. You spoke the truth Daniels your flesh and blood. And I never was.

Six months went by. Not a single call from Arthur.

One day, scrolling through my feed as usual, I spotted a new photo.

Arthur and Daniel, up in the mountains. Arthur in fancy ski gear. Caption: Teaching Dad to snowboard! Bit old for it, but you can do anything with your son!

I stared at the photo for ages.

Then I turned back to my desk to finish my report, when my phone pinged. Unknown number.

Hi Ellie, its Daniel. Dad gave me your number he couldnt call himself. He says hes sorted the flat and didnt need your help after all. Hes worried about you. He really, really wants you to come for spring bank holiday. He doesnt know how to say it, but he misses you.

I typed and deleted my answer a dozen times.

Hi, Daniel. Tell Arthur Im pleased things worked out. Im thinking of him too. But I wont be coming. Ive got my own plans for the holiday. Heading to the seaside.

No need to mention that Id bought my own ticket, not to Spain, but to Brighton. And Id be going not with my dad, but with a friend.

I hit send.

And I thought, maybe it is possible to be happy without him, after all.