Shift Over, Well Settle Here for a Decade or So
My mother-in-law went quiet for a moment, and then declared, Oh, Jenny, Vals a bit of a bruiser, you know… Once she gets an idea into her head, theres no stopping her. But try to see her sideshe just wants Natalie to get an education, make something of herself
At my expense? Jenny stopped dead in front of the mirror.
A pale woman with untamed hair stared back at her.
Mrs Thompson, please stop them. Tell them to get off at the next stop and go back. I wont be meeting them. Theyre not getting my flat.
How can I stop them? her mother-in-law wailed. Theyre already on their way. And Val took out a loan for universityshes got nothing left for accommodation. She really counted on your help. Jenny, darling, send the tenants packing. How hard can it be? Its family, after all
Family? Ive seen Natalieyour precious niecetwice in my life! You want me to throw out my tenants, deny my parents vitally needed money, and deprive my own daughter of her classes, all because your sisters had a brainwave?
Her phone pinged. Without taking off her coat, Jenny fished it from her pocket. Message from Valher mother-in-laws sister.
Hi Jenny! Were on the train, tickets for 7:40pm, arriving at Kings Cross in the morning. Can you come get us, me and Natalie? Send the address of your one-bed, we didnt write it down last time. Where do we collect the keys?
Jenny froze. She reread the message three times, hoping shed misunderstood. What flat? What Natalie?
Mum, are you stuck or something? a little voice called from the hall. Im starving!
Just a minute, poppet, Jenny said, absently patting her daughters head while still glaring at the screen.
She rang Val. The phone was picked up instantly; the background was filled with the rhythmic clatter of train wheels and shrill laughter.
Hello, Jenny! Got our message? Thought wed surprise you so you wouldnt stress about cookingwell sort it ourselves!
Val, hang on. What? Where exactly are you going?
To London, of course! Natalies got into uniI told you in spring. Didnt get a bursary, but never mind, well pay full whack. We packed up and are heading straight for your flat.
My… excuse me? The one-bed Ive been letting out for six years? Val, have you gone completely loopy?
Oh, now dont be like that! Remember at Grandmas wake, when you inherited the flat? I said, Thats where Natalie will live for uni, and you never said no, did you? Silence means consent, love. Weve been banking on that for years!
I didnt say anything because it was a daft joke! Jenny exclaimed. I never promised you the flat. People live there. A familywith a small child! Weve got an agreement, they pay me on time every month. That moneys for my retired parents medication and for Sophies dance lessons. What exactly were you thinking, just buying train tickets and turning up?
Were family! Val barked. Or has London made you heartless? Planning to leave your own niece on the station platform? Did you even call your husband? Does he know youre turfing his relatives into the street?
Hes at a conference up in Newcastle, barely any service. And this is MY flat, Val. Mine! Bought by my gran, given to me. James has nothing to do with it.
Oh, is that how it is now! Natalie, did you hear that? Your uncles wife wants nothing to do with us. Never mindwell sort things when we get there. Bad signal, see you at the platform.
The line went dead. Jenny was properly gobsmacked.
Sophie, go to the kitchentheres casserole in the fridge, just pop it in the microwave, she called, hands shaking as she dialed Mrs Thompson.
After a slow answer, Yes, Jenny, dear?
Did you know your sister and Natalie are moving to London, expecting to move into my flat?
Well… Val did mention something… I thought youd sorted it, dear, her mother-in-law mumbled.
With whom exactly did I sort it? Ive been renting that flat out for six years. Half the money goes to my parents for their meds, the rest is for Sophies activities. Why didnt you tell them its not possible?
Dont shout at me, Mrs Thompson sniffed, suddenly hurt. Nothing to do with me. You sort it out. Dont call James, youll upset him right before his meetinghes already on edge.
Jenny lobbed the phone onto the sofa. Her husband usually avoided family drama, but if his mum or aunt got involved, he melted like butter.
Oh, Jenny, theyre from out in the sticksthey just have different ideas, hed say. Best to let them get on with it…
She tried ringing James. The person youve called is currently unavailable. Brilliant. Always unavailable when you need him.
***
The scandal erupted at the crack of dawn. Val started calling at five in the morning, demanding that Jenny come fetch them at Kings Cross.
Were exhausted, starving, and its freezing! Are you still in bed? Get moving! I expect you here in fifteen minutes!
Bleary-eyed, Jenny barked into the phone, Get lost! Im not coming, and youre not getting the flat. Sorrynot sorry. Ive had enough.
After the tenth call, Vals number made its way firmly into Jennys blocked list.
Next, the onslaught came from Natalies phoneblocked again.
The entire day, Jenny was harassed by Mrs Thompson: pleas, guilt-trips, threats to tell James everything if she didnt see to her relatives.
Then James showed up in the evening, unexpectedly back from his trip.
What on earth is going on? he asked, barely through the door. Mum says youve thrown Aunt Val into the streetweeping down the phone, she was.
Jenny hugged him and explained, They turned up without warning, demanding I chuck out the tenants and let Natalie live rent-free for at least five years! Normal people dont do that, do they? Theyre quite comfortable at your mums, by the way. Why are YOU back?
Well, Mum called, all in bits. And Val nearly broke my WhatsApp account. Jenny, maybe we should just let them have the place? Just until halls open up
Jenny shook her head.
James, theres not even a hall place. They didnt applyVal was dead certain they could just bunk in at mine. Can you believe the cheek? Didnt even consider alternatives; they just assumed it was a given.
Mum says you promised, six years back
I kept quiet at a wake, James! I had other things on my mind.
Aunt Vals in a right strop. Says were dead to her now. By the way, they didnt stay at Mumstoo far out for uni. I sent Val a tennerthey managed to rent something
Thank goodness! Jenny slapped the table for emphasis. Best news Ive heard all day. Im not even angry you sent them moneyif it gets them off my back, so be it.
James sighed deeply. Its a room in a house-share. Aunt Val says its crawling with cockroaches and the neighbours are all boozers.
Theyd better get used to it. Londons toughyouve got to look after yourself, not expect manna from long-lost relatives who dont even remember your birthday.
Jenny headed for the bedroom, James trailing miserably behind.
Jennyarent we being a bit harsh? he tried, anxious. What if something happens? What if the neighbours are really dodgy? Dont you feel a bit sorry for Aunt Val?
She spun round. James, Ive got a daughter and elderly parents to look after. The flat was my grans. Im not giving it up because someone further up the M1 thinks theyre entitled! Why is it me whos supposed to feel guilty?
James fell silent, and Jenny continued:
Are you hungry? Come on, Ill heat up dinner. And lets put an end to this. If you want to help, do it from your own salary. But my flat stays tenanted. End of.
Alright, alright, youre right. I wouldnt be thrilled if your parents landed at my mums, saying, Shift up, were moving in for the next decade.”
Later, after James disappeared for his post-dinner shower, Jenny checked her phone. An unread message from Mrs Thompson stared up at her:
Jenny, this cant go on. Vals made herself ill with stress. At least drop off some groceries, would you? Get enough for a few weeks: meat, fruit, veg, chocolate, coffee, tea, toiletries, cooking oil. Maybe fish. Dont get tinned stuffVal wont touch it. Address:
Jenny blocked her mother-in-law too. Let them stew, just for a few days.
***
The night passed uneventfullyno more family ambushes.
Val showed up at 7am on the dot, though. Jenny woke to loud knocking.
James was still asleep; Jenny answered. Val launched into her speech before the door was fully open.
So, snoozing in your warm, comfy bed, are you? Any idea how Natalie and I spent the night? Vile, let me tell you! Cockroaches raining down, freezing cold, the floor like ice! One side belting out Mull of Kintyre all night, the other having a barney about God-knows-what!
Have you any decency? Letting relatives live like this? I dont want to argue. If you wont evict your tenants, fine! Well just move in here! Youve got a three-bed, surely you can spare a decent room for the two of us? Just for a few monthsthree, four, maybe six, till Natalie settles in.
Jenny was stunned.
Forget you ever knew the way here. Lets not fall out for good. Want me to call the police? Because I will, and I wont feel bad about it. Do you really want that?
Val flushed beetroot. Jenny actually felt a moments worry.
You… You Youll get whats coming to you, love! Lets hope your daughter ends up scrubbing toilets her whole life for want of an education! Dont worry, I wont forget this. What goes around comes around, you know!
Jenny simply shut the door in her face. Val screeched on the landing a few minutes more, then cleared off.
***
The row with Val put an end to relations with Mrs Thompsonmother-in-law now avoids speaking to Jenny.
James still visits his mum, brings Sophie round sometimes, but Mrs Thompson never sets foot in their home anymore.
Frankly, Jenny was almost gratefulfewer headaches to deal with.
