Why should I pity you? You never pitied me, Ellie answers.
In the past year her mother has been ill a lot. When the mother is in hospital, Ellie stays at home with her stepfather, Mike.
Mike, as usual, works long hours: he leaves the house at seven in the morning and returns around eight in the evening, so Ellie practically lives on her own.
Mike gives her a little allowance so she can buy a lunch at school. With the rest of the money she buys pasta, buckwheat, potatoes, sometimes cheap sausages, and makes a simple dinner from these items.
At the end of November Ellie comes home from school and finds Mike sitting in the kitchen, elbows on his knees, staring at the floor. When she enters, he lifts his head and says:
Ellie, theres no mother left for us.
She says nothing and walks to her bedroom. She is thirteen and knows that this disease rarely lets people live long, yet she still hopes her mother will survive.
Together they had planned that Ellie would finish Year9 and go to a medical college. Her mother used to say Ellie would become a wonderful nurse.
Youll be better off working with children, love youre kind, and sick children need kindness.
Ellie does not cry; she just watches the bare birch branches growing outside her window. Suddenly she feels very alone, as if there were no stepfather, no relatives, no school friendsonly an emptiness that fills everything around her.
The next day her mothers sisters arrive: Aunt Vera, Aunt Valerie, and Aunt Susan, who live in the county. The aunts move around the flat, chat, pull out their mothers belongings from the wardrobe, and then spend the whole evening cooking in the kitchen.
Ellie stays in her room. Aunt Vera brings a plate of potatoes and a mince patty, but Ellie does not touch it.
Three other women and two men, whom Ellie has never seen before, also attend the funeral.
At the table they immediately start arguing about what to do with Ellie.
Mike speaks first:
We werent married to Kate, we just lived together, so Im not responsible for the girl. We have to empty this flat in two weeks a onebedroom isnt enough for me, Ill find something smaller. So, relatives, decide who will take Ellie in.
Silence falls. All three sisters of the deceased and the two aunts look at each other without saying a word.
Finally one aunt says:
What do you think? Kate was your sister, Vera, so you should raise her daughter.
Does it matter that shes family? Kate and I only called each other on birthdays and New Years. I dont even know whose child she is. Besides, I have three boys of my own; I have nowhere to put another.
Maybe you, Susan, could take her? asks Valerie. Youre worried about money, but theres a state allowance for Ellie because her mother died, and youd get a small caregiver wage. Your own daughter, Christie, is twelve, so two of you could look after her.
No! Paul and I have just moved in together. I told Christie to keep quiet, and now you want to force a stranger on me.
No, I dont need any money, says Susan. Why dont you, Valerie, take Ellie yourself?
Im disabled they wont let me, Valerie answers, and Im older than you, so caring for a child would be hard for me.
They disperse without deciding Ellies fate. She sits in the next room and hears the relatives bargaining.
She realizes none of her mothers sisters show any interest in her. As they dress in the hallway, Aunt Susan says:
If this flat werent rented, we could have arranged something, but now youll lose more than you gain, especially with all the inspections.
By the time the flat must be vacated, Ellies future is decided: she is placed in a local childrens home.
Handing her over to the care staff, Mike says goodbye:
Dont hold a grudge against me; our paths now diverge.
On her first day at the home a tall girl with a thick curl of hair approaches:
Are you new? she asks. Whats your name?
Ellie, she replies.
Dont worry. It isnt so bad here. We have decent carers and some who couldnt care less, but none that are truly cruel.
Its only hard when youre alone, the new girl says. Ive been here a month; lets stick togetheritll be easier. My name is Lucy.
Are your parents dead too? Ellie asks.
No, theyre alive, but soon theyll probably be gone. Their parental rights were taken away and the four of us were brought here me and my three brothers.
Lucky you have brothers, Ellie says.
Lucky? The youngest, Wolf, is harmless, but the two older ones have beaten me all my life, forced me to cook and wash when mother couldt stand.
How old are you? Ellie asks.
Thirteen, just turned three months ago.
I thought you were older.
No, everyone in my family is tall granddad, dad, brothers.
Lucy and Ellie stay together until they finish Year9.
In that final year they often talk about their future.
Id like to get into a medical college, Ellie says one day. Mom and I dreamed of that. I just dont know if itll happen.
How could it not? Lucy replies. You get As in chemistry and biology, and maybe a couple of Bs in your certificate. Plus we have benefits, though youd get in without them too.
Did you decide to become a chef? Ellie asks.
A pastry chef. I want to bake cakes and tarts that are as light as clouds, Lucy says.
Remember when Nat, the choir teacher, took us to that vocal competition? We won and were on TV, Ellie recalls.
Yes, then we went to a café and Nat bought us coffee and pastries. Those cakes had such airy frosting.
Ellie enters the medical college and becomes one of the top students in her year. In her final term the college grants her a small flat with basic fittings.
She is thrilled after years in the childrens home and a dormitory, she finally has a room she doesnt have to share, her own kitchen and bathroom.
She tries to make the flat cosy: hangs light curtains, puts a flowering geranium on the windowsill, lays a bright tablecloth on the kitchen table, buys two redandwhitespotted pots, and adds a few more pieces of crockery.
The flat looks modest, but its livable.
One afternoon, after her classes end, Ellie heads to the wardrobe to change before going to the childrens hospital where she works parttime as a ward assistant. Someone calls her name.
Its Aunt Susan, her mothers cousin, the same woman who once refused to take her in so that Ellie wouldnt disturb her familys happiness.
Ellie, hello! Do you remember me?
I do. Youre my mothers cousin.
I hadnt realised you were still studying. Imagine, Christie told me by chance that a girl named Ellie Ponomaryova won a competition at your college!
There are many Ponomaryovs, but the name Ellie isnt common. I came to check that were related, Susan explains.
Im late for work, Ellie says, moving toward the door.
Susan walks beside her, continuing:
I heard youve been given a flat. I have a small favour: Christie is only in her second year, she still has two years left, and the dorm neighbours are rather troublesome. Could she stay with you until she finishes college? Wed pay half the rent and bring groceries. Would you agree?
No, I cant, Ellie replies.
But youve always been a good girl! Dont you feel sorry for your sister?
Im not the sweet girl I used to be, and I dont feel sorry for Christie! Didnt you all think it was cruel to send me to a childrens home?
Why should I pity you now? Ive lived in the childrens home, in the dorm, and Ive survived. Christie will survive too.
They reach the bus stop. Ellie boards the bus, the doors shut, and Susan watches it pull away for a few minutes before turning and walking back. As they say, You reap what you sow.
