Ive truly had enough of them turning up every weekend!
You might have encountered that particular sort of person who honestly believes the sun rises and sets just for them, with no thought that others might have lives of their own. My brother-in-law and his entire clan descend upon us every single weekend. His lot includes him, his wife Jane, their two little girls, and Janes brother. The whole extended family arrives, suitcases in tow, ready to stay the night. Not once have they bothered asking if we have plans or if its convenientthey just assume were always happy to see them.
Its been going like this for nearly a year, and Im truly at my wits end. Of course, I enjoy hosting now and then, but theres a limit, and it turns out I cant even get on with my own business or steal a moments peace after a long week.
Instead of a quiet Saturday or Sunday, Im chained to the cooker, trying to keep everyone entertained, making up beds, and doing mountains of laundry when they finally leave. Every time I asked myself if they realised just popping round uninvited was, at best, rather rudeeven if they are family. I probably wouldnt react so strongly if these visits didnt happen at least three times a month.
Neither my wife Lily nor I ever act this way with relatives, so perhaps we ought to have visited them unannounced a few timesjust so they could get a taste of their own medicine. Ive asked Lily repeatedly to speak to them, but she has no idea what to say, worried she might offend. Maybe she doesnt actually mind them coming round. Since my wife refused to help, I decided Id take matters into my own hands.
First, I stopped cooking at weekends. Instead, our visitors had to make do with whatever random odds and ends were left from the week. If there wasnt enough, they were welcome to rustle something up themselves. I could easily go without.
One afternoon, they all gathered round the kitchen table, waiting for lunch and giving me those sheepish, expectant looks. I told them there was nothing prepared that dayif they were peckish, theyd best cook up something themselves. No one said a word, but they didnt whip up anything either; instead, they just had a cup of tea and went off for a nap.
On top of that, I stopped frantically cleaning the house before each visit. Once, Jane griped that her daughters white socks had gone grey. I just told her I hadnt got round to mopping the floors, but if she was really bothered, there was a bucket and mop in the bathroom for her to use. She never mentioned it again.
Most importantly, I put my own needs first. I stopped changing my own plans just because the family brigade showed up. At the end of the day, Im entitled to my own lifeI want to spend time with people I choose. When they came round, Id sit with everyone for an hour, then excuse myself and say I had things to do. If Lily wanted to play host, she was free to do so. If I had nothing scheduled, Id deliberately pick that moment to start a big clean, just to limit the time spent with our guests.
Eventually, after one more of these marathon visits, my brother-in-law looked at my wife and said, Seems like our welcomes worn out, hasnt it? I couldnt believe it took him this long! From that day forward, the dear relatives only visit after asking firstand never to stay over. It happens far less often, too. If youve ever had something like this happen to you, Id love to know how you handled it.
Reflecting on all this, Ive realised its vital to set boundarieseven with family. Your own peace of mind and free time are precious, and its perfectly all right to stick up for them.
