THE BITTER END OF THE SOUL
Youve been overdue for a boarding school for years! Get out of our family! I shrieked, my voice wobbling so hard it nearly knocked the crockery off the table.
The object of my flaming outrage? My cousin, Toby.
Honestly, Id adored that boy as a child. Flaxen hair, bluebell eyes, the sort of easy-going charm that made you want to run through meadows barefoot. That was Toby.
Back in those days, our lot were always crowding round the table for every birthday, Christmas, or excuse to eat cake. Out of all my cousins, Toby was the one that shone, always spinning stories faster than my gran could knit a scarf, and talented toohe could sketch half a dozen pencil drawings in one sitting. Id stand there, spellbound, then squirrel the masterpieces away in my desk where nobody else could find them. I guarded his work as though he was the next Turner.
Toby was two years my senior.
But then, when he was 14, the world took a nasty turn. His mummy dads younger sisterdied in her sleep. Just like that.
Suddenly, everybody was in a panic about what to do with Toby. Of course, they went looking for his dad firstnever an easy mission. His parents had split yonks ago, and his father, already installed in another happy family, had no intention of disrupting the household equilibrium, as he put it.
After that, all the aunts and uncles shrugged in perfect unison. Too many responsibilities, my dear, so sorry, lifes rather full at the moment. And just like that, the relatives vanished faster than sunshine in February.
So, with two kids already in tow, my parents took Toby in. They sorted out the legal guardian papers and everything.
At first, I was chuffed. Toby, in our house! But, well
On his very first day, something felt off. Mum tried to cheer him up, the poor orphan: Is there anything you want, love? Just say!
Without hesitation, Toby blurted out, A model train set.
Now, that was no cheap wish. I was gobsmacked. His mum had just diedthe most important person in his worldand his top priority was a toy railway? How, I wondered, could someone even think like that?
Of course, my parents bought the train set. And from then on, it snowballed: Get me a Walkman, jeans, a branded jacket This was the 1980s; not only were these things rare as hens teeth, they cost an arm and a leg. My parents kept obliging, shortchanging us, their own children, for Tobys benefit. My brother and I tried to be gracious about it.
By 16, Toby had discovered girls. Turns out, he was a bit of a Casanova. Worse, he started flirting with mehis own cousin! As a budding athlete, I knew how to dodge and weave, but we clashed more than once. I sometimes ended up sobbing for hours, but I never let on to my parentsyou dont exactly start that sort of conversation over Sunday roast.
After realising I was thoroughly uninterested, Toby quickly shifted focus to my friends, who, weirdly, started vying for his attention.
And then there was the stealing. Bold as brass, too. I had a piggy bank where I saved up my lunch money to surprise my parents with gifts. One day it was empty. Toby feigned ignoranceNot me!without so much as batting an eyelid. I was torn to pieces as I tried to fathom how someone living under the same roof could pinch from family. He was bulldozing through our household rules, and while I sulked for weeks, Toby seemed genuinely puzzled by my reaction. In his eyes, everyone owed him. My affection turned into open hatred, and finally, bellowing, I told him to get out.
I gave him a tongue-lashing so epic it couldve been bottled and sold at the market.
Mum just about managed to calm me down. From that day, Toby ceased to exist for me. I ignored him completely. Later, I found out the rest of the family already knew what a rotten apple Toby wastheyd had a front row seat all along, living nearby, while we were in another part of town.
Teachers had even warned my parents: Taking Toby in is a mistakehell ruin your children.
At his new school, Toby found Emma, a girl who fell for him head over heels and married him as soon as theyd finished their A-levels. They had a daughter, and Emma endured all his shenaniganslies, endless affairsyou name it. The saying goes, single and miserable, marry in haste, misery doubled, or something like that.
Toby never stopped milking Emmas devotion, right to the end.
He ended up drafted into the army and shipped off to, of all places, Yorkshire. There, he started a second family while on leave. After demob, he stayed up north, where his son had just been born. Emma, plucky soul that she was, followed him and managed, by sheer willpower and a bit of creative storytelling, to drag him back to the family fold.
My parents never saw a glimmer of gratitude from Toby, although honestly, they hadnt done it for thanks.
Now TobyToby William Smithhas just turned 60. Hes a loyal attendee at the local Anglican church. He and Emma are up to five grandchildren.
The world would say alls well that ends well, but, truth be told, the lingering bitterness about Tobys years with us has never really sweetened. And, as they say, not even a spoonful of honey can help it go down.












