Victor stood on the doorstep, the man Eleanor had divorced four years earlier twice her exhusband, in fact. In his hands he clutched a bouquet of white roses, and on his face wore the same grin that had once made her twentytwoyearold heart skip a beat.
Eleanor, Im back, he declared with the pomp of someone announcing a victory. Ive realised I made a colossal mistake. Youre the best woman Ive ever known.
Eleanor raised an eyebrow, stepped aside and let him into the hallway. Well, Victor, what a surprise, she said, smiling thinly. Come in, but do take your shoes off Im not about to let you trample over my welcome mat again.
Victor waited for an embrace, tears of joy, perhaps even a scolding he could graciously forgive. Instead, Eleanor turned back to the kitchen and continued her breakfast, not even offering him a seat.
How are you, Victor? she asked, calmly chopping an omelette. Did the latest loveaffair chase you out, or did you decide to look for a temporary refuge on your own?
Victor tasted his own bewilderment. In the four years since theyd split, Eleanor had mastered staying unflappable when the chips were down. He remembered her as a bright, forgiving twentysomething, not as the thirtysixyearold, steeleyed woman now perched across from his plate.
Eleanor, I want to rebuild our family, Victor said, laying the roses beside her plate. Ive spent the past years drifting like a ship without a compass. I finally see my place is here, with you and the kids.
Interesting, Eleanor said, sipping her coffee. Whats changed? Did your innate talent for disappearing at the worst possible moment finally grow a conscience?
Im serious! Victor protested. I want to be with you, to look after the children, to look after you. You can see I came with flowers and an open heart.
An open heart and an empty wallet, as usual? Eleanor replied with a teasing lilt, then softened. Anyway, have a seat. Want some coffee? Or are you on some new findyourself diet?
Ten years earlier, a young Eleanor had been studying economics at a teachertraining college in Manchester when she first met Victor at a student disco. He was three years older, working as a security guard in a shopping centre, and seemed impossibly grownup and independent.
Marry me, he had said after two months of dating. Why waste time? I know youre the one.
Victor, we barely know each other, Eleanor had hesitated.
Whats there to know? he grinned, kissing her hand. Love isnt arithmetic, love. No need to do the maths.
Blinded by romance, Eleanor agreed. Victor rented a onebed flat for them after the wedding. She juggled university and nighttime translation gigs to pay the rent, while Victor scraped together pennies and constantly complained about his boss.
Listen, Eleanor, he would say, slumped on the sofa after yet another layoff, Im a creative soul. I need a job that lets me express myself. These greyoffice drones just dont get me.
Right you are, dear, Eleanor would reply, balancing the family budget. While you find yourself, Ill work double. No big deal.
After finishing her degree, Eleanor aimed for a bank job her shiny red diploma and language skills were promising. But she discovered she was pregnant. Their son, Christopher, arrived when she was twentythree; a year and a half later, daughter Sophie was born.
Children are a blessing, Victor cooed, rocking Sophie. Money will come. The important thing is love in the house.
Youre right, love, Eleanor answered, mentally calculating the utility bill. Kids are priority. Everything else will sort itself out.
Most of the income, however, came from Eleanor. Even with two toddlers, she kept a freelance translation business, taught English on Skype, and wrote articles. Victor, meanwhile, hopped between five jobs in four years, each time finding a new excuse for a low salary.
Eleanor, I cant work where my soul isnt happy. It kills me inside, he would philosophise. Better to earn less than to lose my inner peace.
Surely, Eleanor, exhausted, would agree. Inner peace is priceless. The rest will fall into place.
When Christopher turned four and started nursery, Victor suddenly announced, Eleanor, Im emotionally burnt out. I need freedom to find myself. Im filing for divorce.
What does find myself even mean? Eleanor blurted, stunned. We have two kids, a mortgage Victor, what are you talking about?
I need time to think, dear. This routine is choking me. Im asking for a split of assets. Half the flat is mine.
But I bought that flat! Eleanor protested. I took out the mortgage, Ive been paying it!
Were a married couple, Victor shrugged. Everything acquired in marriage is shared equally. Thats the law, love.
Realising she might end up on the street, Eleanor remembered their twobedroom newbuild flat was all they owned. She had to borrow from friends and take a second loan to buy Victors share. Her retired mother, a schoolteacher, could offer no financial help.
Sweetheart, she whispered into the phone, if I had the money, Id give it all away. My mums pension is a joke, and that wretch how could he do this to his own children?
Dont worry, Mum, Eleanor soothed her mother.
The court ordered maintenance. Victor paid dutifully for two years, then vanished no birthdays, no New Year cards, just a ghost.
A month after the divorce, Michael, a former classmate of Victors and an old friend of Eleanors, knocked on her front door with a bunch of daisies.
Eleanor, Ive always loved you, he confessed, I know its terrible timing, but will you marry me? Im not scared of the kids Ill love them as my own.
Michael, youre a wonderful man, Eleanor sighed, but I cant take advantage of your kindness. You deserve someone who loves you wholeheartedly, not someone whos grateful for a rescue.
Michael was a decent, wellpaid programmer, but Eleanor only felt gratitude towards him, not love.
Mike, youre great, but Im not ready, she said gently. Can we stay friends? That means a lot to me.
Ill wait, he replied, hopeful. As long as it takes.
Dont waste your best years on me, she smiled sadly. Find a woman who instantly gets how lucky she is to have you.
For two years Eleanor ran a household of three, working tirelessly. She completed further qualifications and began tutoring economics online, which helped clear most of the mortgage. Michael offered financial help several times, but she always declined she didnt want to be indebted.
Eleanor, whats wrong with a little pride? Michael pleaded. Were friends.
Exactly because were friends I wont ruin our relationship with money, she answered. Your friendship means more to me than any cash.
Then Victor reappeared, kneeling in her living room.
Ive spent the last two years as a hermit, he announced, Ive had time to think. I realise family is what matters, children are my purpose, and true love only happens once.
Where have you been all this time? Eleanor asked, eyes narrowed.
Ive been renting a room, trying to rebuild myself. Im ready to be a proper husband and dad.
Their children twelveyearold Christopher and tenyearold Sophie rushed into his arms, remembering the dad who used to play hideandseek and read bedtime stories. Eleanor, however, had never told them about his sudden departures.
Dad, youre not going anywhere now? Sophie asked, snuggling.
Never, princess, Victor replied, finally understanding his place was beside his family.
Eleanor finally gave in. After four years of solitary struggle, sleepless nights, and endless pleas from her kids, she signed the marriage register at the local registry office.
Why the official paperwork? Michael asked when she broke the news. Isnt living together enough?
Victor insists, Eleanor explained. He wants to prove his seriousness. Id like to believe it too.
My dear, a man whos fled once doesnt inspire confidence, Michael warned. Give us a chance, please.
Eleanors mother, a cautious but supportive figure, warned, Sweetheart, a man who once chased freedom never truly forgets it. Be careful.
Not all men are the same, Eleanor replied. Victor is genuinely remorseful.
For three seemingly perfect years, Victor behaved like a model husband and dad. He renovated the house, shuttled the kids to activities, even took them on a seaside holiday to the French Riviera. He continued paying courtordered maintenance, though occasionally suggested cancelling it.
Dont waste it, her mother advised. Put it into the childrens savings. A financial cushion never hurts.
Mom, youre too mistrusting, Eleanor retorted. Victor has proven he can be reliable.
Time, however, proved fickle. One day Victor declared, Im filing for divorce again. Married life suffocates me. I need space to create.
What are you on about? Eleanor gasped. You just swore youd changed.
I thought Id changed, but family feels like a cage. Im an artist; I need room to breathe.
The artist I know works as a site manager for a construction firm! Eleanor snapped.
Your soul wants to fly, and with you I become just another office drone, he replied.
The second divorce hit Eleanor harder than the first. This time she wasnt a naïve girl; she was a woman who had finally believed in happiness, only to be knocked flat. When Victor came to collect his things, she hurled his suitcase down the stairwell.
Get out and never come back! she shouted, her voice sounding foreign even to herself.
Dont make a scene! The neighbours will hear! Victor hissed, scrambling for his belongings.
Youre a monster! Youve abandoned the kids twice! she yelled.
Victor tried to claim hed still pay child support, but Eleanor reminded him of the long silence after the first split.
Did you ever call after the first divorce? she asked. Zero times!
He attempted to sue for repair costs and a family holiday, but lost. The children were once again left fatherless, and Eleanor no longer hid her contempt.
Will dad ever live with us again? nineyearold Christopher asked.
No, love, she replied. He chose his freedom over us.
Is he a bad person? sevenyearold Sophie inquired.
No, darling. He just cant keep his promises.
Six months later Michael returned, offering yet another proposal.
Eleanor, enough of this misery. Marry me. Ive loved you for over ten years, he pleaded.
Mike, not now, Eleanor snapped. I no longer trust any man. Youre all the same.
Its unfair, Michael protested. I never let you down.
Until when? she countered. What if you chase freedom tomorrow, too?
He finally revealed a secret: When Victor first left, he lived with a lover named Valentina. She dumped him after two years, and thats when he came back to you. Now hes with another woman, Maria.
How do you know that? Eleanor asked, stunned.
We were friends. He bragged about it, Michael replied. For him, your flat and family are just a stopover between mistresses. Hell return again.
Eleanor threw him out, but his words lingered like a stubborn stain. Her friend Gill, to whom she confided, defended Michael.
Maybe hes right, Gill said. You said Victor always returned just when you started getting your finances in order. Dont be foolish and repeat the same mistake.
Eleanors mother warned, Dont be silly, love. Two departures, two returns thats too much for any genuine love.
Eleanor shrugged, I dont know anything about men any more.
Victors third reappearance didnt catch her offguard. Four years of solitude had taught her a lot, and Michaels warning now felt prophetic.
Whats changed? Victor asked, hoping for a softer reaction. Eleanor, I realise life without you is meaningless. Youre the only woman Ive ever truly loved.
Nice theory, Eleanor said, finishing her coffee and placing the mug in the sink. I thought youd gone to Maria. Did she kick you out like Valentina did?
Victor froze. He hadnt expected Eleanor to know his lovelife details.
Never mind where it came from, Eleanor continued. What matters is that I now see the truth behind your selfsearches. The kids are twelve and ten; theyve learned to survive without a dad who shows up once every few years with a bouquet.
Ill do anything! Victor blurted, pulling out his phone. Whatever you want, whatever conditions you set. Look!
A notification popped up: a transfer of £8,300.
This proves Im serious, Victor announced proudly. I want to rebuild the family, provide for the children, make you happy.
Eleanor stared at the amount and laughed. You really think you can buy me off? Im not sitting here waiting for you to stroll back with a wad of cash.
But you still love me, dont you? Victor shouted. Youre scared to trust anyone else!
Oh, youre a regular Shakespeare, Eleanor retorted, leaning back. Ive already turned down Michaels proposals several times. Hes a good, decent bloke.
Victors tone turned hostile. And you think Michaels the better man? Youve been juggling him behind my back while I was trying to find you!
Enough, Eleanor said calmly. Youre no longer my husband, Victor. Leave my life, and especially my childrens, alone.
Victors face twisted with rage. Michael? That pitiful worm whos been in love with you forever! So youve been having an affair with him while I was searching for you?
She answered coolly, Im not interested in your moralizing, Victor. Youve had three marriages, three mistresses are you calling them spiritual quests? No, you just used them to avoid commitment.
Victor implored, I was looking for you! I tried to forget, but I couldnt!
Romantic, truly, Eleanor replied, dripping irony. Youre as saintly as Saint Anthony in the desert.
Realising hed lost his leverage, Victor tried again, this time offering another £6,600.
This is everything I have even my creditcard debt. Ill give you every penny because I believe we can start over.
Eleanor checked the balance, nodded, and said, Thanks. The money will go to the kids education. Its just the amount we needed for tutors.
Victor beamed, So youll take it?
She smiled, Ill take the money. Now get out, and dont ever return.
What?! Victor shouted, stunned. I gave you almost half a million pounds! I put everything on the card!
No one asked for it, love, Eleanor said nonchalantly. That was your initiative. Get out of my house.
Victor, humiliated, left. The children hated him, his exwife treated him like a persistent beggar, and his pockets were empty.
Soon after, Eleanors daughter, Sophie, walked in.
Mum, whats happening? she asked, eyeing Victor.
This is your father, love, Eleanor replied.
Sophie rolled her eyes. Great, hes back playing dad again?
Eleanor snapped, Dont call him dad, Sophie. Thats not how you speak about him.
Sophie huffed, Whats there to feel sorry for? He left us twice! You worked nights to buy food! And now he shows up like nothing happened!
Eleanor soothed her, Calm down, sweetheart.
Let him know we remember! Sophie cried. You think weve forgotten your tears?
In the hallway, Christopher, now twelve, appeared, looking just like his mother.
Whats all this shouting? he asked, but his expression hardened when he saw Victor. So the dads back again.
Eleanor warned him, Dont be rude, Christopher.
He retorted, Whats rude about it? Hes the dad, only when it suits him. Period.
Eleanor sternly said, Enough, children.
Christopher shouted, No, Mum! He needs to know we hate him! You think weve forgotten when you were in hospital and had no money for treatment? You werent there!
Eleanor tried to intervene, Hes your father, he has a right to see his kids!
Christopher snarled, Your right? Where was it when Mum was sick? You were busy hunting yourself in aunties arms.
Eleanor finally shouted, Christopher, thats enough!
The argument erupted into chaos, but Eleanor finally gathered the kids and said, See? The children love a father who shows up, not one who vanishes.
Victor, redfaced, shouted, Youve trained them against me!
Eleanor coldly replied, I didnt need to train them. They remember everything themselves. Now get out, forever.
Victor pleaded, Stay! Ive changed! Give me a chance!
She smiled sardonically, Youve used up all your chances, and your money, tooAnd as Victor vanished down the street, Eleanor closed the door, smiled at her resilient children, and finally felt the peace that had long eluded her.
