Dear Diary,
I trudged home after a marathon of meetings, clutching the grocery bags like a weary soldier. The day had been relentless, and all I dreamed of was a quiet evening in my flat in Camden. Id even thought of taking a stroll, not a drive, but the thought of walking all the way back now seemed absurd. Tomorrow Ill take a cabmy car is still parked at the office and I have no desire to lug it around any longer.
I fumbled with the key, turned it a few times, and the lock stayed stubbornly closed. I tugged at the handle; nothing moved.
Blimey! I muttered, hanging onto the knob. Did I get the right floor?
Had fatigue made me try the wrong door? I counted the stairwellsfirst, second third. Flat 17, my floor. It wasnt a case of absentmindedness; something was off. Perhaps my husband, John, had locked himself in?
John? Are you in there? I called, pressing my ear to the wood. Silence answered.
John should be at work till late. Thered been no arrangement for him to come home early. A flicker of worry crossed my mindhad something happened to him? But John always texts if his plans change. I tried calling, but his phone went straight to voicemail, so I went back to the stubborn door.
Come on, open up, I growled, then started knockingsoft at first, then louder. From behind the door I heard faint shuffling, as if someone were moving about, yet the door refused to budge.
This is getting ridiculous! I shouted. Whos there? Im calling the police! I suspect burglars!
My words seemed to fall on deaf ears; the muffled sounds persisted. I was about to dial 999 when, suddenly, the door swung wide.
A tiny figure stood in the doorwayalmost like an imp, with oversized animestyle eyes, hair the colour of fresh snow down to her waist, and a mouth that resembled the cute little lips from a nursery rhyme. She looked utterly fragile, and for a heartbeat I was speechless.
Then, with the haughty tone of a schoolgirl, she snapped, Woman, stop trying to break into someone elses flatyou dont live here any more. Take your bags and get out quickly!
What? I exhaled, bewildered.
Exactly! Move along! she retorted.
At work Ive always kept a rule: stay calm, no matter who youre dealing with. Yet this situation demanded something else. In a flash I grabbed her by the hair, ignoring her shrieks, and hauled her into the flat.
You! Let go of me! Im pregnant! she wailed, trying to break free.
I glanced around. A halfopened suitcase lay at the end of the hallway, its contents spilling out. She let go, then, with a spiteful hiss, tried to hurl a heavy bronze candlestick at me. I dodged in time.
Sit down! I barked, yanking her hair again and pulling her onto a kitchen chair. Now that we know whos boss here, youll answer my questions. Only when I say so. Youre in my house, and if I need to call the police for trespassing, youll be the one hauled off.
She continued to scream, but I waited for her fury to wane, then asked calmly, Who are you?
Emily! And Im going to be Evies wife! she spat, the words tumbling out like a broken record.
I realised the lock hadnt been forced; she wasnt a thief. Someone had let her in. By whom? The question lingered.
I see, I replied dryly, Evie is already my husband, John. Are you mixing things up?
She snapped back, Im not mixing up anything! John loves me, hes filing for divorce, and Im carrying his child! I want you out of his flat!
I leaned against the doorframe, letting her rant. Just yesterday everything with John seemed fine, and now this drama unfolded with a pregnant stranger clutching a suitcase.
So, what did John tell you about marrying me? I asked, my tone icy.
She didnt answer at once. He said it was a mistake! Youre cold, he needs someone who understands his soul! she declared.
I raised an eyebrow. And he swore eternal love to me nine years ago. When did you two meet?
Six months, she admitted, calming a little. He writes me poems, takes me to restaurantsno one has ever courted me like that! Stay out of our happiness.
I smirked. Your happiness, huh? It sounds oddly familiar. Poems, restaurants John? Hes not exactly a poet, more a dependable bloke. Could he have hidden a creative side?
God forbid, I said. Im not here to ruin your romance, but half the assets are mine, remember? I dont know what John told you, but he didnt hand you a key. He never gave anyone a sparehes not that foolish.
Emily looked taken aback. He just gave them to me! she declared.
The absurdity of it all left me oddly clearheaded. If John had handed out a spare key, why? Hed know it would only cause trouble. Yet here she was, inside my home, claiming a child.
Just then the lock clicked, and John stepped in, looking baffled.
Rose? Why are you up so early? he asked, spotting me at the door.
I forced a smile. I thought Id surprise youleft work early, bought groceries, planned dinner. Turns out we have guests, I replied, trying to keep the tone light.
He frowned, then spotted Emily perched on the kitchen chair, hair dishevelled, eyes glinting.
Whos that? he asked cautiously.
A dramatic entrance, isnt it? I said, waving my hand. Meet your new wife and the mother of your future child.
His face turned a shade of pale that could rival a London fog. What rubbish is this? Ive never seen her before.
I circled him, I expected you to deny it or claim it was a mistake, but honestly, youre very original, love.
He tried to speak, but I cut him off.
Its awful not to acknowledge your pregnant girlfriend. How will you look your child in the eye then? And why didnt you tell her the flat is shared? Trying to impress, I see.
Emily tried to protest, I I dont know him
I snapped, Enough theatre! Your lies wont help. You shouldnt have come here if you wanted to protect him. Now tell me everythinghow did you get the key? What did John promise?
She shook her head, He promised but not him. It was a different John. She stammered.
Formulate that! I demanded.
She finally sighed, I met a man at a pub who said his name was John. We dated normallyrestaurants, his car, the works. Then he lost interest, and I went to extremes.
So you barged into what you thought was his flat? I asked.
Yes, she whispered.
Did you intend to take over his flat? I pressed.
Yes I hoped it would force him to divorce and marry me. But this isnt his flat, is it?
What flat? I was losing track.
My Johns flat, she said, He drove me here.
And youve been here often?
Not a lot, but enough.
Im calling the police, I announced. A stranger, claiming to be John, brought a woman into our home using our keys. Either this is some twisted irony or you both are master liars.
Silence fell. John shifted uncomfortably.
Whats your side of the story, John? I asked, eyes narrowed.
He swallowed, Well I gave a spare set of keys to my brother, Fred, because I thought he might need the car or the flat if we were away. He asked for a weeks stay while we were supposed to be off to Greece.
My mind raced. So that explains why everything felt out of place when we returned. Did you think hed bring strangers?
He just asked, John muttered.
Fred, youre coming over, I said, as his phone buzzed. And you better have a good explanation.
Fred arrived, a broadshouldered man with a cheeky grin that faded when he saw Emily.
Good day, he said, attempting a joke. Just wanted a bit of fun, a little adrenaline rush. No harm meant.
Fun? I raised an eyebrow. I have my own joke for youshes pregnant with your child.
He gagged, I didnt Im not
Did you give her a key? I asked.
Emily, still on the chair, spoke up. I made a duplicate myself. I wanted to kick you out, youJohns wife.
The picture cleared: Fred pretended to be John, ferrying women in his car. Emily, falling for him and pregnant, tried to become his wife and push out the real wife. Shed duplicated the keys to lock me out.
Fred tried to make a run for it, but I blocked his path.
Stay or Ill call the police, I warned.
He slumped, defeated. I turned to John.
How could you hand a spare key to a brother you barely trust? I asked.
I just wanted to help, he said, eyes downcast. What should I have said?
You should have thought first! I shouted. You almost made me a widow.
He whispered, Im sorry.
Ill forgive you later. Right now Im famished.
Ill cook, he offered.
And so the absurd night finally settled into a strange calm. Ill write later about the next stepscourt, custody, and perhaps a proper dinner without unexpected guests.











