I’m 45 Years Old and I’ve Stopped Welcoming Guests into My Home.

Author Cyrus HargraveReading 2 minViews 1

Im fortyfive now, and I no longer welcome anyone through the front door of my flat.

Some folk forget the moment they step onto the step that theyre merely visitors. They bark orders, linger like unwelcome moths, and never make haste to leave.

Once I was the sort of chap who rolled out the welcome mat at the drop of a hat, but after I crossed the fourth decade the tide turned. I stopped inviting anyone over. Why bother? Their presence feels like a nuisance, a clatter of plates that never ends.

My most recent birthday I marked at a cosy bistro in Camden, and I liked it so much that I decided it would be my new tradition. Let me try to explain why.

Throwing a party at home is an expensive affair. Even a modest dinner requires a respectable sum of pounds, and a Christmas gathering can swell that figure even further. Guests arrive with modest giftstimes are tight, after allthen stay on, lingering long into the night. Id rather unwind than be buried under a mountain of crockery and dust.

Now I sit in my flat waiting for no one. I dust and I cook whenever the mood strikes. In the past, after festive feasts I would feel weary and downcast; these days, after the holidays, I can slip into a warm bath and be in bed early.

I have plenty of spare hours and I fill them as I see fit. Friends may pop round for tea, and Im not fretting about running out of biscuits. I speak my mind openly. When I need a breath of calm I point toward the door, even if the hallway looks a bit bleak; I dont linger on aesthetics. My own wellbeing comes first.

What strikes me most is that those who love wandering into strangers homes rarely invite anyone into theirs. For them its easier to play host without the hassle of cleaning and cooking.

Do you still greet guests at the gate? Could you call yourself a hospitable soul?

Aunt Rita I’m 47 years old. Just an ordinary woman. You could call me a wallflower—plain looking, nowhere near a good figure. Lonely. Never been married, never wanted to be; I believe all men are basically the same—just animals out for a full belly and the sofa. Not that anyone ever asked me out or proposed anyway. My elderly parents live in Norwich. I’m an only child—no sisters, no brothers. There are distant cousins, but I don’t speak to them, nor do I want to. I’ve been working and living in London for 15 years now. I’m at an office job, the usual work-to-home routine. I live in a typical high-rise in a residential neighbourhood. I’m bitter, cynical, don’t love anyone. Don’t like children. For Christmas, I went to Norwich to visit my parents. Once a year, I go home. This year was the same—I came back and decided to clean the fridge. Threw out all the old frozen dinners—ready meals, fish fingers, stuff I bought but didn’t like. Bagged it all up and went to chuck it away. Took the lift down, and there’s a boy, about seven. I’ve seen him with his mother and a baby, thought to myself, “She’s got a handful!” He stares at my box. We exit; I head for the bins, he follows. A timid voice: “Can I have that?” I tell him, “It’s old!” But then I think if he wants it, let him have it—it’s not rotten. As I walk away, I glance back; he’s carefully taking the bag, clutching it to his chest. “Where’s your mum?” I ask. “She’s sick, and my baby sister too. Mum can’t get up.” I turn and head home. Go into my flat, start making dinner. I sit and think. The boy won’t leave my mind. I’m not the caring type, never felt obliged to help. But something pushes me; I grab whatever food I have: ham, cheese, milk, biscuits, potatoes, onions—snatch a hunk of meat from the freezer. Realise in the lift I don’t even know which floor they’re on. Head up, floor by floor, and after two floors, the boy opens the door. At first, he’s unsure, then lets me in. The flat is sparse but spotless. His mum’s curled on the bed next to the baby, a basin of water and flannels on the table—clearly fighting a fever. The girl is asleep, breathing raspy. “Got medicine?” I ask the boy. He shows me some ancient, expired tablets, useless. I check the mum’s forehead—burning. She wakes and stares at me, confused. Sits up: “Where’s Anton?” I say I’m a neighbour. Ask about their symptoms, call an ambulance. While we wait, I make her tea and a sandwich. She eats in silence—starving, clearly. How was she breastfeeding? The paramedics arrive, check them over, prescribe a heap of medicines and injections for the little one. I dash to the pharmacy, buy everything, then hit the shop for milk and baby food. On a whim, I buy a garish yellow monkey toy—I’ve never bought a child a present before. Her name is Ann, 26 years old. From the fringes of Manchester. Her mum and grandma were Londoners, but her mum married a man from Manchester and moved there, worked in a factory; he was a technician. When Ann was born, her father was electrocuted at work. Her mum, jobless, left with a baby, started drinking heavily, lost it in three years. Neighbours somehow tracked down Ann’s grandma in London, who took her in. When she was 15, gran told her the lot—even that her mum died of TB. Grandma wasn’t chatty, was stingy, and chain-smoked. At 16, Ann worked at a corner shop—packing, then cashiering. A year later, gran died. Ann was on her own. At 18, she dated a guy who promised marriage; after she got pregnant, he vanished. She worked until she could barely stand, saved every penny; she knew there was no one to help. After the baby, she started leaving him home while she cleaned stairwells. The baby girl came about when the shop owner she’d returned to work for after her son grew up started raping her, threatening to fire her and ruin her prospects if she told. When he found out she was pregnant, he gave her 200 quid and told her never to return. That night, she told me all this, thanked me for everything, insisted she’d work it off with cleaning or cooking. I stopped her thanks and left. Didn’t sleep a wink that night. Thought about my own life, why I am how I am—never caring for my parents, never calling, loving no one. Hoarding my savings with no one to spend it on. And here’s someone else’s fate—nothing to eat, no money for medicine. Morning comes; Anton appears, hands me a plate of pancakes, and scurries away. I stand at my doorway holding the warm plate, feeling the heat thaw something inside me. Suddenly, I want to laugh, cry, and eat all at once. Near our block, there’s a small shopping centre where a lady runs a children’s boutique. She couldn’t pin down the sizes I needed, so she even agreed to come with me to their place! Was it wanting to make a sale, or was she moved by my care? Who knows. In an hour, there were four huge bags of clothes for the boy and girl. I bought duvets and pillows, bedding, food, even vitamins. I wanted to buy everything. For once, I felt needed. Ten days have passed. They call me Auntie Rita now. Ann’s a dab hand at crafts—my flat is cosier. I’ve started calling my parents, texting ‘HELP’ donations for sick kids. I can’t fathom how I ever lived before. Every day after work, I rush home. I know someone’s waiting for me. And this spring, we’re off to Norwich together. We’ve already bought the train tickets.