A childhood friend of mine has come to visit. She never had any children. It was a choice she madeshe wanted to live for herself.
Today, I met up with my old friend from school days. Were both 60 now. After we finished university, she quickly packed her things and left our little town. We kept in touch for a while, but eventually lost contact.
It was only through some mutual friends that I found out what shed been up to all these yearsconstantly on the move, travelling, never settling in one place for long, and changing partners. By the time she was 50, she was married for the third time, though that one ended as well. She never had children. I could never really understand it. Most women, at the very least, have children. Even if things dont work out with a husband, at least youve got a child, and maybe one day grandchildren to look after.
So, she comes back now to our little English town. She needs to sell off the last bits of her belongingsshe used to rent a flat here.
We caught up over tea and talked about our livesme sharing mine, her sharing hers. Then I finally asked her,
“Listen, why did your life turn out this way? Why didnt you ever have children? Not even for your own sake? So that there’s someone to bring you a cup of tea when youre old?”
She laughed right in my face and replied,
“What cup of tea? Do you really expect your children to be running around after you? Children dont look after their elderly parents these days. Its far easier to save your own money and pay for a good carer than to ask your children for help, or weigh them down with your needs.
I never had a child because I simply didnt want one. I dont fancy constantly looking after someone, worrying, spending my money. I decided my life would be mine alone. I wanted to travel, see the world, earn my own money. My husbands all left, really, because I wouldnt have children.
Even now, I live for my own enjoyment. Im not busy minding grandchildren or scrimping on my pension just to feed grown children who cant manage on their own.
I have no regrets. In fact, I feel sorry for those who had a brood of children and now find themselves aloneblaming their children for forgetting them, or moving abroad. I dont have those burdens. Thats just the way I see things.”
Listening to her, I realised she was right. Why have children and worry, if you dont want them? Why pin your hopes on having children just in case they might help when youre old?
