Robert was roused by the sharp ring of the doorbell. Across the bed, his wife stirred. He brushed a gentle hand over her shoulder. “Go back to sleep, love. Ill see to it,” he murmured, padding softly to the door. “Who on earth could it be at this hour?”
When he opened the door, there stood his Aunt Agatha, clutching a large suitcase. Behind her, his Uncle Albert shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.
“My dear nephew!” Aunt Agatha trilled. “Arent you pleased to see me? Come, give your old aunt a proper hug!” She seized Roberts arm as if she meant to smother him in her embrace.
“So much for peace,” Robert thought ruefully, hauling her luggage down the hall.
The rest of the night was chaos. Aunt Agatha refused the sofa, declaring it dreadfully uncomfortable, then suggested her nephew might put her to bed himself.
Roberts wife, Eleanor, stood dumbfounded. Barely an hour had passed since the aunts arrival, and already the flat had been turned upside down. At last, everyone retiredAunt Agatha and Uncle Albert claimed the bed, while Robert and Eleanor took the sofa.
“How long do you suppose theyll stay?” Eleanor whispered the next morning, setting breakfast before him.
“Hard to say. Ill ask when I return from work.”
Eleanor listened tensely to the snores from the bedroom, then said, “Robert, they frighten me. Couldnt you come home early today?”
“Ill try,” he replied before slipping out.
When Robert returned that evening, an elaborately set table awaited him.
“Come in, dear boy! Were celebrating our reunion!” Aunt Agatha called from the kitchen.
Eleanor caught his arm, whispering, “Im so glad youre back.”
They settled at the table.
“Aunt Agatha, how long has it been since your last visit?” Robert ventured.
“Already eager to be rid of us? Listen heredo we wear out our welcome?” she grumbled to Uncle Albert.
“Auntie, what are you on about? Youre welcome as long as you like!” Robert said, bewildered.
“Oh, we mean to stay, Robertforever. Weve sold our flat. Youre all the family weve left. You wouldnt toss your dear aunt into the streets, would you? Surely you can bear us for what little time remains?” She dabbed theatrically at a tear.
Roberts jaw dropped. Eleanor burst into tears and fled.
An uneasy silence settled over the room. Uncle Albert continued calmly eating his salad.
“And why must you always be so silent?” Aunt Agatha snapped at him. “All you do is eat. Must you think only of your plate? Say something!”
“Quite right, my dear,” said Uncle Albert.
“Youre hopeless!” Aunt Agatha cried. “Its always the same. I make every decision in this family, and he just agrees. What sort of man is that?” She turned to Robert. “Are you happy, nephew?”
“You may stay as long as you wish!” Robert saidjust as Eleanors sobs echoed from the hallway.
Robert picked at his plate without enthusiasm. His aunt and uncle ate with such vigor, the clatter rang in his ears.
When Aunt Agatha had cleared her plate, she leaned back with a sigh. “Im stuffed. Robert, I was only teasing. Were here for a hospital check-upthree days at most. And you, my boy, played your part splendidly! You looked terrified but hid it well. Family means something to you. When Im gone, the flat shall be yoursweve no children of our own. Youre my only heir.”
Never had Robert felt such relief. “May you live a hundred years, Auntie!” he said cheerfully.
In the days that followed, Eleanor became a weeping mess, unable to please Aunt Agathathe soup was bland, the chops too tough, the washing done poorly, the floors not scrubbed properly.
As they bid farewell, Aunt Agatha whispered to Robert, “However did you marry such a weepy thing? Is she with child? The waterworks never stop.”
The moment the door closed, Eleanor danced with joy. “Perhaps theyll never return!” she said hopefully.
“I couldnt say. I think Aunt Agatha rather liked it here.”
“I cant bear it!” she groaned.
The doorbell rang again, sharp and insistent.
“Not again!” Robert leapt upthen laughed. “Oh, its only the alarm!” A splendid day awaited him.
