Dear Margaret,
Im writing to thank you for the lesson I learned while I was married to your son, James, and to tell you that Im sending him back to you.
Im sorry I cant call you Mum as I had hoped when we first met and when James proposed. Of course I wanted to settle down; all my close friends were already married and I watched them with envy as they lived with their husbands, caring for one another, showing respect and love.
I dreamed of a household where a man would always be by my side, where I could lean on him, where children would grow up and we would look after them together. I also wanted to care for my husband, to make him feel my love, to be able to talk to him about anything.
When I first saw how you treated James, I thought youd raised a man who belonged in my life. Before the wedding you said something that painted the picture of what lay ahead for me. You may have forgotten it, but I still remember it and regret that I didnt give your words the weight they deserved. You said: My son is used to looking after just one woman. That short sentence summed up the way youd moulded James from childhood.
James would never refuse a trip to the chemist for your tablets, even though the shop is only a few steps from your front door and buying the medicine isnt difficult. If you have a squeaky front door, my husband will rush to oil it, so you wont have to worry about such a serious problem. The fact that every door in our flat creaks in different tones never bothered him, just as the sagging wardrobe doors did not.
When James drove me home, instead of taking you for a stroll through the park, you made a scene, accusing me of being heartless, lazy and accustomed to a comfortable life. And why not? Its genuinely easier to travel by car than by train, and lugging heavy suitcases yourself isnt the best idea either. Yet you seemed to crave a breath of fresh air.
James is a wonderful son. When you couldnt sleep and, in the middle of the night, shared your malaise with him, without thinking of the fact that we both had to work the next morning, he hurried for a cab because hed had a little to drink the evening before and didnt want to risk his licence. Instead of thanking him, you said there was nothing wrong with abstaining from a drink with his wife if his mother might need help at night. Of course you can abstain from everything, not just alcohol, because he is your son and I am just his wife.
Congratulations on not giving me any ground in the relationship with your son, though its absurd to share a man. You dont want to share him with anyone.
Thank God we have no children. They would have noticed straight away, but they also wouldnt have dared ask for their fathers time, because Grandma takes precedence. Your caring son didnt support me even when I truly needed it; my friend stepped in, understanding that depression would bring me no good. I had hoped for at least a few words of support, compassion and understanding from James, but instead he once again rushed to help you.
Yes, I admit I lost; I could not become for him what you are, despite my best efforts. Its a shame all that effort went unnoticed by James. He is truly in love with one woman you. The loving words he uttered to me were merely a formality, a protocol between fiancés.
I want to be needed by a man, not a shiny, perfect husband who arranges everything in a strict order as your son does, not one who sometimes comes home after a night out with workmates, something James would never allow himself. Most importantly, I wanted him to need me, to worry about my failures, to rejoice in my successes.
Im relieved to realise that James will never be that kind of person. We never had children, because you dont need strong emotions; James guarded your heart, yours and nobody elses. That very economy drove me to consider pregnancy. Now I have another man in my life and a little boy who will be born in three months.
I promise to raise that boy to be a proper gentleman, but not in the way you define the term. Thank you for the experience I gained in my marriage to your son. I am returning him to you, just as healthy, caring and attentive as ever. May you both be happy.
Your former daughterinlaw.
