My Mother-in-Law Offered to Help with Childcare During the Summer Holidays Since She’s Retired — But Now We’re Covering the Costs for Everyone’s Kids, and My Husband Won’t Talk to His Brother About It; How Can I Discuss This Without Causing a Family Row?

Author Mitsuko NagasakiReading 3 minViews 1

My mother-in-law offered to help us with childcare over the summer. Shes retired now and has plenty of free time, so we agreed.

Both of us work and weve got three children, but we cant really take proper holidays. Usually, we just take days off one after the other when one of the kids is unwell or theres something important going on at school. Occasionally, we might manage a weekend away if nothing is happening at home, but thats pretty much the extent of it.

For the past three years, weve had a twenty-year mortgage. We got tired of moving from one rented place to another, so we decided it was best to finally settle into a house of our own, even though it means a higher monthly payment. Despite working all summer, theres simply not enough left over each month after the mortgage goes out for a holiday. Besides, with the children off school, theres no one else to look after them during the day. At least we can be sure that during those warmer months, the kids are safe and cared for at home, where they belong.

My mother-in-law offered to help with the children during the summer because shes now retired and has a lot of spare time, so we accepted. When summer comes round and we take the kids over to my wifes mums house, we always bring over a food shop and give her some money for treats for the children. She never spends her own money on the kids; she always says her pension isnt much to go around. Usually, we give her cash in person, so it turns out cheaper than hiring a nanny. Everyone seems satisfied with the arrangement.

My wifes brother, whos also got three kids, decided to send his children to stay with Grandma for the summer too. His were quite a handful, younger than ours, and needed constant attention. Unfortunately, he didnt bring any groceries or money for themso we ended up having to feed them as well, out of our own pocket.

Its normal to feel this way. Ive asked my wife several times to talk to her brother about it, but she never doesshe doesnt want to start an argument. Why should I work so hard just so someone elses children can be looked after at my expense? Whats the best way to raise this without causing a row?

— In Our Family, Four Generations of Men Worked on the Railways! And What Did You Bring? — “A Little Girl, Galina,” Anna Whispered, Stroking Her Bump. — “We’ll Call Her Galina.” — “Another Girl? Is This a Joke?” snapped Mrs. Osborne, Tossing the Scan Results on the Table. — “A Family of Railwaymen for Four Generations—And You Bring Us That?” — “Galina,” Anna Repeated Quietly. — “We’re Naming Her Galina.” — “Well, at Least the Name Is Sensible. But What Good Will She Be? Who Will Ever Want Your Galina?” Max Stayed Silent, Glued to His Phone. When His Wife Asked His Opinion, He Just Shrugged: — “It Is What It Is. Maybe Next Time We’ll Have a Boy.” Anna Felt Something Clench Inside. “Next Time? Is This Baby Just a Rehearsal?” Galina Was Born in January—Tiny, Wide-Eyed, with a Shock of Dark Hair. Max Showed Up Just for the Discharge, Bringing Carnations and a Bag of Baby Clothes. — “She’s Beautiful,” He Said Cautiously, Leaning Over the Pram. — “Looks Like You.” — “But She’s Got Your Nose,” Anna Smiled. — “And Your Stubborn Chin.” — “Oh, They All Look Alike at That Age,” Max Shrugged. Mrs. Osborne Met Them at Home, Face Sour. — “Neighbour Val asked if it was a grandson or granddaughter. Embarrassing to answer—Me, playing with dolls at my age…” Anna Locked Herself in the Nursery and Cried, Hugging Her Daughter. Max Worked Longer Hours, Picking Up Overtime on Other Shifts. “Family’s Expensive, Especially With a Kid,” He’d Say. He Came Home Late, Tired, and Barely Spoke. — “She Waits for You,” Anna Told Him When He Walked Past the Nursery, Not Even Looking In. — “Galina Brightens Up Whenever She Hears Your Footsteps.” — “I’m Tired, Anna. Early Start Tomorrow.” — “But You Haven’t Even Said Hello…” — “She’s Too Young. She Won’t Understand.” But Galina Did. Anna Saw How Her Daughter Turned Her Head Toward the Door When She Heard Dad’s Steps, and Stared Long After They’d Gone. At Eight Months, Galina Fell Ill. The Fever Shot Up to Thirty-Nine, Then Forty. Anna Woke Max: — “Get Up—Galina’s Really Unwell!” — “What Time Is It?” He Grumbled. — “Just After Seven. I Haven’t Slept a Wink. We Need the Hospital!” — “So Early? Maybe Wait ‘til Evening? Important Shift Today…” Anna Looked at Him Like He Was a Stranger. — “Your Daughter’s Burning Up and You’re Worried About Work?” — “She’s Not Dying! Kids Get Sick.” Anna Ordered a Taxi Herself. At the Hospital, Doctors Put Galina in Infectious Diseases, Suspecting Serious Inflammation—She Needed a Spinal Tap. — “Where’s the Father?” the Consultant Asked. — “Both Parents Need to Consent.” — “He’s… at Work. He’ll Be Here Soon.” Anna Rang Max All Day. No Signal. He Finally Answered Near 7pm. — “I’m at the Depot, Busy…” — “Max, Galina’s Got Suspected Meningitis! They Need Your Consent—NOW!” — “What, a Spinal Tap? I Don’t Get…” — “Come Here—Please!” — “Can’t—Shift Ends at Eleven. And Then I’m Out With the Lads…” Anna Hung Up. She Signed the Consent Alone—as the Mother, She Was Entitled. The Tap Was Done Under General Anaesthetic. Galina Looked So Small on That Big Trolley. — “Results Tomorrow,” Said the Doctor. — “If It’s Meningitis, Treatment’ll Be Long. Six Weeks in Hospital.” Anna Slept the Night There. Galina Lay Pale Under a Drip, Her Chest Rising Weakly. Max Appeared at Lunch Next Day—Unshaven, Rumpled. — “So… How Is She?” He Asked, Hovering in the Doorway. — “Not Good,” Anna Replied Briefly. “We’re Waiting for Results.” — “What Did They… Do?” — “A Lumbar Puncture. Took Fluid From Her Back.” Max Blanched. — “Did It Hurt?” — “She Was Asleep. Didn’t Feel a Thing.” He Stood Silent By the Cot. Galina Slept, Tiny Hand Wrapped With Tape for Her Cannula. — “She’s… So Small,” Max Whispered. “I Didn’t Think…” Anna Didn’t Reply. Good News—No Meningitis. Just a Nasty Virus, Treatable at Home. — “You Got Lucky,” Said the Doctor. “Another Day or Two—It Would Have Been Worse.” On the Way Home, Max Was Quiet. Just Before They Arrived, He Asked Softly: — “Am I Really a Bad Father?” Anna Shifted Her Sleeping Daughter and Looked at Him. — “What Do You Think?” — “I Thought There Was Plenty of Time. She Was So Little, Didn’t Know Anything. But When I Saw Her There, With Tubes… I Realised I Could Lose Her. And That I Have So Much to Lose.” — “Max, She Needs a Father,” Anna Said. “Not Just a Breadwinner. A Dad Who Knows Her Name and Her Favourite Toys.” — “What Are They?” He Whispered. — “Her Rubber Hedgehog and Rattle With Bells. She Always Crawls To The Door When She Hears You. She Waits For You To Pick Her Up.” Max Lowered His Head. — “I Didn’t Know…” — “You Do Now.” At Home, Galina Woke and Cried—Thin and Sad. Max Reached for Her, Then Hesitated. — “May I?” — “She’s Your Daughter.” He Picked Her Up Gently. The Little Girl Quietened, Gaze Locked On His Face. — “Hello, Darling,” Max Whispered. “Sorry I Wasn’t There When You Needed Me.” Galina Reached Out and Touched His Cheek. Max Felt His Throat Tighten. — “Daddy,” Galina Said Suddenly—Her First Word. Max Looked at Anna, Eyes Wide. — “She… She Said…” — “She’s Been Saying It a Week,” Anna Smiled. “Just—Only When You’re Not Home. Maybe She Was Waiting for the Right Moment.” That Night, Galina Slept In Dad’s Arms. Max Carried Her To Bed, Hesitating To Loosen Her Grip on His Finger. — “She Doesn’t Want To Let Go,” Max Murmured. — “She’s Afraid You’ll Disappear Again,” Anna Explained. He Sat By Her Cot Half an Hour, Not Daring to Move. — “Tomorrow I’ll Take The Day Off,” He Told Anna. “And The Day After, Too. I Want… I Want To Get To Know My Daughter.” — “What About Work? The Extra Shifts?” — “We’ll Manage. Or Live More Simply. The Most Important Thing Is Not To Miss Her Growing Up.” Anna Hugged Him. — “Better Late Than Never.” — “I’d Never Forgive Myself If Something Happened—And I Didn’t Even Know Her Favourite Toys…” Max Whispered, Watching Galina Sleep. “Or That She Could Already Say ‘Daddy’.” A Week Later, When Galina Was Well Again, The Three Of Them Went For A Walk In The Park. Galina Rode Her Father’s Shoulders, Laughing and Grabbing Autumn Leaves. — “Look, Galina! Isn’t That Beautiful?” Max Showed Her The Golden Maples. “And There’s a Squirrel!” Anna Walked Beside Them, Wondering How Sometimes It Takes Nearly Losing What You Love To Realise How Much It Means. Mrs. Osborne Met Them at Home, Still Grumbling. — “Max, Val’s Grandson’s Already Playing Football. And Yours—Just Plays with Dolls.” — “My Daughter’s the Best in the World,” Max Replied, Calmly Sitting Galina Down and Handing Her the Rubber Hedgehog. “And Dolls Are Marvellous.” — “But The Family Line Will End…” — “No, It Won’t. It’ll Continue. Just Differently.” Mrs. Osborne Was About To Argue, But Galina Crawled Over and Reached Up To Her. — “Gran!” Said Galina, Smiling Wide. The Mother-in-Law, Flustered, Took Her Granddaughter In Her Arms. — “She… She Can Talk!” — “Our Galina’s Very Clever,” Max Said Proudly. “Aren’t You, Love?” — “Daddy!” Galina Clapped Her Hands, Beaming. Anna Watched and Thought How Sometimes Happiness Only Comes After a Test—And That the Deepest Love Isn’t Instant, But Ripens Slowly, Through Fear and Pain. That Evening, As Max Sang His Daughter a Lullaby—Voice Rough, Quiet—Galina Listened, Eyes Wide and Bright. — “You’ve Never Sung to Her Before,” Anna Noted. — “There’s a Lot I Never Did,” Max Replied. “But Now I’ve Got Time to Make It Up.” Galina Fell Asleep, Still Clutching Her Father’s Finger. And Max Didn’t Pull Away—Sitting In The Dark, Listening To Her Breathing, Remembering How Much You Can Miss If You Don’t Stop To Notice What Really Matters. And As Galina Slept, She Smiled—Because Now She Knew For Certain: Her Daddy Wasn’t Going Anywhere. This Story Was Sent In By One Of Our Readers. Sometimes, Fate Needs Not Just a Choice, but a Great Trial, to Awaken the Brightest Feelings in a Person. Do You Believe People Can Truly Change When They Realise They’re About To Lose What Matters Most?