There Will Be No Forgiveness – Have you ever thought about finding your mother? The question came so unexpectedly that Vicky flinched. She was just spreading documents from work out on the kitchen table – a wobbly pile she steadied with her hand. Now she froze, slowly let go, and looked up at Alex. Genuine surprise flickered in her eyes: Where had he even got that idea? Why would she ever search for the woman who, with one careless move, had destroyed almost her entire future? – Of course not, – Vicky replied, keeping her voice steady. – What a ridiculous idea. Why would I want to do that? Alex looked a little embarrassed. He ran a hand through his hair, as if gathering his thoughts, then tried a tense smile, clearly regretting his question. – Well, – he began, picking his words. – I often hear that children from care or foster homes dream of finding their biological parents. So I thought… If you ever wanted to, I’d help. Really. Vicky shook her head. A tight feeling clamped her chest, as if someone invisible was squeezing her ribs. She took a deep breath, trying to quell a sudden surge of irritation, and looked at Alex again. – Thanks for the offer, but no, – she said firmly, her voice a little louder. – I wouldn’t seek her out for anything! That woman hasn’t existed for me in years. I’ll never forgive her! Yes, it sounded harsh, but what choice did she have? Otherwise she’d have to revisit so many painful memories and pour her soul out to her fiancé. No. She loved him, really loved him, but some things you just don’t want to share. With anyone. Not even with the closest person. So she turned back to her paperwork, busying herself in silence. Alex frowned, but didn’t argue. He was clearly uncomfortable with Vicky’s biting response. Deep down, he couldn’t grasp her point of view. For him, a mother was nearly sacred – no matter if she’d raised him or not. The very fact that she carried a child for nine months, brought them into the world, placed her almost on a pedestal in his eyes. He truly believed in an unbreakable bond between mother and child, something neither time nor circumstances could destroy. Vicky, on the contrary, rejected that belief outright. To her, it couldn’t be more clear: how could you long for someone who had been so cruel to you? Her so-called “mum” hadn’t just left her in a care home – it was far, far worse… Years ago, as a teenager, Vicky had worked up the courage to ask the question that had haunted her for so long. She went to Mrs Taylor, the head of the children’s home, a strict but fair lady who all the kids respected. – Why am I here? – Vicky asked quietly but firmly. – My mum… did she die? Or did they take me away from her? Something serious must’ve happened, mustn’t it? Mrs Taylor froze, her hand hovering over her pile of papers. She paused, then put the files to one side, weighing her words. Finally she sighed and motioned for Vicky to sit. Nerves knotted inside Vicky as she perched on the chair, fingers clutching the edge. She already sensed the truth about to shatter her understanding of her own past. – She lost her parental rights and was prosecuted, – Mrs Taylor began carefully, her eyes steady but troubled. The truth was bitter, the kind plenty would have softened or left untold, but the head of the home had decided Vicky deserved it all – no matter how hard. She paused, then continued: – You were brought here at four and a half. Someone saw you – a tiny child, alone on the street. Later, we learnt a woman left you sitting on a bench at the station, then leapt onto a train and left you behind. It was autumn – cold, damp – and you only had a thin coat and wellies. After hours outside, you ended up in hospital, very poorly. Vicky sat statue-still, fists clenched, though her face remained impassive. Only her eyes grew darker. – Did they find her? What did she say? – Vicky asked, barely above a whisper. – They did, and she was sentenced, – Mrs Taylor said grimly. – Her explanation? She didn’t have any money and a job had come up – but the employer wouldn’t allow children on the premises, and you were in the way. So she just decided it would be easier – leave you behind and start her life afresh. Vicky’s fists slowly unclenched. She stared ahead, seeing nothing, lost in that autumn morning she couldn’t even remember. – I see… – she finally said, her voice devoid of life. Then she met Mrs Taylor’s gaze. – Thank you for telling me the truth. Right then and there, Vicky decided, once and for all: she would never go searching for her mother. Never. Even the stray half-thought, sparked by curiosity, just to ask “why?” – vanished forever. To leave a child on the street… How could anyone do that? Did the woman who gave her life possess no conscience or compassion? Anything could have happened to a four-year-old left alone… “That’s not the act of a human being, but an animal,” thought Vicky, the sting of betrayal burning inside. She tried, really did try, to find even the weakest excuse – maybe her mother was desperate, maybe there really was no other way, maybe she thought it was best for Vicky… But none of those excuses ever softened the pain or recast the abandonment as anything but cold-blooded cruelty. It was a deliberate, ruthless decision to get rid of her, as if she were an unwanted object. The more Vicky replayed it all, the more unshakable her resolve became. No. She would not look for this woman. Would not seek answers. Would not even try to understand. Nothing could change what had been done – and forgiveness was simply beyond her. And with that, she felt an odd sense of freedom – almost physical release… ******************** – I’ve got a surprise for you! – Alex practically bounced in the hallway, his face alight with excitement, like he’d just won the lottery. – You’re going to love it! Come on! We can’t keep them waiting! Vicky paused in the doorway, lukewarm tea in her hand. What on earth had Alex planned? And why, despite his cheerfulness, did she feel so anxious? A taut thread of worry seemed stretched tight inside her. – Where are we going? – she tried to keep her voice calm. – Just wait! – Alex’s grin widened as he took her hand and towed her to the door. – Trust me. It’s worth it. Vicky let herself be led, her unease growing. All the way to the park she tried to guess – maybe he’d bought concert tickets, or arranged a meeting with someone from her past? Nothing seemed plausible. Entering the park, she saw a woman on a bench near the path. Plain but neat – dark coat, scarf, small handbag on her lap. Something about the face nudged at Vicky’s memory, but she couldn’t place it. Alex’s aunt? A work colleague? Alex strode confidently ahead, Vicky at his side, the puzzle still unsolved, until they stopped beside the woman. She looked up and smiled slightly, and suddenly Vicky knew – the resemblance, older by thirty-odd years, was uncanny. – Vicky, – Alex announced, like he was about to cut a ceremonial ribbon, – after much searching, I found your mum. Aren’t you thrilled? Vicky froze. How dare he? She had made herself perfectly clear – she never wanted to even speak of that woman! – Darling! Look at you, all grown up and beautiful! – the woman rushed at her, arms open for a hug, voice trembling with emotion. But Vicky drew back, instinctively widening the gap. Her face set; her gaze was granite. – It’s me, your mum! – the woman persisted, ignoring or missing Vicky’s icy reception. – I’ve searched for you for so long! I’ve brooded and worried all these years… – It wasn’t easy! – Alex interjected, positively glowing. – I had to call in all sorts of favours, make enquiries… but I did it, and I’m glad! His words were cut short by a sharp slap. Vicky’s hand moved on its own, tears of anger and hurt in her eyes as she glared, dumbfounded, at her fiancé. After everything she’d told him about her past, he still brought this woman here. “Doesn’t matter what she’s done, she’s your mother” – the words echoed and twisted the knife. – What the hell are you doing? – Alex spluttered, holding his cheek. – I did all this for you! I wanted to help, to do something good… Vicky was silent, boiling with pain and betrayal. The one person she’d trusted most had yanked open her worst wounds, all in the name of “good intentions.” She turned away, hand still shaking. The woman hovered uncertainly, wanting to speak, but falling silent at the look on Vicky’s face. – I didn’t ask you to find her, – Vicky said quietly. Her words were calm, though everything inside quivered. – I made it absolutely clear this is not what I want. And you still went ahead! Alex dropped his hand, but found nothing to say. He stood motionless, searching Vicky’s face for the smallest sign she might forgive him, but seeing only bitter resolve. – I told you: I don’t even want to hear about that woman! – Vicky’s voice shook. She stared at Alex, the pain in her eyes raw and old. – That “mother” left me at a railway station at four. Alone! In a thin coat! Do you really think I could ever forgive that? Alex went pale, but stood his ground. – She’s still your mother! That’s all that matters! – he insisted. The other woman took a timid step closer, her voice apologetic, like she wasn’t quite convinced by what she said: – You were always poorly, I never had the money for medicine… This was a chance to work! I’d have come back for you, after I got back on my feet… Vicky turned to her, voice as cold as steel. – Come back from where? The graveyard? – she bit out, refusing to hold back another second. – You could’ve told social services you weren’t coping. You could have left me at the hospital. But not on the bloody street! Not alone, in the cold! Alex, desperate for calm, tried to touch Vicky’s hand, she recoiled. – The past is the past. You need to live for the present, – he pressed on, like trying to convince himself. – You always said you wanted family at your wedding. Your dream’s come true… Vicky fixed him with a look so full of disappointment he stepped back in shock. – I’ve invited Mrs Taylor, the children’s home head, and Mrs Rowe, my carer – they are my true family, – she said quietly but firmly. – They were there for me, they cared for me! They’re the ones I consider real family! She wrenched her hand free, turned, and fled down the path, away from the park and from the man she had loved most. Her heart pounded with a storm of pain and betrayal. She’d never hidden anything from him – she’d told him every brutal truth about her childhood, her years in care, her first hopes her mum might come back. He’d nodded in sympathy. And still, he’d tracked that woman down, brought her here – “She’s your mother, that’s all that matters.” “Never!” Vicky swore inwardly. She’d never accept that woman. Never pretend none of it had happened. She didn’t even go back to Alex’s flat for her things – mercifully little there. Their real move had been due after the wedding; almost everything remained in her council bedsit. All she wanted now was to get far, far away. Her phone buzzed constantly – Alex calling and calling. She stared at the screen, saw his name, but let it ring. She didn’t trust herself not to explode, to say something she’d regret. Best to ride out the first storm of hurt in silence. He kept trying. Voice messages flew in, sharp and angry: – Vicky, you’re behaving like a child! I tried to do the right thing, and you… you’re just being ungrateful! This is a tantrum, pure and simple! Then even harsher: – I’ve made my decision. She’s coming to the wedding. End of. We’ll have family bonds, and our children will call her ‘Grandma.’ That’s normal, that’s right! Standing at the bus stop, listening, Vicky felt her resolve tighten. She turned the phone to silent, placed it in her pocket, and gazed at the sky. Her world had just cracked down the centre, and she had no idea how to patch it. Staring at Alex’s last messages, their ultimatum rang in her ears. “She will be at the wedding. End of.” No way back. She typed, brief and unequivocal: “The wedding’s off. I don’t want to see either of you ever again.” Sent. She watched for the tick, then put the phone down. Immediately the screen lit up – Alex calling. She didn’t move. More messages came, but she didn’t read them. Instead, she opened her contacts, found her ex-fiancé’s number, and blocked him. Now the phone was silent – no calls, no messages, no frantic attempts to “make things right.” Peace, at last, wrapped around her like a warm blanket. Maybe she’d regret it one day. Maybe. But right now, this was her only possible step. Slowly, the storm inside eased, leaving a calm, exhausted clarity. It was the right thing to do. She had no future with someone who could betray her like that… There Will Be No Forgiveness

There Will Be No Forgiveness

Have you ever thought about finding your mum?

The question was so unexpected that Victoria actually flinched. Shed been going through a stack of paperwork on the kitchen tablefiles shed brought home from the office, teetering close to collapse, barely held together by her palm. Now she froze, slowly lowered her hands, and looked up at Alexander. Genuine surprise sparkled in her eyeswhere on earth had that come from? Why would she ever want to track down the woman who, with a careless flick, had ruined almost every part of her childhood?

Of course not, Victoria replied, making an effort to keep her voice steady. What a ridiculous idea! Why would I?

Alexander looked uncomfortable, running a hand through his hair as if searching for the right words, flashing a strained smile that implied he already regretted bringing it up.

Its just… well, he started, hesitating, Ive heard people from care homes and foster families often dream of finding their birth parents. I thought, you know, if you ever want toI’m happy to help. Honestly.

Victoria shook her head. Her chest tightened, as if invisible hands squeezed her ribs together. She drew a long breath, trying to rein in the surge of irritation, and fixed her gaze on Alexander again.

I appreciate the offer, but no, she said firmly, raising her voice just a touch. Ill never look for her! That womans been dead to me for years. I will never, ever forgive her!

Yes, it sounded harshhow could it not? Otherwise, shed have to dredge up a heap of painful memories and lay her heart bare in front of her fiancé. She loved him, truly, but there are some things you simply never want to sharenot with anyone, not even the closest person in your life. So she reached for her papers once more, pretending to busy herself with work.

Alexander frowned, but he didnt push. It was clear her bluntness unsettled him. Deep down, he couldnt quite grasp Victorias view. For him, mothers were almost sacredregardless of whether they’d raised you or not. Just the fact that a woman carried a child for nine months and brought them into the world put her, in his eyes, somewhere on a pedestal. He believed there was a unique, unbreakable tie between mother and child that not even time or circumstance could destroy.

But Victoria didnt just disagreeshe rejected that notion absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt. In her mind it was simple: how could anyone want to meet the person whod been so cruel to them? Her so-called mum hadnt simply put her in careit had been far more brutal and scarring than that.

Back in her teenage years, Victoria had finally screwed up the courage to ask the question that had gnawed at her for years. Shed approached the head of the home, Mrs. Taylora formidable but fair woman respected by every child there.

Why am I here? Victoria asked, quietly but steadily. Did my mum well, did she die? Or did she lose her parental rights? Something serious mustve happened, right?

Mrs. Taylor froze in the middle of sorting through some files, then slowly set them aside. She paused for a long moment, weighing her words, then sighed and gestured for Victoria to sit down.

Victoria perched on the chair, her fingers gripping the seat edge, nerves jangling in her stomach. She suspected this was the moment her whole idea of her past would change forever.

She lost her parental rights and was prosecuted, Mrs. Taylor began, choosing every word with care. Calm, though anxiety shadowed her expressionshe had to tell a twelve-year-old a bleak truth few would have dared say aloud. She could have softened the blow, invented something kindershe didnt. Victoria, shed decided, deserved honesty, no matter how harsh.

She paused, collecting her thoughts.

You came to us when you were just past four. Some kind strangers raised the alarmtheyd spotted a little girl walking alone on the pavement. You were tiny, confused Eventually, it turned out a woman had left you on a bench at the station, then jumped on a train and left. It was autumn, cold and damp, and you only wore a thin coat and a pair of wellies. After several hours exposed to the weather, you ended up in hospital. You were ill for weeks.

Victoria sat utterly still, fists clenched, face immobileonly her eyes grew darker under gathering clouds. Silent, but it was plain she was listening to every word, her whole being being turned upside down.

Did you find her? What did she say when they caught her? Victoria eventually croaked out, knuckles white.

She was found and convicted. And her excuse… Mrs. Taylor paused, giving a bitter little smile. She said she had no money, then a job came up. Her employer wouldnt allow kids on the propertyyou were in the way. She figured the simplest option was to leave you and start fresh, unhindered.

Victorias fists uncurled and dropped to her lap. She stared blankly, lost in the memory of an autumn morning she didnt even recall.

I see, she finally managed, voice flat and drained. Then she looked up at Mrs. Taylor and added, Thank you for telling me the truth.

In that instant, Victorias mind was made up: she would never search for her birth mother, not ever. The thought that occasionally flickered at the edges of her mindone day, maybe, out of curiosity, just to look her in the eye and ask why?now vanished for good.

Abandoning a child on the streethow did anyone do such a thing? Did the woman whod given her life really possess no conscience, no compassion at all? Anything could have happened to a little girl alone in the cold.

Its not human, it’s monstrous! Victoria kept repeating to herself, a hot bitterness twisting inside. She tried, honestly tried, to find some sort of excuse. Maybe her mother was desperate? Truly had no other choice? Maybe she even believed Victoria would be safer that way?

But each justification was battered down by ice-cold facts. Why not formally relinquish parental rights? Why not take her to the care home outright, somewhere at least shed be safe? Why leave a preschooler alone on a chill autumn street?

Victoria sorted through all the possible explanations, but none fitted. None eased her pain or turned betrayal into a desperate act. All that remained was the chilling sense of a deliberate, calculated decision to discard a child as though tossing out rubbish.

With every pass of these thoughts, her resolve grew more granite-hard. Never would she seek this woman. Never ask, never try to understandbecause no understanding could change what happened. And forgiveness was simply beyond her power.

Strangely, with that, came a sense of release, almost physicala weight lifted from her chest.

********************

Ive got a surprise for you! Alexander stood glowing in the hallway, fizzing with excitement like a boy on Christmas morning. He shifted from foot to foot, impatient to reveal his secret. Youre going to love it! Come on, quickly! Dont keep someone waiting!

Victoria paused in the doorway, cradling a cup of cold tea. She looked at Alexander in confusion and set the mug down gingerly, unsettled. What sort of surprise was this? And why, despite his beaming face, did a sense of dread gnaw at her? Inside, a taut wire seemed ready to snap.

Where are we going? she asked, aiming for calm.

Youll see soon! Alexander grinned wider, grabbed her hand, and led her out. Trust me, its worth it!

Victoria didnt resist, but an unexplainable anxiety pricked at her all the way. She slid into her coat, slipped on her shoes, and followed him outside. As they walked through the park, she puzzled over the surprise. Tickets to a concert? Arranging a reunion with some old uni mates? Nothing seemed to quite fit.

As soon as they entered the park, Victorias attention landed on a woman sitting alone on a bench near the main path. She was plainly but tidily dresseddark coat, scarf around her neck, a smart little handbag resting on her knees. There was something vaguely familiar about her face, but Victoria couldnt place it. Perhaps one of Alexanders relatives? A colleague he wanted to introduce?

Confidently, Alexander strode over to the bench, Victoria trailing after him, the pieces finally slotting together. When they approached, the woman lifted her head and smiled thinly. And in that instant, something inside Victoria wrenchedshe saw, at last, where shed seen that face before. In the mirror, minus thirty or forty years.

Victoria, Alexander announced with grand pride, as if introducing a guest of honour, after all my searching, Ive found your mother. Arent you happy?

Victoria stood rooted, the whole world pausing for a beat. How could he? She had made herself perfectly clearshe never wanted this woman anywhere near her!

Darling! Look at you, all grown up! the woman cried, rushing forward, reaching for a hug, voice trembling, eyes bright with hope. She seemed genuinely delighted.

But Victoria stepped sharply back, as though dodging something dangerous. Coldness settled over her face, her stare flinty.

Its me, your mum! the woman persisted, ignoring the rejection. Ive been searching for you, thinking of you all the time…

It took some doing! Alexander chipped in with proud satisfaction, positively beaming. I had to call in favours, ring round all sorts of agencies, dig for contact details But we managed it!

He was interrupted, suddenly, by a cracka sharp slap. Victorias hand had flown up without hesitation; tears filled her eyes, brimming with anger and raw pain. She stared at her fiancé, and the question in her gaze was clear: how could you? Shed told him countless timesthe past was closed, done, she never wanted to talk about her mother again!

What is wrong with you? Alexander gasped, clutching his cheek, clearly shocked. I did this for you! I was just trying to help, do something kind

Victoria said nothing. Her whole being seethed with outrage and betrayal. Alexanderthe person shed trusted mosthad yanked away the solid ground beneath her, ignored her one sacred rule: never reopen that old wound. The secrets shed hidden so deeply were now paraded before strangers, all thanks to his good intentions.

The woman darted hopeless glances between Victoria and Alexander, at a complete loss. She opened her mouth, faltered, seeing the look on her daughters face.

I never asked you to find her, Victoria finally said, voice quiet but unwavering, though inside she trembled. I told youplainlyI didnt want this! And you did it anyway!

Alexander lowered his hand from his face, unable to find an answer. He looked at Victoria, desperate for any sign she might soften. Instead, her resolve grew colder and harder.

I said I dont even want to hear about her! Victoria was shaking, her words edged with years of pain. She turned to Alexander, grief cut through every syllable. That mother left me at a railway station. Alone. At four years old. Among strangers and goodness knows what! In a flimsy coat! And you expect me to forgive that?

Alexander turned pale but wouldnt let it go. He straightened, forcing certainty into his words.

Shes your mother! No matter what, shes still your mum!

At that moment, the woman on the bench took a tentative step forward. Her voice was low, almost apologetic, as if she was reaching for excuses she barely believed herself.

You were always poorly, I couldnt afford the medicine… she began haltingly. But that job was a real chance! Id definitely have come back for you, you know? Things would have improved, wed have been together again

Victoria faced her directly. There was no mercy, only frost and many years worth of bitter truth.

Come back from where? From the cemetery? Her words rang out harshly but she couldnt stay silent any longer. You could have got in touch with social services and asked for temporary help! Left me at hospital if I was always ill, but not dumped on the street! Not in the cold, not alone, not defenceless!

Alexander, scrambling to soothe the disaster, tried to take Victorias hand, his fingers gently circling her wrist. She recoiled instantly, not even looking at him.

The past is pastyou need to look to the future, he pressed, sounding desperate to convince even himself. Remember, you always wanted family at our wedding! Now you can have yours

At last, Victoria looked at himher disappointment was palpable enough to make him stagger back.

Ive already invited Mrs. Taylor, the homes director, and Miss Robinson, my carerthey were real mothers to me. They were there when I had no one. Its them I count as family!

With that, Victoria yanked her hand free, spun on her heel, and strode away from the park without so much as a backward glance. The path and flowerbeds sped by beneath her feet, carrying her far from that conversation, far from those faces she never wanted to see together. Her chest raged with a storm so fierce it hurt to breathe. She had never expected betrayal from Alexander.

Shed hidden nothing from himhad told him everything about her childhood, with all its harsh edges and raw facts. The endless months in care, those first days when she had clung to the hope her mum would return. Alexander had listened, nodded, claimed to understand. And all the same, hed tracked down that woman and brought her here. No matter what, shes still your mumechoed in her mind, each repetition bringing a fresh wave of bitterness.

Never! she decided, her heart turning to granite. She would never allow that woman into her life, never pretend like nothing bad happened.

She didnt slow as she exited the park and wandered blindly through the city streets. Her thoughts churned; her mothers older, anxious face swam before her eyes. Victoria balled her fists and forced the image away. All she wanted now was to be far, far from all of it.

She didnt even return to Alexanders flat to collect her things. Thankfully, shed brought only a couple of bags and some personal bitsmost of her things remained in her council flat, as theyd planned the full move after the wedding. That eased things; all that mattered was not to go back now, when every memory of Alexander cut like a fresh wound.

Her phone vibrated over and over with callsAlexander again and again. Victoria glanced at the screen, saw his name, but didnt answer. She was afraid if she picked up, shed lose control and spill out words she would regret. It was better to wait, let the first tidal wave of fury subside.

Alexander was persistent. On top of the calls, he sent a bunch of voice notes. His voice, sharp and angry, reached her ears:

Victoria, youre acting like a child! I tried to do the right thing and you… youre just being ungrateful! Its a tantrum, thats what it is!

The next message was even harsher:

Ive made up my mind. Linda will be at the wedding. Full stop. Im not changing my plans for your moods. Were going to be a proper family, and our children will call her Granlike families do!

Listening to this at the bus stop, Victoria felt something knot inside. She switched the phone off, shoved it in her pocket and stared up at the grey English sky. Her world had cracked down the middle and she couldnt see how it could ever be made whole again.

She stared at Alexanders final messages for a long time. His voice echoed in her head: hard, immovable, leaving no room for discussion. Linda will be at the wedding. Full stop. The words seemed carved into her memory.

She opened her messages app and typed out a short note. She read and reread the words, making sure there was no confusion: The wedding is off. I dont want to see youor that womanagain.

She pressed send. Watched the tick appear to show it had gone. Then she put the phone down.

Immediately, the screen glowed with his latest call. Victoria didnt move. More messages appeared, but she didnt read them. Calmly, she found his number and blocked it.

And then silenceno calls, no notifications, no more insistent demands for her attention. The quiet wrapped around her like a blanket, bringing a rare peace.

Maybe one day shed regret it. Maybe… But right now, this was the only right thing to do. The storm inside her eased at last, giving way to the simple, quiet certainty:

This was the only way. There was no future with someone who could do something like that.