Alls Fair in Love and Inheritance
The entire family had assembleda rare occurrence only achievable when money fluttered into the picture, although, of course, it was all disguised as a wholesome “Sunday roast” gathering. Linda, the daughter of Grandma Doris and mother to Cathy and Archie, was fingering Grandmas old tea towelsthe ones shed always bundled her cash into, bless her. Now Doris could barely manage her own cardigan, let alone keep tabs on her pension, but Linda kept up the traditiontucking the money into the same faded cloths.
Oh, for heavens sake, Linda groaned theatrically, turning to the tribe, Its happened again. Two hundred quid at least, gone! Im not daft, I counted it myself! Where can it possibly go? Mum, do you remember how much was in there?
Gran Doris turnednot to her daughter, but to the portrait of her late husband on the sideboard.
Oh, Peter what a handsome devil, she mused, and then looked past Linda to her granddaughter, Jenny. And you, poppet, leave off with the biscuitstheyre for visitors. Wheres Archie? At school?
Linda tucked the crisp twenties away. Of course her mother had no clue, but Linda was convinced someone was pinching the money. A ridiculous thought, seeing as it was always just the family at home, but stillsomeone was clearly at it! And pinching from an old woman! Honestly.
Archie, conveniently the subject of Grans reminiscence, walked in at that moment.
Whats all this then, funeral practice? he quipped, dropping his car keys.
Linda, his mum, sniffled. Archie, its terrible! Grans pensionyou know, the money Ive been stashing for her in the cupboard these last few monthsits vanished again. Someone must be taking it!
Archie scanned the room with practiced suspicion. His mother trusted everyone, but Archie trusted only the postmanand that was strictly out of politeness.
Money, you say? Disappearing? he narrowed his eyes. Well, I think I might know where its getting to!
With a flourish, he ventured into the hallway, reappearing with Cathys stripy tote. Before Cathy could draw breath, Archie had unzipped it and upended the contents on the oilcloth-topped table.
A landslide of lipstick, house keys, a compact, andcash.
Lots of it.
Crumpled, greying notestwo hundred and fifty pounds in twenty-pound notes, easy as you like.
Behold! Archie grinned, brandishing a note. When I came in I knocked Cathys bag over, and look what fell outnotes! Twenty-quid notes Id know anywhere!
Aunt Gail, whod been eyeing her salad like it was a crossword puzzle, coughed violently at the sight.
If you looked closely, each note bore a faint scrawl of blue biroa thin, telltale line.
Anyone remember last month, when Mum was totalling up the money, and Ian scribbled over them with a pen? Well, here they are. The same ones from Grannys pension!
All eyes locked onto Cathy.
Cathy had been quiet as a church mouse up till then, but now she visibly jumped.
Archie, what are you doing?
Me? he replied in mock outrage, I did nothing! Walked past with your bag, it fell, and out came all thismoney! Familiar money!
Cathy realised she had to get her word in sharpish.
It wasnt me! she stammered, knocking against the table as she bolted upright.
Even Gran turned her head at the commotion.
Whos making a racket? Doris asked. Where are my slippers?
Every jaw was hanging slightly open.
Cathy, darling, Linda shot up, How could you? Youve a job now, and I help you besides! To steal from Granny
Mum, I didnt! Honestly, I never took anything!
Well, who else? Archie pounced, Youre always round here, taking care of Gran and all that. No one else has access. Mum does, but shed never. That leaves you.
Cathy recoiled, as though they meant to throw her out the window.
I swear, I never touched it!
She scanned her mother for a glimmer of belief, but Lindas expression was all disappointment and disbelief.
Youre lying, Linda whispered. How could you
I love Gran! cried Cathy, tears spilling over. Im only here to help hernever for the money!
But logic was against her. The money had fallen from her bag; nobody else could’ve done it.
That settles it, then, Archie summarised, Its a shame, Cat, really. You could have asked. But nicking from a helpless old ladyno one saw that coming.
That evening, Cathy was sent packing. Her world flipped upside down. No one would believe her. No one even wanted to hear her out. When Linda calmed down a touch, she tried asking the family to go easy, but
Shes not coming back, Linda, hissed Aunt Gail over the phone as Linda attempted to negotiate. Its mortifying. Even if Doris doesnt remember much these days, imagine if she knew! The shame of what Cathys become
So Linda obeyed. She nearly stopped speaking to her daughter altogether. If Cathy rang, Linda replied in curt monotones: Im busy. Later. Not now.
Cathy tried fighting her cornercalling family on borrowed mobiles, only to be hung up on as soon as they twigged it was her. She played detective for a bit, but got nowhere; she wasnt even allowed near Grans flat.
Her only victory: convincing her mother to meet.
Mum, please, Cathy pleaded. I know it sounds like an excuse, but I swearit wasnt me! Why wont you believe me?
For Linda, it stung more than anyone. She was her daughter, after all.
Cathyit hurts me too. But the money was found in your bag. Thats the truth. If it were just me who saw, we might brush it under the rug. But the family wont forgive you its hard for me too. Doris did so much for you.
But Im innocent! Maybe the money got mixed up earlier? Maybe it fell out from somewhere else? Maybe someone else
Stop. Linda cut her off. Youre my daughter, I want to believe you, but the facts are the facts. You nicked it.
With that, Linda left Cathy freezing on the park bench.
Not even a proper goodbye to Gran.
But Cathy waited until the dust settled, till the family dispersed, and made her way back to Grandmas flat, hoping her mum moved in. Linda was sharp-tongued but sometimes willing to talk. Maybe now Cathy could get through to her?
But it was Archie who answered the door.
He was tall; Cathy had to tilt her chin to meet his eyes. Maybe it was just as well.
Archie, Cathy said quietly, pleaseone last chat. Please.
Oh, Cathy. Still trying to salvage your reputation? Bit late for that, he said. Best confess. Perhaps the family will forgive you.
But Cathy didnt do apologies for things she hadnt done.
Nope. I want the truth. Maybe you got it wrong that day? Maybe the cash came from somewhere else? Remember carefully
A shadow flickered over Archies face.
Mixed it up? Cathy, really? That naïve?
He leaned in, voice low. Of course I know you didnt take it. Im the one who put it in your bag.
Her jaw dropped. Her mind blanked. What? was all she could manage.
You heard. Thats how it is.
Why on earth? Cathys voice trembled. Why would you do that?
I needed you out of the way.
Inheritance wars, darling. Alls fair. Gran wasnt going to last the year; you could see that. The flat had already gone to Mumjust to save solicitors hassle. But there was a problem: Mum, as you know, is a sentimental old bat. She wanted you to have it.
Cathy gaped.
But why? I dont
Because, dear Cathy, you came round every night, fed Gran, cleaned up, read her books (not that she understood a word). You were the golden grandchild. Mum saw it all. She thought you deserved it… And I didnt? Im a grandchild too. SoI had to play dirty.
I never did it for the flat! Cathy wailed, bruised rather than relieved by his confession. I did it for Gran because I love her!
He snorted. Oh, dont give me that. You wanted to look like Little Miss Innocent. Well, I outplayed you. One-nil.
When Cathy said nothing, Archie summed up. So now, youre a thief. Mum would never turn on meIm the good one, arent I? You, meanwhile, are the disgraced daughter. The flats mine. You cant even step in here without a circus.
You absolute Cathy spat.
He shrugged. Call it what you want. Anywayso long, sis. Ill enjoy the inheritance.
He opened the door for her.
Cathy didnt move. She could really have used that flatrenting is extortionate, and buying is just a fairy tale. But she genuinely did love her gran. She remembered the last lucid afternoon, Doris patting her cheek: Thank you for coming, my lovely. Youre just like my Peter.
To clear her name now would mean somehow exposing Archie, but how?
No idea.
As she left the house, Cathy realised that, in a year, everyone would forget who she really was. The only thing that would stick was this: Cathy stole from her dying grandma.
Archie had already won, and he was having a right old party about it.
