After I heard this tale from my dear friend, it utterly altered the way I viewed people, just as it did my husbands. We started to spend less time with our circle and shared decidedly little about our private affairs. We didnt lose complete trust in those around us and still enjoy cordial relations, but we are far more guarded about whom we let into our personal lives. It all stems from a rather unpleasant event that befell my friend and her husband many years ago.
They had been close to another couple. Their friendship dated back to their university days: the women had studied English Literature together, and their husbands worked at the same publishing house. In time, my friends companion married, and a year later celebrated the birth of her child. She introduced my friend to her husbands colleague and soon another romance blossomed.
But circumstances changed. My friends companions husband left his post and secured a more lucrative position, and his wife, too, found well-paid employment. As life got busier, their gatherings became fewer. Then, my friend was in and out of hospital, what with another two children being born, and the absenteeism proved too much for her employer, who dismissed her on some pretext.
With four children to provide for, her husband toiled hard to ensure they enjoyed a comfortable, if not extravagant, life. They bought a spacious house in the Oxfordshire countryside and kept up a modest yet pleasant household. Gradually, their finances stabilised, but they never reached any great wealth.
The other couple, however, chose a different path. Without children, they advanced in their careers, travelled often, and lived according to their own desires.
One day, my friend and her husband decided to invite their old friends to their cottage in the Cotswolds, believing it would do everyone good to escape the noise of London for a weekend. They imagined lazy afternoons barbecuing, swimming in the stream, and strolling through the woods. The weather couldnt have been finer. So, my friend called her old university companion with the invitation. Her friend sounded delighted, but said she would need to check with her husband and ring back soon with an answer. She set her phone down on the table, neglecting to end the call, and at that moment, my friend overheard quite a shocking conversation about herself and her family.
As it turned out, their so-called friends considered them fools, claiming they knew nothing of life or propriety. In their eyes, burdened by four children, my friend and her husband could scarcely make ends meet. The house was rubbish, unsuitable for guests. The children were wild, and why on earth did they have so many?half, they joked, might be better off in an orphanage. The woman, apparently, was dreadfully dull, prattling on about her offspring all the time.
According to them, her husband was a boorish oaf, with whom one couldnt hold a decent conversation. With that, the line finally fell dead, leaving my friend and her husband aghast in their kitchen, too stunned to react. They debated marching straightaway to confront these supposed friends, but just then the phone rangthe friends husband announced they would make it for the weekend visit after all. My friends husband gave a polite reply and hung up.
Later, reflecting on the whole ordeal, my friend and her husband chose to wait for the visit rather than act hastily. Their guests arrived bearing a few cheap supermarket jams and equally unimpressive biscuits for the children. Immediately, the friends husband remarked:
Whats the matter, cant you afford proper food on your small wages? Never mind, well make sure youre well fed. Theres plenty on our table. Tuck in for now, but afterwards, youll need to lend us a handso much to be done around here.
My friends family was flabbergasted, unsure what to make of this behaviour. The friends wife soon chimed in:
Why is it you dont have children yet?
Were not ready, and would like to wait, replied my friend, keeping her composure.
I see now. Only the uncouth rush into children; clever folk live for themselves, declared their guest.
At that, my friend and her husband fell silent. It was now apparent their friends knew more than they ought, yet had no way of knowing how. The visitors soon concocted an excuse and left early.
Looking back now, one can only wonder how best to have handled such a moment. Should my friends family have offered more kindness? Or been more forthright? Perhaps, if I found myself in their shoes, I would want to do bothhonest, but also gracious. What would you have done?
