Linda, have you lost your mind in your old age? Youve got grandchildren in secondary schoolwhats this about getting married? Thats what my sister exclaimed when I told her I was getting married.
But why wait any longer? Tony and I are registering our marriage next week, so I thought Id better ring my sister and let her know. She lives all the way up in Newcastle, so she wouldnt be able to make it to the ceremony anyway. And at sixty, neither Tony nor I fancy some big, boisterous shindig with everyone chanting Kiss the bride! Well keep it small, just us two, sign the papers and have a quiet meal.
We could just go on as we are, but Tony insists on making it official. Hes a real gentlemanholds the door, offers his hand when I get out of the car, helps me with my coat. He says, Im not some kid, you know. I want something serious. And to me, he does still seem like a boy, even with his silvery hair. His colleagues at work address him so formally, but when he sees me, its as if forty years fall away. Hell sweep me up and whirl me around right on the pavement. I love it, but I do get embarrassedPeople are watching, Tony, theyll laugh! I say. But he just winks, I cant see anyone but you! And when Im with him, it truly feels like its just us in the world.
But theres still my dear sister, Mary, and I had to tell her. I dreaded her disapprovalher support meant the world. Finally, I steeled myself and called her.
Linda! she cried, hardly able to believe it. Its only been a year since you buried Victor, and youve already found someone new! I expected her to be surprised, but I never thought my late husband would be the issue.
I remember, Mary, I interrupted, but who sets the rules? Can you give me a numberhow long must I wait to be happy again before people stop judging?
She fell silent, thinking. Well, you ought to wait at least five years, to be respectable.
So I should tell Tony to come back in five years while I languish in mourning?
She was quiet.
And would that really help? In five years, people will still have their say. But honestly, I couldnt care less about them. What matters is what you think. If you truly cant abide it, Ill call the whole thing off.
Mary sighed, I wont stand in your wayif you want to get married, do. But dont expect me to understand or support it. Youve always been a bit headstrong, Linda, but I never thought youd lose your senses like this. At least have the decency to wait one more year.
But I pressed on. You say wait a year, but what if Tony and I only have a year left in us?
She sniffed, close to tears. Oh, do as you please. I suppose we all want happiness, but you had so many good years behind you
I laughed softly.
Mary, did you really think I was happy all those years? Maybe I did, too. But now I see the truthI was nothing more than a workhorse. I didnt even know life could be enjoyed differently.
Victor was a good man. We raised two daughters, I have five wonderful grandchildren. Victor always taught me that family was everything, and I never disagreed. We worked ourselves into the ground for the girls, later for their families, then for the grandkids. Looking back, my whole life was a non-stop chase to make sure everyone else was comfortable.
When my eldest married, we had a cottage in the country, but Victor wanted morefresh home produce for the grandkids. We rented extra land and took on livestockyet another burden. Up at dawn, done after midnight, every day, all year round. Friends would boast about trips to the seaside with their grandchildren or going to the West End with their husbands. I didnt even have time to pop to the shops.
There were days we had nothing in the bread bin because the animals took all our time. The only comfort was knowing our children were well-fed. The eldest traded in her car for a newer one thanks to our hard work; the youngest finally redecorated her flatat least our efforts paid off.
One day, an old friend visited from the office. She took one look at me and gasped, Linda, is that you? I thought youd be healthy and glowing, relaxing in the fresh airyou look worn out! Why do you do this to yourself?
How else? The kids need our help, I replied.
Theyre adultsthey can manage. Why not do something for yourself instead?
Back then, I didnt know what she meant by living for myself. Now I do. Now I sleep as long as I want, take leisurely walks, go for a swim, catch a film. Nobody is worse off for itmy children dont go without, my grandkids arent starving. More importantly, I see the world with fresh eyes.
Where I used to curse the leaves covering the garden, now I delight in kicking them around in the park like a child. I finally love the rainno longer do I have to dash to herd goats under shelter, I just sit in a cosy café and watch it fall. Only now have I truly noticed how lovely clouds and sunsets are, how satisfying it is to walk through crisp snow. Tony taught me all this.
After Victor passed, I was in a daze. His heart attack was so sudden; he was gone before the ambulance arrived. The kids sold the house, the land, brought me back to the city. For days I wandered aimlessly, waking early out of habit, unsure what to do.
Then Tony entered my life. He was the neighbour down the hall, a friend of my son-in-laws, helping us move. Later, he confessed he had no intentions at firstjust saw a broken woman and wanted to help. He said he recognised a spark in me, just needed to wake it up. He took me out for some air, bought ice cream, and suggested feeding the ducks at the pond. Years of raising ducks on the farm, yet never once did I just watch them! Theyre so funny, tumbling for bits of bread.
I cant believe I can stand still and just watch ducks, I told him. My own ducks, I was always rushing, never really saw them.
Tony smiled, took my hand. You just wait; theres so much more I want to show you. Itll be like being born again.
He was right. Every day to me was brand new, and the more I experienced, the more my old life seemed like a distant, heavy dream. At some point, I realised I needed Tonyhis voice, his laugh, his gentle touch. Waking up one morning, I understood: this was real, this is my life now.
My daughters took it badly at firstthey said I was betraying their dads memory. It hurt deeply; I felt guilty in front of them. Tonys children were delighted, told me they felt happier for him. The only family left to tell was Mary, and I put it off as long as I could.
So, when are you making it official? Mary asked after wed talked a long while.
This Friday.
Well, then, she concluded tartly, wishing you joy and happiness in your golden years, and hung up.
On Friday, Tony and I dressed in our finest, bought a few treats, called a cab, and headed to the registry office. As we stepped out, I stared in shock: there waiting for us were my daughters, their husbands, my grandchildren, Tonys children and their families, and, most amazingly, Mary herself! She held a huge bouquet of white roses and was smiling, tears in her eyes.
Mary! Did you come all this way for me? I said, barely believing it.
I had to see who youre marrying with my own eyes! she laughed.
As it turned out, theyd all sorted it together and booked a table at a nearby café.
The other day, Tony and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. He fits right into the family now. Sometimes, I can hardly believe my luckso much happiness, so late in life, I almost feel superstitious.
Ive learned something precious: its never too late to choose your own happiness and to truly live the life you want, no matter what anyone says.
