We had really hoped my mum would finally retire, move out to the countryside, and simply leave her spacious three-bedroom flat to me and my husband!
Let me tell you about my neighbour, Margaret. Shes 68 now and until recently lived alone in her three-bedroom flat. Not long ago, Margaret decided to let her flat and set off on a holiday adventure.
Soon after, her daughter Emma turned up at my door, clearly frustrated:
What on earth is Mum playing at? Shes really let me down! Now my mother-in-laws going on at me, saying Ill end up mad in my old age too. She keeps telling me, the apple never falls far from the tree. And weve just taken out a loan to buy a carwere already two months behind on the payments! We really counted on my mum, you know, thought shed help us out! But shes let us down: let her flat and gone off on her travels!
I looked at Emma in surprise: why should her mum have to pay off their car loan? But Emma carried on, undeterred:
My mother-in-law is up in arms that were living at hers, while my mums swanned off and let out her flat!
I could feel Emma wanted a bit of sympathy from me. If Im honest though, I reckon Margaret has it right. Shes entitled to live her life however she sees fit. Why does everyone presume a woman, once she retires, must devote herself entirely to her children and grandchildren? Its simply not fair. I asked Emma:
Why dont you and your husband rely on yourselves? Why not trust in your own abilities? Why not spend the last fifteen years of being married working towards buying your own home? At least then your mother-in-law wouldnt have reason to complain.
Emma replied,
We honestly believed that when my mum retired, shed head off to the country and wed get her three-bedroom flat!
I couldnt help myselfI decided to tease Emma a bit:
Suppose Margaret were to get married, eh? Ive a friend who went on holiday to Greece, met a man, fell in love and got married. Now shes happy as can be, living out there. Perhaps your mum will do the same!
Emma gave me a wide-eyed stare after that. Just the other day, I saw photos of Margaret onlineshes clearly having a wonderful time and enjoying life to the fullest. I was truly happy for her. Shes absolutely right, in my view. Age is no barrier to happiness, nor to collecting new and delightful experiences.
Reflecting on all this, its clear to me: we shouldnt expect our parents to put their own dreams aside for us. Everyone deserves to pursue what brings them joy, no matter their age. Thats a lesson worth holding onto.
