I often think back to those bleak days, remembering how my husband, John Whitaker, abandoned me for another woman. When he later suffered a terrible accident, my motherinlaw insisted that I must take him back into the family.
John had walked out of our home a year earlier. He simply announced that he had met someone else, that he loved her, and that he had grown tired of me, probably never having truly loved me at all. He claimed that now he felt real affection and wanted a proper family.
He never considered that I could not return to work, because our youngest son, Sam, was only one and a half years old. Our elder boy, Luke, attended a local nursery, and we barely had enough to keep a roof over our heads. The only close kin I had was my sister, Emily, who lived in Birmingham.
Dont fret, youll manage, my motherinlaw, Mrs. Thompson, had said. The flat is yours, so at least youll have a roof over your head. Be grateful that my son is still paying you maintenance. She reminded me that he did indeed pay exactly a quarter of his declared wages.
John never filed for divorce, and I simply didnt have the time. Two small children, a freelance job just to scrape a little income, and the endless strain of everything.
My motherinlaw visited the grandchildren once a month, sometimes bringing a basket of apples or pears.
The father of my children took no part in their upbringing. He declared that he would now have other children of his own.
Thus we survived a whole year, my children and I, fighting for each day.
At the end of that year a place opened up at the nursery, and Sam was taken in. I could finally return to work, and things eased a little.
One day, John will be a father again, Mrs. Thompson announced over the telephone, her voice bright with excitement. Make sure you file the divorce quickly; I dont want my grandchild to be born out of wedlock. I learned that Johns new partner was already eight weeks pregnant, so I promptly lodged the divorce papers.
A week later John was involved in a serious road crash. He loved speed and daring overtakes and this time his luck ran out.
The car we had bought together during our marriage was a total wreck, and John lay in hospital with a multitude of injuries. The doctors feared he might never walk again.
Mrs. Thompson wept on the phone. I felt some sympathy for her, for John was still, in a way, my husband. Yet her demand shocked me:
You must collect John from the hospital and look after him, she said.
Me? Why me? I asked, stunned.
Youre his wife; youre not divorced yet, she replied. His lover terminated her pregnancy yesterday. She doesnt want a child with a crippled father. And you, as his wife, are responsible!
The divorce was indeed still pending, the court hearing having been postponed because of his hospitalization.
I told my motherinlaw that my duties as a wife ended the moment her son left us without regard. For a year he had cared for neither me nor the children.
He abandoned me and cheated on us, I said. That we are still legally married is a sad coincidence I will soon settle. John still has his mother, who dotes on him.
You expect me to tend to my son? she snapped. I finished caring for him when he was a child. Now it falls to his wife! You are heartless and ungrateful. Ill tell my grandchildren that their mother fled their father when he became disabled.
It now looks as if I were the one who left not he a year ago.
In the end Mrs. Thompson fetched John from the hospital herself. He is recovering slowly, and the doctors are no longer as pessimistic. Our divorce was finally finalized.
Meanwhile, my former motherinlaw spreads the tale across Bristol:
Now I must look after my sick son in my old age! His wife abandoned him, the children too! What kind of women are these nowadays? As long as a man is healthy and earns, hes welcome. But the moment hes disabled, hes cast aside!
And many people nod in agreement, shaking their heads with feigned compassion. Yet it was John who walked out while he was still able.
A friend has urged me to sell the flat and move far away. My sister in Birmingham has offered me a place. I think I will accept her invitation.
What would you have done in my shoes?
