Emilys mother raises her alone, and for as long as Emily can remember she has been a loveless daughter. She feels that lack of love from the earliest days. No one punishes her without reason; she is always fed and wellclothed. Even the toys she asks for are bought. Yet the indifference from her mother cuts her straight to the skin, a weight pressing on her heart.
Emily grows into a gentle, very sociable child, constantly trying to win her mothers attentionkissing her, cuddling, hugging. But the woman dismisses the little girl coldly and goes on with her own business. She never embraces or kisses Emily.
Among neighbours and at school the family enjoys a good reputation. Emilys mother attends every parents meeting, keeps an eye on her daughters health, drives her to the seaside in Brighton and even takes her to the circus in London. Only Emily knows that all these gestures are dutybound, without soul, warmth, or a smile. She works hard to earn praise, studies at the top of her class, and behaves impeccably.
Yet everyone except her own mother praises her.
As a child she naïvely thinks this is normal, that all families are like this. Growing up, she sees other children who are loved, praised, scolded, and disciplined. They receive any kind of reaction. Emily begins to wonder, to search for a cause, and thinks she finds it.
She barely knows her father. In her memory he is a tall man with large hands and a kind smile. He would toss Emily high into the air, catch her, spin her around, and they would laugh together. Their laughter sounds the same, their looks are almost identical. Emily feels she has inherited his features perfectly. Under her bed, a faded photograph of her father holding a oneyearold Emily has been hidden for years. As she matures, she becomes more and more like him. Probably Mum is just holding a deep grudge against Dad, she tells herself. She looks at me and is angry
Her mother often watches Emily with a long, silent, sorrowful stare, saying nothing. Her father left when Emily was three; since then only child support payments remind her that he exists, lives, works yet he never thinks of his daughter. Emily has long forgiven him.
It is baffling why she holds the resentment toward her mother. Outwardly she seems to accept the treatment, but inside the bitterness swells into a cold, heavy block that squeezes her heart with icy pressure.
* * *
The day of the final school bell arrives. Emily, in a white lace apricot dress, scans the crowd for her mother, who only appears at the opening ceremony, receives the headmasters thanks for raising such a wellbehaved child, and then melts into the throng. Emily watches, envious, as other parents hug their kids, pose for photos, and she struggles to hold back tears of hurt.
Then university admission comes. Emily feels proudgetting a place on a fully funded spot in such a competitive entrance is almost impossible, yet she does it. Her mother receives the news calmly, without a smile, without any hint of pride. She merely asks whether there is a dormitory and where Emily will live during her studies.
Releasing her anger, Emily packs her things, moves first to a friends flat and then secures a spot in the university hall of residence.
* * *
Years pass, and the relationship between Emily and her mother nearly vanishes, which perplexes Emilys husband, Mark, and her motherinlaw, Mrs. Clarke, who has become Emilys true family. Emilys own mother does not attend the wedding; she only sends a respectable sum of money and a dry greeting card.
Mrs. Clarke teaches Emily all the tricks of running a household and, more importantly, shows her love. They spend evenings sipping tea in the kitchen, chatting about everything. The woman can simply walk over, hug, and genuinely console Emily. Within a month of the wedding, Emily begins calling her Mum.
Emilys birth mother seems to have evaporated, content with the solitude she finally enjoys. She never initiates a call, never visits when Emily and Mark leave the hospital after their sons birth. Even the baby pictures Emily sends go unread; she never opens her daughters messages. Emily keeps silent, but often weeps quietly in the bathroom at night. Mrs. Clarke sees it all, notices the reddened eyes and swollen face of her daughterinlaw, and sighs heavily.
When Emily, Mark, and their little grandson travel to wish her mother a birthday, she takes the present, thanks them dryly, and slams the door in their faces, refusing to let the young couple cross the threshold. Mrs. Clarke, a warm and caring woman, decides to right the wrong. She gathers her resolve and goes to Emilys mother herself, determined to talk, no matter what.
There the whole truth emerges.
* * *
Emilys father, Greg, turns to a life of crime almost immediately after the wedding. Yet Emilys young wife has no desire to ruin her family. After a monthslong binge, Greg returns home cradling a baby. One of his mistresses could not survive childbirth, and he, as a father, brings the child into his legal wifes home.
What Emily feels is beyond words. Raising a child born to another woman, a man she still loves, is incredibly hard. Loving that child sincerely, from the heart, is even harder. She tries honestly and almost succeeds, but Greg ultimately disappears, leaving behind a useless daughter as a reminder of his betrayal.
What does a young woman do with a child left alone? Put the baby in a childrens home and try to rebuild her own life? Have more children of her own? What will people think? Terrified of judgment, she abandons Emily, sacrificing her personal happiness.
She spends her whole life trying to love the girl, but every time she looks at her faceso like the face of the treacherous husbandshe realizes she still loves him, while the girl is merely a sad copy of him.
* * *
When Mrs. Clarke returns home, Emily and the baby are already asleep, curled together on the wide family bed. Mark is away on business, and the little one has happily moved into the parents room.
Mrs. Clarke quietly sits on the edge of the bed and watches these dear people for a long while. She pulls a blanket over the grandson, gently smooths Emilys disheveled hair
How should she tell the story? Does she even need to reveal the whole truth?
Emily feels a foreign hand on her, opens her sleepy eyes, and looks at the woman.
Sleep, my dear, sleep, the motherinlaw whispers, planting a soft kiss on Emilys forehead before slipping out and closing the door behind her.
