Ive had your son, but we dont need anything from you, called the other woman.
Tom looked at Laura as if hed just been kicked by an invisible boot.
Yes, you heard right, Laura. Six months ago, I was seeing someone else. It was only a few timesjust a fling. And now, shes had my son. Only recently
Laura felt the world spin. What a bombshell! Her loyal, loving husband had a child with someone else. The words rattled around her ears, forming sense only with the greatest effort.
Her husband sat across from her, shoulders slumped, hands clamped tightly between his knees. He seemed smaller than shed ever seen him, like the life had been taken out of him.
A son, then, Laura repeated, her voice flat. You, a married man, have had a sonwith someone who isnt your wife. Not me
I didnt know, Laura. I swear.
You didnt know how children are made? Youre forty, Tom.
I didnt know she would keep it. She left a while ago, went back to her own husband. I thought they were getting on fine. Then, yesterday, she calls. Youve got a son. Eight pounds, good health. And thats all. Then she hung up.
Laura rose, legs like jelly, knees weak as if shed just finished the London Marathon.
Outside, autumn was ragingrain on the windows, golden leaves spinning through the air. Laura stared at the view, almost hypnotised by its beauty.
Well, now what? she asked, not turning round.
I havent a clue.
Fantastic answer. Real head-of-the-household stuff: I dont know.
She spun, fixing him with a sharp look. Will you go there? To see him?
Tom lifted his eyes to her, shame all over his face. She gave me the address for the hospital, said the discharge is in two days. She said: Come if you want, dont if you dont. We dont need anything from you. Very dignified, isnt she?
Dont need a thing, Laura echoed. How very simple.
Suddenly the front door slammed in the hallthe older kids were home.
Laura instantly put on a smile. Years of business had taught her to keep her composure even as a deal fell to pieces.
In came the eldest, a tall, broad-shouldered twenty-year-old. Hey, Mum, Dad. You both look like youve swallowed a lemon. Mum, is there any grub? Were starved after training.
Mince pies in the fridge, warm them up, Laura replied briskly.
Dad, you promised to check my old bangers carburettor, called the younger son, giving Tom a friendly thump on the shoulder.
Laura watched the scene as her heart contracted painfully. They called him Dadtheir real father had drifted away years ago, contributing only child support and birthday cards. It was Tom who raised them: teaching them to drive, patching up their knees, talking to teachers, sorting out trouble at school.
He truly was their father.
Tom managed a small smile. Ill look, Samlater. Let me finish talking with your mum.
The boys clattered off, raiding the kitchen.
They love you, Laura murmured. And you
Dont, Laura. I love them, too. Theyre my lads. Im not going anywhere. I told you, it was a mistake. A stupid, muddled mistake. There was nothing serious with herjust a distraction.
A distraction that comes with nappies and sleepless nights now.
Just then, six-year-old Daisy burst into the room. Lauras defences cracked as her daughter scrambled onto Toms lap.
Daddy! Why are you sad? Has Mummy told you off?
Tom hugged her close, nuzzling her blonde hair. He lived for this little girlLaura knew hed protect Daisy against the world, that his love for her was fierce and absolute.
No, princess. Just talking grown-up stuff. Pop along and watch some cartoons, Ill come soon.
When Daisy had dashed off, still humming to herself, silence returned.
You realise everythings different now? Laura said, sitting back down.
Im not leaving you, Laura. I love you, the children I cant manage without you all
Just words, Tom. In fact, you have a son out there now. He needs a father. Sheshe says she needs nothing, but soon enough, shell call for something: money, help, a winter coat, a doctor. And youll go, you always want to do the right thing. Youll give, and give, and where will it come from?
Tom was silent. He knew his business had gone bust two years ago, and Lauras money had pulled them through. He had some little work now, but it was a pittance next to Lauras income. The house, cars, family holidays, educationall of it was down to Laura.
He didnt even have a proper bank cardall his were blocked by the courts; he borrowed Lauras, lived on her cash.
Ill find a way, he muttered.
How? Driving minicabs by night? Skimming from my purse to support another family?
The idea was appalling. I support us, and you send my money to some woman you got pregnant?
Shes not just some woman! Tom snapped. It was over long before all this
A child binds people tighter than any marriage certificate, Tom. Will you go and do the discharge?
The question hung in the air. Tom ran his hands over his face.
I dont know, Laura. Honestly. On a basic level I should go. Its not the babys fault.
Oh, very human of you, Laura laughed bitterly. What about me? Daisy, the boys?
Youll go, youll see him, and thatll be it. Youll be hookedyoure too soft not to be. Then weekly visits will become weekends, and well just sit here, waiting.
She stood up, turned on the tap, watched the water flow, then switched it off.
Shes eight years younger, Tomthirty-two. She gave you a son, your very own. Mine arent yours by blood, even if you raised them. But that one? Thats your blood. Dyou really think it doesnt matter?
Youre talking nonsense. The lads are mine, I brought them up.
Oh, dont start all that. Men always want their own flesh and blood.
Weve got Daisy! said Tom.
Shes a girl
That did itTom jumped up.
Thats enough! Why hound me? I said Im not leaving. But I cant ignore that a childs been born. Mine, yes. Im at fault, everywhere you look. Want me out? Say the word, Im gonemy things packed in ten minutes. Ill move in with Mum, a B&B, anywhere. But dont blackmail me.
Laura froze. If she said go, he would leave. Proud fool, but proud all the same. Hed have no money or home, and would end up with the other womansaving, being a father, even if penniless. Then shed lose him forever. And despite everythingdespite the painshe loved him. The kids loved him.
Its easy to break somethingit takes one moment. But to make a home, to live alone in rooms full of memories, thats another story.
Sit down, she said softly. No ones throwing you out.
Tom hesitated, breathing heavily, then sat.
Im so sorry, Laura. Im an idiot.
You certainly are, she agreed, but youre our idiot.
The rest of the evening passed like a fog.
Laura helped Daisy with homework, handled office paperwork, but her thoughts were far away. She imagined the other womanyoung, perhaps pretty, surely watching her new baby now and feeling victorious. But, of course, asking for nothing was the soundest move of all. Dont ask, dont make a scenejust quietly reveal, You have a son; were proud, well manage. That tugged a mans pride. What man could resist being the hero?
Tom tossed and turned beside her all night, while Laura lay awake, staring into the dark. She was forty-five: beautiful, polished, successfulbut age comes for all. And out there, youth was winning.
***
Morning brought no relief. Laura was still shaken, the boys bolted breakfast and left, and Daisy had an attack of stubbornness. Daddy, do my plaitits better than Mums! she demanded.
Tom took the brush. His big hands, used to tools and steering wheels, gently combed through Daisys soft hair. He plaited carefully, tongue poking out in concentration.
Laura sipped her tea, watching quietly. There he was: her husband. Solid, real, home. But elsewhere, there was another child who had a claim on him too.
How was this fair?
Tom, she said, when Daisy skipped out to get dressed. We have to decide. Now.
He put the brush down.
Ive thought on it all night.
And?
I wont go to the discharge.
Lauras heart pinched, but she didnt react.
Why?
Because if I go, Ill give her, myself, that baby, hope. I cant be a part-time father. I dont want to lie to you, or steal time from Daisy or the boys. I chose you, eleven years ago. Youre my wife, this is my family.
And the baby?
Ill support him financiallyofficially, or through an account for him. But visits no. Its better he grows up not knowing me, than waiting for Papa at weekends, while I just want to be homewith my real family. Its fairer.
Laura said nothing, turning her wedding ring round and round.
You sure therell be no regrets?
There will, Tom admitted quietly. Ill always wonder, always care. But if I start down that road, Ill lose you all. I know it. You might be strong, Laura. But youre not made of stone. Youll resent meand I cant bear for you to hate me. I know this is muddled
Tom stood, placed his hands on her shoulders from behind.
I dont want another life. You, the kidsthis is my world. Thatwell, thats the cost of my stupidity. Ill pay money, no arguments. But I cant give time or lovethat belongs here.
Laura put her hand over his.
Youll sort the money? She gave a crooked smile.
Ill earn it, break my back if I have to. Not a penny more from you for my mistakes. This is on me.
Laura felt herself calm, finally. Maybe hed let her down, but thats what she needed to hear. She had no intention of sharing her husband; the other womans feelings meant nothing. She wanted a child by a married manher problem.
***
Tom didnt go to the hospital. The other woman bombarded his phoneshouting, then asking why he stayed away. He told her plainly: therell be financial support, but no meetings.
After that, the calls stopped. Six months passed with silenceher number out of service. And for Laura, that was more than fine.
Life teaches us the things that matter most can be tested in the hardest ways. But sometimes, facing the cracks, and choosing to mend instead of break, is what keeps a family whole.
