On Wednesday, over breakfast, Paul asked me for my bank card. His tone was just right concerned, but not desperate.
Kate, theres an urgent business expense. Theyve blocked my card, just for two days, could you help me out?
I wiped my hands on my apron, fetched my card from my purse, and handed it to him. He took it with quick fingers, almost as if I might change my mind, and kissed the top of my head.
Thank you, love, always my lifesaver.
Twenty years of marriage had taught me not to ask unnecessary questions. I trusted him. Or, at least, I pretended to.
On Friday evening, as I was ironing the bedding, I overheard Paul on the phone in the next room. The door was ajar, and his voice was light, cheerful nothing like the way he spoke to me.
Mum, dont worry. Ive got everything sorted. The restaurants booked, table for six, lovely menu cocktails, sparkling wine, all your favourites. No, she doesnt know a thing. Why tell her? I said wed celebrate quietly at home, just the family.
The iron went still in my hand.
My clueless wife wont suspect a thing. Simple country girl, you remember, Mum shes from a tiny village. Twenty years in London and still a village mouse. Yes, Im paying with her card, obviously. Mines blocked, but itll be a real do at The Crowned Swan! She wouldnt set foot in a place like that, dont worry. Shell stay home, watching the telly.
I turned off the iron, walked to the kitchen, poured myself a glass of water and drank it in one go. My hands didnt tremble. Inside, it felt as if someone had scooped out everything that made me alive, leaving a cold emptiness.
Clueless wife… Country girl… Her card…
I put the glass down by the sink and looked out at the darkening evening beyond the window. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps I was that trusting and plain, as timid as a mouse. Only, even mice, when cornered, know how to bite.
The next morning, Saturday, I rang the bank and blocked my card. I explained Id lost it and was worried someone might try to use it.
From there, I went across to the south end of town, back to the area where Id grown up.
Michael opened the door in his slippers, eyebrows arching in surprise.
Kate? My word, its been years! Come in, dont just stand there.
We sat in his small kitchen, drinking tea. I told him everything, briefly, not one word more than needed. He listened quietly, without interrupting.
I see, he nodded, Listen, Kate, you saved my family years ago, remember? When my dad was out of work and you brought over potatoes, said they were spare. But we all knew you gave us your last. Now its my turn. The dinners Monday evening, yeah?
The banquet starts at nine. Ill call you once theyve ordered and are ready to pay. Ill square things with the waiter.
On Monday night, I put on my deep red dress, the one Id sewn three years ago but never had reason to wear. I did my hair, put on makeup, and looked in the mirror. Not a mouse…
The phone rang at half past ten. Michael.
Come down, Kate. Theyve just asked for the bill. Pauls about to pay with your card.
The taxi got me to The Crowned Swan in twenty minutes. Lights glittered in stained glass, gold everywhere. Michael met me in the lobby, nodded towards the dining room.
Third table from the window.
The place was full of laughter and clinking glasses. I walked, slow and steady, among the tables, and there they were.
Paul at the head of the table, beside his mother Doris in her brown suit, his sister Mary with her husband. The table littered with empty plates, glasses, the last scrapings of dessert.
A waiter approached with the bill. Without glancing at the figure, Paul whipped my card from his pocket and set it down with the certainty of a man spending his own money.
Fantastic service, he boomed across the table. See, Mum? I told you Id throw you a proper do. Not just a sad little family meal, but a real occasion.
Doris nodded with pride, tucking a stray curl behind her ear.
My clever boy. Now this is what I call going all out. Not like some, who do nothing but sew away and hide in corners.
Mary giggled. Paul grinned, clearly pleased with himself.
Well, Mum, you know me. Only the best for you. Glad I have the means.
The waiter took the card and went to the payment terminal. Once, twice he frowned at the screen. Returned.
Sorry, sir, it wont go through. The cards been blocked.
Paul paled.
Hows it blocked? Please, try again.
Ive tried three times. Its invalid.
I stepped up to the table. Doris spotted me first, her face lengthening in shock.
Kate? Paul stammered, leaping up, What… what are you doing here?
I looked at him, calm.
Ive come to the party. The one you organised on my behalf. Without me.
The silence around the table was so complete I could hear the delicate clinking from the next table over.
Kate, listen, this is all a misunderstanding, Paul began, reaching out, but I withdrew.
No, Paul, it isnt. This is a lie. I heard every word you said to your mother on Friday. Every word.
About the country girl, about how Id never suspect, about me sat home watching telly while you all feasted here.
Mary stared down at her plate. Doris gripped her napkin as if it might save her.
So you were eavesdropping? Paul accused, flushed with anger. Spying on me?
I was ironing the bedding while you boasted loud enough for all of North London to hear, telling your mum how youd pulled the wool over my eyes. That isnt eavesdropping, Paul. Thats you not even bothering to hide. Thought the mouse wouldnt bite, did you?
Paul tried to gather himself.
Fine, alright, I admit it. But lets not do this here, for everyones sake. Lets go home and talk quietly.
No, well talk here. I blocked the card on Saturday. Reported it stolen, because youd taken it under false pretences to spend on things I was never told about. So now, dear husband, youll have to settle the bill yourself. In cash.
Michael stepped up, arms folded.
If youre having trouble paying, he said evenly, Ill have to call the police. The bill waits for no one.
Pauls complexion turned from white to scarlet.
Kate, do you realise what youre doing? Youre humiliating me!
Me? I gave a grim smile. You brought this on yourself, Paul. The moment you decided your wife from the sticks didnt even deserve honesty.
Doris shot to her feet, finger jabbing at me.
How dare you speak to him that way?! Youre nothing! Worthless! Youd be no one without him!
I looked her in the eye for a long moment, then said softly,
Maybe. But now, Im someone who doesnt have to pretend. And thats far better than being someones naïve little wife.
For the next twenty minutes, they scrambled for cash. Paul emptied his wallet, Doris her handbag, Mary and her husband scouring their pockets for every last pound. Whispering, counting, gathering coins. The waiter stood by, stony-faced. Other diners glanced our way, intrigued.
I stood and watched it all unravel the showy displays, all the pretense, every last lie.
When they finally scraped together enough, I pulled an envelope from my handbag and set it in front of Paul.
Divorce papers. Read them at home.
I turned and walked away, back tall, steps strong. Michael held the door for me and whispered,
Hold your head high, Kate.
The night greeted me with a sharp wind, and inside me welled something warm and light: freedom.
The divorce came through three months later. Paul rang, apologised, but I ignored him. I got half the proceeds from the flat.
A year on, he called again.
Kate, I was a fool. Mum lives with me now and nags me all hours, Ive lost my job. Can we go back to how it was?
No, Paul.
I hung up, never thought of him again.
Sometimes I remember that night in the restaurant. Walking through the room, looking into Pauls eyes, laying the envelope on the table. I realise that wasnt the end. It was the beginning.
Not long ago, I ran into Mary at the supermarket. She turned away. I didnt call after her. Why would I? We live in different worlds now.
Yesterday, Michael came by.
So, Kate, any regrets?
I looked out the window. Spring, sunlight, all of life waiting.
Not for a second, Mike.
He nodded.
Right.
Regrets for the things you never did, not the things you did.












