Today I met up with an old childhood friend. We’re both sixty now. When we finished university, she hurriedly gathered her belongings and left our town behind. We exchanged letters for a while, but eventually lost touch.
Later on, I only found out bits about her life through mutual friends. She seemed to never settle; always travelling, changing partners more than a few times. By the time she was fifty, she was on her third husband. That marriage also ended in divorce. She never had children, which I couldn’t quite fathom. Most women I know at least have children. Even if things don’t work out with a husband, childrenand eventually grandchildrenprovide a kind of comfort and company later on.
Now, shes come back to our small village to sort out some remaining affairs. She’d been renting out her old flat, preparing to sell off what little she still owned here.
When we met, we chatted about our lives, sharing stories and thoughts. I finally asked what had been on my mind all these years:
Claire, why did your life take such a different turn? Why did you never have children? Didnt you ever feel it was something to do for yourself? Someone to hand you a glass of water when youre old?
She just laughed, full in my face.
A glass of water? Do you really think your children are going to tend to you in old age? These days, children barely have time for their parents. Far more sensible to save up and afford a good carer than to rely on anyone, let alone your kids.
I didnt have children simply because I didnt want them. I never fancied the idea of forever minding someone, worrying constantly, handing over my money. I wanted my life for myselfto travel, to see the world, to build a career. Truth be told, my husbands only left because I wouldnt give in to the idea of children.
So even now, I do as I please. I dont have to babysit grandchildren or squirrel away my pension to support grown-up children who havent figured it out for themselves.
Claire said she had no regretsif anything, she pitied those whod surrounded themselves with children, only to find themselves alone or resentful when those children moved away or simply forgot about them. She has none of those worries.
Listening to Claire, I realised there was a lot of truth in what she said. Why have children if you dont truly want to? Why invest so much hope that, perhaps, in old age, theyll look after you? Perhaps it’s far wiser to live only for yourself.
