Ive recently decided that I wont be inviting anyone over to my home any more. It isnt because Im pinching pennies I live in a detached house in the outskirts of Manchester, I have a garden, a decent kitchen, and I can always put something on the table.
There are a few reasons behind my decision. Hosting guests means spending hours cooking for them, and then another marathon of tidying up afterwards.
I can cook, and Im quite good at it, but I dont enjoy spending half a day perched on the stove. For my children, Lily and Oliver, and for my husband James, Im happy to invent new recipes, but when its just friends or relatives Im expected to keep everyone happy, and I dont want to waste my energy on that. When relatives arrive, I have no choice but to be in the kitchen for hours, while everyone else relaxes and has a good time. Of course they dont offer to help theyre there to unwind. As soon as they leave, I still have a few more hours of cleaning up after their stay.
I even try to tidy while the guests are still in the house. It isnt that they leave piles of rubbish or candy wrappers; the place never looks like a landfill. The problem is the disorder they create. Sofas get pushed around, toys are scattered all over the living room, bed linen has to be changed, and there are stains on the tablecloth and curtains from the kids. Once a child knocked a vase off the windowsill we had to sweep up the soil, wash the floor, and replant the flower. They also manage to jam doors and scratch door handles.
Those are the kids, and you cant keep an eye on every one of them, nor can you punish other peoples children. Their parents are often chatting with other relatives or friends, so the responsibility falls on the host.
So I end up not only cooking but also restoring the whole house to its original state.
Guests also tend to pry into our family life. I never do a load of laundry even underwear when I know visitors are coming, and I stash anything I dont want seen in cupboards. Yet theyll still ask to open the cupboard and examine its contents. Some even scrutinise the kitchen as if they were inspectors, which feels like a violation of my private space. Our flat is modest, filled with a few pieces of furniture, a couple of vases, and hanging plants that guests constantly pluck a sprig from to take home.
At first I wondered whether I was the problem that perhaps Im the kind of host who makes guests feel unwelcome. But after watching how many people turned up and how exhausted I felt, I realised I simply dont want to waste my strength and energy on cooking and then scrubbing everything clean again. Id rather meet friends for a coffee, go for a walk, and return to a tidy house.
Sometimes the kindest hospitality is to keep your home simple and your schedule light, because a calm mind and a clean space are the best gifts you can offer yourself and the people you love.
