For Five Years, She Thought She Was Living With Her Husband—But Realised She Wanted to Be With Him Like a Mother Helena grew up in a quiet English town, where she and Alex fell for each other and decided to leave their rural roots behind. Telling their parents they were off to London to save for a wedding, they followed the trendy route—trainers and jeans at the ceremony, gifts strictly in cash, and a simple buffet in place of a lavish reception. Instead of splashing out, they put the cash gifts toward their mortgage, while their mums held a modest family party back home. Five years passed. The couple chose to delay having children, focusing on repaying their home loan. Helena’s mum, a fiercely independent single mother, constantly reminded her daughter she was ready for grandchildren, but Helena felt no rush. Suddenly, Helena started arguing with her husband over things she once ignored: his long phone calls, his interest in horror films, his lack of effusive compliments about her cooking—little things that left her feeling misunderstood. She called me for advice. Our hour-long chat revealed Helena’s yearning for admiration and involvement, the sort of attention her emotionally demonstrative mother gave her—attention her quieter husband struggled to provide. Delving into their relationship, it became clear Helena expected the same emotional nurturing from Alex that she’d received from her mum, despite not having a father figure to model alternative dynamics. When I gently suggested she was seeking a marriage more like her relationship with her mum, she was shocked, but ultimately agreed. “How do I get a divorce from my mother?” she asked. “Simple,” I replied. “Whenever you find yourself criticising Alex, imagine your caring mum is with you, not him—he can’t compete with her.” “That’s it!” she exclaimed. And just like that, the complaints began to fade.

For five years, she believed she was living with her husband, but in truth, she longed to live with him as if he were her mother.

Charlotte grew up in a small English town. Thats where Cupids arrow found her. She fell in love with Thomas, and he with her. They decided to leave their little hometown behind. Telling their parents that they were heading to London to earn money for their wedding, they packed up and left for the capital. And it was true they went to save up. But then, they both agreed it would be a waste of money to throw a big wedding.

They followed the trend thats become quite fashionable now: a wedding in trainers and jeans, gifts only in the form of cash, and a buffet instead of a traditional reception. The money they received as gifts went straight towards paying off their mortgage. Still, when they returned home to visit, their mothers organised a small dinner party for them.

Five years have now passed since they tied the knot. They decided to hold off on having children and focused on paying down the mortgage, as the wedding gifts werent quite enough to clear it completely. Charlottes mother was fiercely independent, having raised her daughter single-handedly, and she never missed a chance, even during the shortest phone call, to remind Charlotte she was ready to be a grandmother. But Charlotte didnt feel ready just yet there was no rush, so they continued to wait.

That was when Charlotte, seemingly out of nowhere, started voicing complaints about her husband issues that had always been there, but she used to be able to keep them to herself. She phoned me up and said:

He spends ages chatting on the phone with everyone else, but with me its just hello and goodbye, and thats it…

Hell have plenty of time to chat with you when he gets home from work, I pointed out.

I want to relax after work and watch a romantic film, but he only ever wants to watch horror movies.

How many tellies have you got? Mind you, these days you can just watch something on the laptop with your headphones in. Though, sitting together with your backs turned to each other doesnt sound much like family life.

Thats exactly what I think! I dont think Thomas understands me at all!

Thats quite a bold statement.

Why are you laughing at me?

Im not, I promise. Charlotte, when do you two have fun together?

When were on holiday, or if weve got friends over Hes so attentive then

My chat with Charlotte lasted nearly an hour. She told me about meeting Thomas, and how all her friends had been envious of her. It became clear to me over the course of our talk that the root of her frustration was that Charlotte had a lingering, female need to show off in front of others. That was one issue and then there was another…

Charlotte, whats your idea of the perfect marriage?

Well, its got to have children.

I suppose thats what most people say, but dont a lot of marriages fall apart soon after the kids arrive?

My husband should care about how Im feeling, ask me about my day at work He should notice what Im wearing, compliment my cooking

He doesnt notice these things?

Oh, he says the meal was nice, but thats not enough for me.

So, tell me what really happens Lets say he comes home, you serve him up some mash and a pork chop, and then what?

He rubs his hands together and smiles.

But isnt that a kind of compliment too? Wouldnt you feel awkward if he pushed the plate away and said he wasnt hungry?

Charlotte was quiet for a while; it seemed she hadnt really understood the point of her own complaints. Still, she seemed to harbour some resentment toward her husband. I found myself wondering exactly what she was dissatisfied about. To confirm my suspicions, I asked her a bit about her relationship with her mum.

I learned her mother was rather emotional often overwhelming her with questions and opinions. At the same time, whenever something went wrong, she always supported Charlotte, reassuring her that everything would turn out alright.

Theres a saying that we marry people who remind us of our parents, or who offer us the kind of love were used to. Since Charlotte never had a father around, she never really understood that not everyone expresses their feelings as openly and as dramatically as her mother did.

I told Charlotte that for five years, shed actually been married to her mother at least in her mind; she was expecting her husband to be just like her, to fill that emotional role. At first, she was taken aback, but after a bit of thought she admitted I was right.

So how do I get a divorce from my mum, then? she asked.

Its simple. Every time you want to complain, imagine that its not Thomas whos at fault, but your ever-attentive mum sitting next to you. And Thomas simply cant compete with her!

Thats just it! she said.

And thats all there is to it. Before long, youll see your complaints start to vanish on their own.Charlotte laughed, the tension easing from her voice. Maybe its time I start looking at Thomas as, well, just Thomas. Not some replacement for Mum.

Outside her window, London was starting to light up for the eveningan ordinary scene shed nearly forgotten could feel magical when she let herself notice it. She hung up the phone, feeling something softer inside, a gentle acceptance growing where frustration had been.

That night, when Thomas walked through the door, she watched him: the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, the slightly awkward way he shrugged off his jacket. He glanced at the kitchen. Something smells good! Did you add garlic this time?

She smiled, and instead of reaching for the usual complaint, she let herself answer lightly, Just a little. Sit down, Ill serve.

He beamed, grateful, and she realized, perhaps for the first time, that being loved quietly wasnt the same as not being loved enough. It was love, just a different language.

After dinner, Thomas suggested a film. “Lets compromise,” he said, holding out the remote. “No horror. No romance. Maybe a silly comedy?”

Charlotte nodded, curling up beside him. The laughter they shared wasnt dramatic or over-the-topit was warm, everyday happiness, the kind shed almost missed while searching for grand gestures.

She understood now: sometimes, a great marriage isnt about fireworks or proving anything to anyone else. Sometimes, its about going home and finding, at last, that you are enough for each otherjust as you are. And with that realization, Charlotte leaned her head on Thomass shoulder, realizing she had finally come home, not to her mother, but to herself.