Luke, just sit with Jack for a couple of hours, Emily says, fixing a sour look at her husband. I need to see a doctor.
I cant, Luke snaps, springing up from the sofa. Im meeting the lads. Ive got a night out soon.
Luke, Im serious. My headaches wont quit and my back feels off. After the birth so many things have gone wrong
Emily, do you want me to repeat that? Luke glares, irritated. I cant. Move it to another day. Ive already arranged things.
Luke is already tugging on his jacket, checking his pockets.
I cant move it. The appointment was booked three weeks ago.
Fine, then youll wait another three weeks, he shrugs as if its nothing. Nothing terrible will happen to you.
The door slams. A soft whimper comes from the nurseryJack has woken up again. Emily sighs wearily and pulls out her phone, dialing the health centre while the ringtone bops with a cheery tune that replaces the oldfashioned beeps. Finally, she gets through.
Hello, I need to cancel todays appointment
She collapses onto the couch. Postnatal health feels like a lottery. One minute her back is so stiff she cant straighten, the next her head feels like a hammer is pounding inside. Doctors wave their hands, saying she needs tests, but tests take time. And someone has to look after the baby.
Luke doesnt care. The past two years feel like theyve been swapped out for someone elses script.
During the pregnancy Luke actually carries Emilyliterally. He hauls heavy bags, cooks, even gives foot massages before bed. He tells her shes the most beautiful woman and that hes endlessly happy. Emily believes every word, thinking shes hit the jackpot with him.
Then Jack is born and everything shatters. The endless crying, the countless nappy changes, sleepless nights strip away any mask Luke might have worn. He shouts at Emily when she cant tidy the flat fast enough, yells at Jack when the baby wails in the night, throws things, slams doors, disappears to his friends and returns after midnight.
You look at yourself! he roars, pointing a finger at her. Do you even look in the mirror? Wheres my gorgeous wife? Youve turned into a beast!
Emily watches the dark circles under his eyes, the dishevelled hair, the stained old tshirt from baby food, the extra pounds that wont budge despite eating barely twice a day. But when does she find a moment for herself? Jack is feverish, teething, his tummy hurting.
You only think about the child, hes your world, Luke mutters, tightening his boots. Do you even need me?
She stays silent, not knowing what to answer. Yes, Emily thinks about Jack. How could she not? Hes her son.
Emily is exhausted, reaching a point where she just wants to lie down and not get up. She feels trapped within four walls with a screaming baby and a husband who sees himself as the chief victim of the family.
Theres no job prospect either. The firm she used to work for has shut downits owner fled with debts, the office has been locked, the staff let go. Emilys on maternity leave, so the closure doesnt hit her directly, but Jack will be three soon and she knows shell need a new job. A threeyear gap on a résumé and a toddler dont make any employer happy.
Still, she dreams of it. She dreams of taking Jack to nursery, stepping out of the house, hopping on the Tube, riding to an office, talking to real people instead of a baby who only cares about cartoons. She wants to remember who she was before marriage and motherhood.
For Jacks third birthday, Emily throws a small party herself. The boy darts around the flat in a brandnew onesie, beaming and rosycheeked. Luke is nowhere to be seen.
Emily, wheres Luke? asks Margaret, Lukes mother, looking around as if expecting her son to emerge from behind a curtain.
I dont know, Emily replies, forcing a smile. Hes probably running late.
How can he be late? Its his sons birthday! grumbles James, Lukes father.
Emily just shrugs. Shes called Luke ten times, texted, but he never answers.
The guests exchange nervous glances but say nothing. Emilys mother, Helen, squeezes her hand under the tablea quiet support that changes nothing.
The celebration passes tensely. Jack is happy; the adults pretend everythings fine. Emily slices the cake, pours tea, smiles at the guests, while inside something cracks slowly, splitting into pieces that cant be put back together.
Later, as the night draws in, the guests leave. Jack collapses into sleep before anyone can change his diaper. Emily tucks him into his cot, adjusts his blanket, and returns to the living room where chaos reignsdirty dishes, ripped packaging, deflated balloons.
She starts cleaning mechanically, without thinking. She gathers plates, stacks them in the sink, wipes the table.
The sound of keys in the lock makes her freeze. She glances at the clockmidnight. She peers down the hallway.
Luke stands in the doorway, swaying. His eyes are red, his shirt rumpled, and he wears cheap, cloying perfume. A bright red lipstick streak marks his cheek. He sees Emily and freezes.
Emily, its not what you think, his voice cracks hoarsely. I had a whisky hit me in the head. I was drunk one time it wont happen again, I swear!
Emily exhales slowly. Inside she feels a chill, as if ice has poured over her heart.
Where have you been? she whispers.
I was out with the lads. We went into a pub, there were girls, and one
On my sons birthday, Emily cuts in. You were with some girl when Jack turned three!
Emily, Im sorry! Luke steps forward. I didnt mean to it just happened!
Just happened? Emilys voice trembles. Youre a traitor, a liar. I trusted you completely. We have a family, a child! I never thought youd stoop so low!
Youre the one at fault! Luke erupts. Look at yourself! There are beautiful women everywhere, and I come home to you! Of course I get distracted! Im a young bloke, I need love!
Emily turns and walks to the nursery. Luke calls after her, but she doesnt look back. She locks herself in the room with Jack, lies down on the narrow bed, and stares into the darkness.
In the morning she packs her thingsher own and Jacks. Luke tries to stop her, grabs her wrist, begging for forgiveness and a second chance. Emily wont give in. She calls a taxi, loads the bags, and drives to her mothers house.
The first weeks are rough. Jack doesnt understand why theyre now living with his grandmother, he cries, calling for his dad. Emily holds him, kisses his forehead, whispers that everything will be alright, even though she doesnt believe it herself.
Gradually life steadies. Helen helps with Jack while Emily looks for work. After a month she lands a jobnothing glamorous, but it pays a steady £1,800 a month and the boss is reasonable. She finalises the divorce; Luke doesnt fight it, only asks to see his son. Emily agrees. Jack loves his father.
A few months later she rents a onebed flatsmall, but hers. She furbishes it minimally; it becomes their home. Luke starts dropping by. At first rarely, then more often. He helps fix a leaky tap, assembles furniture, walks Jack. Emily allows itnot for herself, but for Jack. He lights up around his dad, laughing, climbing onto his shoulders. Emily cant take that away.
Six months after the divorce, Luke marries again. Emily spots him in a shopping centre with his new wife, Vickya slim, wellkept woman with long hair, makeup, a short dress.
Luke still turns up, even more often than before, always praising his new wife.
Vickys a proper housewife, he says. The house is always spotless, dinners always ready, she looks like a model.
Emily nods, her anger bubbling beneath the surface. Even after the divorce, Luke manages to sting her.
Then a thought strikes Emily. She figures out a petty, sneaky way to get back at him.
She starts calling Luke all the time, for any reason.
Hey Luke, Jack wants to go to the park, can you swing by?
Luke, the kitchen tap is dripping, can you help?
Luke, Jack misses you, when will you come?
Luke shows up each time. He discovers the only way to keep Jacks affection is to be present. They walk, chat, share tea. Their conversations stretch an hour, sometimes two. Emily tells stories about Jacks day at nursery, laughs, asks questions. Luke answers eagerly, as if hes craving that interaction.
Soon Vickys voice erupts from the phone.
Luke, are you chatting with her again? Stop this!
Luke waves it off, but Emily hears the irritation in Vickys tone and feels a strange relief.
Months pass. One evening Luke shows up unannounced. Emily opens the door to a dishevelled, slumped face.
Were getting a divorce, he says, stepping inside.
What? Emily slams the door shut, leaning against it.
Vicky left. She couldnt take it any longer.
Take what? Emily asks.
Us, Luke replies, eyes pleading. Our connection.
Emily smirks, cold and cynical.
What connection?
Emily, you know. We spend so much time together. I thought we could
What, you think were getting back together? she folds her arms. No, Luke. Ive been seeing someone for a month now and Im happy.
Luke freezes, his face contorting.
What? Who?
It doesnt matter who. It matters that its not you.
You thought Id wait for you? she laughs. Seriously?
Youll be feeding my alimony to some strangers husband?! Luke shouts, voice cracking. Youve been leading me on! I helped you, I was there like a dog, and you
I never promised anything, Emily says calmly. You came to me like a stray. You tried to become part of the family again, but I dont need you. I cant even afford to feed a cat with your alimony, let alone a grown man.
You you
What? Emily steps to the door and flings it open. Go, Luke. Dont come back without warning.
Youre not a woman! he lunges for his jacket, shouting, Petty, vengeful snake!
Maybe, Emily shrugs. But you made me that way.
The door slams shut. Emily leans against it, closes her eyes. Inside theres no joy, no reliefjust a hollow emptiness.
She knows she acted badly, but Luke broke her first. He shattered her dignity, her faith, her love. She simply returned the blow with the same coin.
Emily walks to Jacks room. He sleeps, arms stretched out. She sits beside him, runs a hand over his head, and watches the darkness fade.
