My brother Jeremy married six years ago, and since then, neither I nor our parents have set foot in their home. Every holiday, birthday, and family gathering inevitably takes place at our parents spacious house on the outskirts of London. Mum cooks mountains of food, sets the table, and still packs Tupperware containers full of homemade meat pies and salads for Jeremy and his wife, Emily, to take home.
When Jeremy was newly married, Emilys birthday came a few months later. Mum, brimming with enthusiasm, decided to plan a surprise: we bought a cake, picked out a lovely gift, and intended to drop by. Mum called Emily to let her know, but she answered coldly, saying she hadnt planned anything. Mum, unwilling to give up, insisted:
*”Well only pop in for a cuppa and a slice of cake! You dont have to lift a finger, love!”*
In the end, we went anyway. But instead of a warm welcome, we were met with shock: Emily came out to the pavement, muttering something about the flat being *”a mess”* and refused to let us step inside. Baffled, we handed her the cake and gift right there in the hallway and drove back home. Since then, Mum hosts every celebration, and we try to forget that awkward moment.
Emily once told our parents bluntly:
*”Youve got a big houseplenty of room for guests! We live in a one-bed flat; how are we supposed to host anyone?”*
I had to bite my tongue to keep from snapping. Couldnt she at least welcome her in-laws and her husbands sister in a small flat? Its not a crowdjust three people! But we stayed quiet to keep the peace.
Now Emily is five months pregnant. Its our parents first grandchild, and Mum is over the moon. She calls Jeremy constantly, asking how Emily is, if she needs help. But recently, we learned Emily quit her job early in the pregnancy. Mum panicked:
*”Is she unwell? Does she need my help?”*
Jeremy reassured her: Emily was fine, just *”taking it easy.”* We were confused. Jeremy and Emily always lived largefancy restaurants, holidays abroad, designer clothes. They dont pay a mortgagethe flat was inherited from Emilys granso they spent all their money on luxuries. But now, without her income, their usual lifestyle is wobbling. Jeremy tried explaining they needed to budget, but Emily refuses to cut back.
She admitted she quit over fears of *”catching something at work.”* Understandable, but now their finances are stretched thin, and she still expects the same lavish comforts. Then, in the middle of all this, Jeremy suddenly invited us overfor his birthday! We and our parents were stunned. Dad even joked:
*”Will we finally see if my daughter-in-law can cook?”*
Mum was thrilled, looking forward to a cosy evening. I rang Emily to sort the details, but instead of a normal chat, I got hysterics. She sobbed into the phone, insisting she didnt want us there:
*”Ill have to clean the flat, cook dinner! Im pregnantits too much!”*
I tried calming her:
*”Em, keep it simple. Roast some potatoes, toss a salad, stick a chicken in the ovendone. Well bring the cake. Its just five of us. Whats the issue?”*
I even offered to order takeaway to spare her the effort. But Emily kept whining about having to mop and tidy. I lost patience:
*”Its a one-bed flat! Is cleaning really such a mountain to climb? Do you only mop when guests come?”*
Finally, I laid it out:
*”If you really dont want us, we wont come. Well ring Jeremy to wish him happy birthday, and thats that.”*
I told Mum, and she agreed. When we explained it to Jeremy, he exploded:
*”Emily doesnt workshe sits at home all day! Cant she at least cook dinner and tidy up? Youre coming, full stop! We cant afford a cleaner or takeaway, so shell bloody well manage!”*
His words hung in the air like thunder. By the end, we were all rowing. Any excitement about Jeremys birthday had vanished. The thought of enduring Emilys sulking face, her theatrical sighs and eye-rollsits no fun. We dont want to feel like intruders in our own brother and sons home.
Yet it breaks our hearts to hurt Jeremy. Hes been so looking forward to this, finally having the family under his roof! How can we just not show up? Its his day, and hes not to blame for his wifes moods. Were torn: swallow our frustration and go, risking a miserable evening, or cancel and crush him. The situation feels hopeless, each choice dragging us deeper into this family storm. What do you do when love for your brother clashes with dislike for his wife? We have no answers, but times running outa decision must be made.
