FATE ON A HOSPITAL BED
Miss, please, take this and look after him! I darent even stand near him, let alone feed him off a spoon, the woman snapped as she tossed a bag of groceries onto the foot of the bed where her unwell husband lay.
Oh, do try not to worry so. Your husband will get better. He needs proper care now. Ill help William find his feet again. As the nurse, it wasnt the first time Id had to soothe Mary, the wife of our patient with tuberculosis.
William had turned up in a true state, but he had every chance. He wanted to live; and in my book, thats half the battle won. Mary, however, had little faith in the doctors; she looked ready to wash her hands of him well before time.
Looking ahead, I could see their son, George, would suffer the same fate years latertuberculosis once more, and in the open form. Mary would, with a sigh, give up on George too. But he would make a full recovery. Thats how the story goes.
William, for all his troubles, kept making jokes and laughing, itching to shake the dust of this dreary sanatorium from his shoes. There wasnt a hospital to speak of in the small village where the family lived, so Mary rarely came to see him. I felt sorry for the poor chap, so abandoned and unkempt, clothes threadbare and out at the elbows.
Will, you wouldnt mind if I brought you a few odds and ends, would you? I see you havent any slippersjust those battered loafers. Would you accept a little care package from me? I tried, gently, to tease him out of his troubles.
Oh, Helen, he replied, from you, Id take poison as medicine. But honestly, dont bother. Just let me mend, then well see His fingers lingered for a moment over mine.
I drew my hand away and slipped out quietly.
My heart thudded; was this love, blooming in winters chill? No, noI cant break up a family, I thought, cant build happiness on anothers sorrow. But love has never listened to reason. So into the deep end, I dove.
I found myself more and more in Wills room, talking long into the dim corridors of the night. There was a gentleness between us, a warmth we both craved. Before I realised, wed begun calling each other you in the way that marks a kind of courtship in dreams.
William had a little boy, only five.
My George looks so much like his lovely mother, hed say. Helen, I adored Mary once, would have laid down my life for her. She was a passionate, tempestuous woman, and in beda gale. But she loves only herself. Theres nothing to be done. Her selfishness is worse than acid, burns right through you. You, a stranger, care for me now. She, meanwhile, is far away.
Its a long trip back and forth. Hardly practical to visit often, I said, brushing off his comments about his wife.
Oh, Helen! As they say in England, she loved her husband so much she bought him a seat in prison. When it comes to running off to her lover, no distance is too far. Ive heard the stories Irritation flashed in Wills eyes.
Good night, Will. Dont do anything hasty. Things will work out, I whispered as I turned out the lights.
Of course, it pained him. He lay helpless in the chill of the ward, while Mary busied herself elsewhere. It was not fatal, but still, for an ant, even a drop of rain is a flood.
A week later, a racket shattered the quiet of Williams room.
If I see you here again, you tart, Ill have you out! Get gone! William bellowed at a wide-eyed Mary. She darted away, a quick shadow.
What happened? I asked, surprised.
Will turned and faced the wall, shivering so hard I could see the movement under the covers. I gave him a sedative and left him to his dreams.
A month passed, and Mary stayed away.
Shall I ring your wife? I asked one evening, quietly.
No need, Helen, thank you. Were divorcing, he said, calm as a morning fog.
Because youre ill? Nonsense, youre recovering.
Remember when I sent her out? She turned up only to tell me about her lover. Said he could live in our housetheres not much hope for you, she saidand she needed a mans hands; the roof is leaking His words trailed away.
How horrible, was all I could manage.
In fact, Mary returned soon after, not alone. This time, with a man Id never seen before, fidgeting on the bench outside, smoking one cigarette after another, waiting. Mary flew out to him, pecked his cheek, said something daft, and the two vanished arm in arm.
Will was soon due for discharge.
Helen, theres something I want to ask He hesitated.
Will, its all right. You mean to ask if you can come home with me? If so, yes. I hope Im reading you right? I was emboldeneddreams unlock all locks.
Will confessed, Helen, Ive got nowhere left. May I stay with you? Marys marrying that chap, its all sorted.
I have a child. If you can accept him, well make a fine family, I laid my cards on the table.
A childs no bother. I already love him, Will smiled, and just like a snowflake melting on a mitten, I warmed and melted, too.
Years floated by, as seasons drift and twist in dream. Will and I had two children together, and our home was soft and warm. George visited often with his own family. My daughter from before lived overseas now; truthfully, there was never a marriagejust a young girl, slipping and tumbling into hope. I once believed a young mans talk of endless love, of a symphony future written for two; but the melody never played. Still, regrets had no place with me.
As for Mary, she married again and again, had a son by someone passing through. The boys mind was never at ease. Mary gave him neither warmth nor attention; he simply grew up alone, never disturbing her. When at last Mary herself crossed to the other side, the boy was placed in a home.
Will and I are old now, fumbling along together, more in love than ever we were as youths. We count every day, every glance, every shared breath. In this strange, gentle dream, we go onside by side.
