My Husband Works, But I Pay for Everything You ask how I ended up at this point in my life and how I agreed to such an arrangement, but my answer is that all women who love are blind. I was blind. All my life I tried, I learned. My mother told me from childhood that if I wanted a good life, I had to work hard. She also said a woman should be strong and independent so she could always support herself if needed. Apparently that last piece of advice played a cruel trick on me. When I dated men, I was too independent, and few wanted to date me. Back then, most men wanted a delicate woman they could protect, to show their strength and masculinity. I looked after myself. Then I focused only on work. I was single until I was 35, when I met David. He’s the same age as me. I was surprised that he accepted my independence. He never insisted on doing things or helping if I said I’d do it myself. He never brought flowers or whispered sweet nothings, which I couldn’t stand. With him, I was an equal partner. I should have known how much this so-called equality would cost me, because in reality it wasn’t equal at all. We got married and he moved in with me. David didn’t have his own place—he had lived with his mum. And I didn’t want to live with a mother-in-law. I’d heard enough stories to know I wouldn’t like it. For the first month, David didn’t give me any money from his salary, claiming he needed to pay off a small loan for his mother’s operation. I said nothing and tried to be understanding. We’re family—let him pay off the debt, then we’ll manage things together. But for seven months he still hadn’t paid it off. He kept saying he wasn’t paid enough, his hours had been cut, or something else. The whole time, I paid for food, entertainment, and bills. Later he told me he was saving to buy us a cottage in the countryside—or for holidays. Yet for five years, he never showed me a bank statement. We’re family. Eventually, I confronted him. How is it possible I’d supported him for five years? That’s not normal. He packed up and left for his mum’s. Just like that. Three days later, unable to bear it, I brought him home again. And the same story started up. He won’t give me a penny for anything. And now I’m so tired. I want to spend money on women’s treats, but I just can’t—I spend everything on the family. What should I do? Get a divorce? Will he ever change?

My husband has a job, but I pay for absolutely everything.

You ask how I ended up in this situation, agreeing to such an arrangement, but my answer is that all women who love are blind. I was blind. All my life, I tried, I learned. Since I was little, my mum always told me that if I wanted a good life, I had to work hard. She also said that a woman should be strong and independent, so she could always provide for herself if it became necessary.

Apparently, that last bit of advice played a cruel trick on me. When I dated men, I acted too independent and not many wanted to go out with me. Back then, most men preferred women who were gentle, someone they could look after, someone who would allow them to show their strength and masculinity. But I always took care of myself.

Eventually, work became my whole focus. I was single until I turned 35, and thats when I met Daniel. Hes the same age as me. I was surprised when he accepted my independence so easily. I mean, he never pushed to do things for me or offer help whenever I said I could manage on my own. He never brought me flowers or whispered sweet but meaningless wordsthose things I actually couldn’t stand. With him, I felt like an equal partner. I should have realised what this so-called equality would cost me, especially when, really, it wasnt even equal at all.

We got married, and Daniel moved into my flat. He didnt have a place of his own; hed lived with his mother. And I definitely didnt want to live with a mother-in-lawId heard plenty of stories, and not many sounded appealing. The first month, Daniel didnt give me any money from his wages, saying that he needed to pay off a small loan hed taken out for his mums operation.

I didnt say anything. I tried to be understanding. Were a family, after alllet him pay off his debt, and then well sort everything else out together. But after seven months, the loan still wasnt paid off. He kept repeating that his job paid too little, his hours had been cut, or some other excuse. Meanwhile, I covered all the groceries, entertainment, billseverything. Later, he started telling me he was saving so we could buy ourselves a house in the countryside. Maybe for holidays.

But in five years, Ive never once seen a statement from his bank account. Were family, right? Eventually, I confronted him. How is it possible that Ive been supporting him for five years? This isnt normal. He packed his bags and went back to his mums. Just like that. Three days later, unable to stand it any longer, I brought him back. And again, the same routine. He refuses to give me a penny towards anything. And Im just so tired. Id love to spend some money on typical womens luxuries, but theres just nothing spareeverything goes to the family. What should I do? Get a divorce? Will he ever change?