Keeping a Husband in Check. A Diary Entry
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After being discharged from hospital, Helen felt noticeably better and planned to throw herself back into her usual routine straight away.
But on waking up, she was overtaken by an unexpected sense of inner resistance.
Her husband, Charles, was already stretching and easing his joints. Athletic as ever, retirement hadnt dulled his devotion to his morning set of stretches for his arthritic knees and hips.
Helen would normally rush off to see to Mabel, their pampered tabby, and clean out her litter tray.
Afterwards, shed feed Mabel and their loyal terrier, Dash, tidy up the hallway and kitchena necessity after their nightly animal escapadesand hurry to take Dash out for his morning walk.
Later in the day, around lunchtime and in the evening, she and Charles would venture out together, enjoying the peace of the local park. But the mornings were all hers, as her husband was busy looking after himself.
Shed then dash home from her walk to prepare their staple English breakfast. A simple meal, usually cottage cheese with honey and dried fruit, or perhaps cheese scones alternating with scrambled or soft-boiled eggs.
Helen always thought of this morning hustle as her own version of exercise. Yet, the doctors in hospital insisted she needed genuine physical activitydomestic chores wouldnt do.
Charles, after finishing his stretching regime, would make the bedgrumbling all the while that it was not a mans job, and complaining that household duties all fell on his shoulders. Twice a week hed run the washing machine and vacuum the carpet, often muttering that Helen never seemed to get things done properly. And to top it off, hed wash up after breakfast, feeling satisfied that hed done his bit for his wife.
After breakfast, Helen would prepare lunch, then settle at the laptop. Even in her retirement, she did a bit of online work here and thereshe had no intention of pinching pennies.
Charles, however, thought her side jobs were silly, and considered any urge to buy new things wastefulthe wardrobes are fit to burst! hed say.
Usually, Helen let this slide. Clothes never really fussed her, and Charles would always say how radiant she looked compared to their peers. She wouldnt object, either, when he picked up yet another cordless drill or some other gadget using the meagre money shed earned from her little jobs.
Yet her recent illness changed everything so suddenly that she was caught off guard.
Shed collapsed in the street on her way to the greengrocer, and the ambulance rushed her to hospital.
The doctors could hardly believe shed managed to walk at all, given the appalling results of her blood tests.
Even Charles was shaken by the sight of her, pale as a ghost under a saline drip, and later struggled with the housework on his own, shocked at just how many small tasks there actually were.
Naturally, he waited anxiously for his darling to be discharged. In truth, he loved her dearly and was terribly worried.
Those first few days at home, Helen followed doctors orders and stayed in bed. Charles fussed about, checking on her and asking,
So, Helen, feeling better yet? Still not quite right? Well, youre certainly not as pale as back then.
Hed chuckle,
Dont become too used to lazing about, or youll forget how to walk. Lying in bed all day isnt good for you. Time to get back to the normal routine, isnt it
Helen agreed with himmostly. But this morning, she felt absolutely no compulsion to leap into the daily domestic whirlwind.
She watched Charles, frowning in concentration as he did his joint exercises, clearly expecting her to finally get on with her own tasks.
And for the first time in years, she didnt see a caring husband. She saw someone who, perhaps unwittingly, was trying to put the same old heavy load on her shoulders.
She felt a surge of protest inside.
Helen remembered the doctors stern words, which now tolled in her mind like an alarm.
You never put yourself first, and youve taught your husband not to, either.
He thinks it all comes easy to youyou never seem tired, always smiling, never once complaining.
And yet you were ambulanced in with severe anaemia, your levels three times lower than normaldo you actually want to live?
In hospital, shed been attached to a drip straight away, and for the first time in her life, shed needed five blood transfusions before her tests finally returned to normal.
Staring at the clear tube feeding into her vein, she mused,
Theyve put the blood of five strangers into me. They saved my life. Theres literally something of them in me nowstrange to think of whether this could somehow change me
It seemed those thoughts werent for nothing.
After coming home, Helen noticed with mounting surprise that her days of bending over backwards to please Charles seemed to be over.
Yes, she loved him, and he loved her. Though he grumbled, he did a fair bit around the housefar more than most men would. But he always managed to make his contributions seem more important than hers, while downplaying what she did.
Shed previously tolerated it, being the accommodating sort, but now something inside her had shifted.
She suddenly wanted to focus more on herself and long-forgotten interests. Like playing the upright piano that had been gathering dust in the corner, or maybe something else she hadnt yet put her finger on.
She got up and started to join Charles in his routines. He looked at her, surprised,
Whats this, Helen? Have they gone and changed you at the hospital? Suddenly decided to get fit in your old age? You look lovely as you arego feed the pets and get breakfast on, Im starving.
The doctor told me to, Helen said, her tone firmer than Charles was used to. He said I wouldnt last much longer otherwise. Is that what you want?
Charles gaped at her bluntness, taken aback. Maybe he reckoned this was just a phase, some hospital-induced silliness, so he didnt complain when, after their stretches, Helen declared,
Right, Ill feed Mabel and Dash, and you take Dash out for his walk. Meanwhile, Ill get breakfast goingmuch quicker that way
Even Helen was surprised at how readily he agreed. Inside herself, she felt oddly unsettled.
It was as if there was a new force inside herno, five new forcesguiding her, whispering she had every right to chuck out her old clothes and finally buy something new with her own hard-earned cash.
Whispering she should embrace exercise, not let herself fall apart, and perhaps finally return to her music.
She counted five distinct new resolutions, and was rather spooked to recall that shed had five blood transfusions. Wasnt it possible that this new strength and determination were borrowed from those donors?
You hear stories of organ transplant recipients developing new traitsa new tendency, taste, or even unexpected talents for art or singing.
When she looked at Charles now, the old compliance was gone. Her gaze was confident, not just thanks to the doctors words but bolstered by this odd, palpable energy inside.
Charles, for his part, was baffled, sensing his world upendedthe world in which Helen had always been gentle, obliging, and easy to be around.
You know, Charles, she told him without fear of his reaction, I think I know now why you always thought I wasnt doing anything. You never really saw. Never saw how hard I tried, or how tired I got, just trying to make life comfortable for you.
But from now on, I think youll notice. Dont be surprised if I get rid of those ancient dresses and coats, and treat myself to new ones. And Ill be playing the piano againyou always teased me that after all those lessons at music school, my only party piece was Chopsticks and maybe Greensleeves? Well, listen to this
She lifted the piano lid, placed her fingers on the keys, and, quite unexpectedly, played something beautiful, forgotten but achingly familiar.
Charles gazed at her, awe-struck, then whispered,
How are you doing that, Helen? You never could before! Youre different somehow.
His face showed amazementand, perhaps, a little apprehension.
He was used to one Helen, and suddenly he had anothera stronger, more decisive version. The transformation unmoored him.
Helen smiled.
It was no longer an apologetic smile, but an honest, radiant onea spark inside her, fanned by five new energies. It promised her not mere survival, but a life truly lived.
A life with a place for herself, her own desires. And perhaps, just perhaps, a renewed and healthier love for her husbandone built on mutual respect, not self-sacrifice.
Helen never knew who those five donors were, but clearly they were strong as well as generous.
They had not only saved her life, but helped make it fulfilling and joyful, at long last.
Charles stood, wonder in his eyes, watching his Helen.
People always say you shouldnt ask why these thingsillnesses, setbackshappen. The important thing is understanding what youre meant to learn from them. Maybe these trials come to remind us anew how wonderful life is.
How lovely is spring, and winter, and rain, and frost. Every day holds its own miraclethe sky, the first and last beam of sunlight.
And the smiles and support of those close to youeven their flaws, because, in the end, were only human.
So if your loving husband starts getting cranky and grumbling, its your duty to keep him in checkperhaps it helps him remember hes a man.
While we still can, lets live life to the full and treasure everything we have. Anything less simply isnt enough.
This, at last, is what Ive learned.
