22May
I turned the key in the front door, expecting the familiar warmth of my flat, but the hallway was foreign. Strangers lounged on the sofa, a child played with a toy car, and everything around me seemed out of place.
Excuse me, who are you? I asked, bewildered. My voice only brought the occupants attention. A woman snapped her tablet onto the coffee table, a man flung his phone aside, and both lunged toward me.
This is our homewho do you think you are? Get out, or well call the police! she shouted.
The police? I live here! I protested, clutching my coat tighter.
She laughed. Maybe youve got the wrong door, love.
Friday evening. I was polishing the last bits of a roast potato, hoping Tom would be back by now. My thoughts kept drifting to his endless disappearances. I glanced at a small, brightly wrapped box on the shelfa tiny gift Id bought myself because, if you dont treat yourself, no one will.
I picked up my phone and typed: Hey Tom, where are you? Its almost seven. You said youd be done at four today. Hed been at the same job for months, though I knew he liked to quit and get rehired every so often.
His reply buzzed through the bars background chatter. Its seven now Im with the lads, sorry. Ill call you later, love. The line clicked off.
I whispered Ill try to myself, eyes fixed on the ticking clock. Half past seven slipped by, then eight, nine, ten. Try in Toms world always meant no promise. Hed come and gone whenever it suited him.
Four years together felt like a rollercoaster at Blackpool: the soaring moments when Tom was attentive and caring, and the gutwrenching drops when he vanished without a word. Hed leave after fights, or simply disappear on a weekend. To him it was nothing; to me, a tide of tears.
Tonight was supposed to be my birthday, and I had finally managed to tidy updishes done, laundry folded, an old film flickering on the TV. The dinner Id prepared now sat untouched in the fridge, the clean plates stacked on a shelf.
At eleven the phone rang again. It wasnt Tom; it was Charlie, his best mate.
Milly? Are you home?
Yes, why? Wheres Tom?
Charlies voice cracked. We were out, it went wrong Toms in A&E. Do you want the address? Can you come?
My heart stopped. The empty birthday table, the halfdrunk tea, the silent filmall dissolved into a dreadfilled fog.
Is he serious?
Doctors havent said much Im fine, just outside the window. Come if you can.
Within half an hour I was in a taxi, teeth clenched, fists white, rushing to the city hospital. My birthday had turned into a nightmare. I ran the corridors, feeling faint, searching for a familiar face. Then I heard a boisterous laugh turning a corner.
I sprinted and found Tom and Charlie perched on plastic chairs outside a ward, clutching their stomachs, laughing hysterically. Toms eyes held that reckless spark Id once loved.
Milly! Youre here! he cried, wiping tears. Got you! It was a prank, lovejust a joke. Youre so gullible! He tried to hug me, but I pushed him away.
Just a birthday prank I muttered, voice hollow.
He clung to the idea of a joke, insisting we should celebrate now. I slung my bag over my shoulder.
Im leaving, I said.
Youre not going? We were going to party! he pleaded.
Leave me out of this, I replied, my resolve firm. He gave up. I trudged home, slipped off my coat, and, without turning on the lights, made my way to the kitchen. The fridge was full, but I had no appetite. I sat at the table, watching the clock, still shaking from the shock.
An hour later Tom reappeared, cheeks flushed, holding a chocolate bar.
Look what I got youpeace offering, he said, grinning. Im just a lad who wants to have fun, not sit at home. Im not the one to blame for you not wanting to be with me.
I stood, my voice steady. Im tired of your jokes, Tom.
He waved the chocolate in front of my face. Come on, dont be mad. Im not sorry for being me.
Im not keeping you, Tom, I said, but I need a different life. Ill go nowlook, I gestured to my pajamas, and Ill leave.
Where are you off to? he asked, curiosity mixed with irritation.
Anywhere but here, I answered, hoping hed feel the sting of my words.
He smirked, As you wish, Your Majesty. Ill go see Charlie then.
Three days passed without a word from him. I kept busy, but his absence haunted every corner of the flatthe empty chair, his halfread book on the nightstand, his mug in the dishwasher.
On the fourth evening, I was painting a numberbynumber picture to calm myself when Tom barged in with a massive bouquet of soft pink rosesmy favourite.
Hey, he said, out of breath. I brought these. You love them, dont you?
I looked at him silently, not taking the flowers.
I know youre angry, he continued, stepping closer. I wont make excuses. Im just a guy who wants a night out, not a homebody. You said youd love anyone, right?
I know, I replied, but Im fed up. I dont want a cheap trinket as an apology.
He tried to argue, but I shut him down. He left, and the house felt colder than ever.
The next morning I woke with a strange nausea. It lingered. The day after, the same. I bought a pregnancy test; two lines stared back at me.
I didnt know how to tell Tom, but fate seemed to have its own plan. We had always talked about having a child, and I thought maybe that would finally ground him.
Tom, Im pregnant, I whispered, handing him the test.
His face flickered through surprise, fear, and bewilderment. Now youre pulling a prank on me?
No, its real, I said, my voice shaking.
He brightened. A baby! Thats wonderful! Ive been hoping for this! Everything will change, I promise!
The next day he vanished again, this time for a whole week. Hed gone with Charlie to a cottage in the Cotswolds to celebrate the news, accompanied by other friendsand, as I later learned, an exgirlfriend named Katie.
I was left alone, clutching the news that should have altered our lives. My calls went straight to voicemail. I realised, once more, that nothing would ever truly change.
When Tom finally returned, he carried a lavish bouquet, hoping to make up for his weeklong absence. But the flat he tried to enter was not his.
The key turned, and the hallway was filled with strangers. A child was playing, a couple stared at me as I stood frozen.
Who are you? I asked, panic rising.
A woman shouted, Are you our new tenant? Get out now or well call the police!
The police? I live here! I shouted back.
She laughed again. Maybe youre at the wrong door, love.
A man scoffed, What a thief. Or maybe youve been dupedthis place is being sublet to several people. He pulled out his phone.
I dialed the number on the notice board. Mr. Green? Whats happening? Whos in my flat?
A voice on the other end answered slowly. Pavel, youre moving out, right? Lena told me shed gone a week ago. Ive already let the flat to new tenants. The deposit went back to her. What do you want?
Lenas gone? Were moving? I was stunned. The flat was empty; the landlord had already handed it over.
I stood on the staircase, bouquet still in hand, as the strangers escorted me out. A neighbour named Ian appeared, holding two large duffel bags.
Hey Tom, he said, handing me the bags. Lena left these with me. She wanted you to collect them.
They were heavy, full of my belongings. I took them to my mothers houseLydia Thompsonhoping Lena might be with her.
Lydia, adjusting her glasses, asked, What do you need, Tom? Ive been trying to keep Lena calm this whole week.
I need to see Lena. Shes pregnant. I have to talk to her, I said, my voice shaking.
She sighed, remembering her future grandchild. Come in, love. Im not thrilled about her being on her own, but go and apologise.
I barged into Lenas room, breathless, accusing, Can you believe this? Im left homeless, and youre nowhere to be found! How could you let this happen?
She stared at me, eyes cold. When was the last time you paid for the rent, Tom? You never thought about the bills, the groceries. You vanished for weeks, then expected us to be there when you returned. Welcome to realitypay your rent, buy food, stop expecting the world to wait for you.
I kicked the door in anger and stormed out.
Desperate, I begged friends for moneyCharlie, othersbut every request was turned down. No one wanted to lend to a man who spent his salary on nights out.
Late that night, exhausted and hungry, I returned to Lydias house. Lena refused to let me in, but Lydia opened the door with pity.
Lena, you cant just throw him out onto the street, she said gently. He has a child. He may be reckless, but the child needs a father.
Lena sighed. Hell stay here for the night. Then youll decide what to do with the baby.
Lydia set a condition: If you want to stay, you stop wandering. Marry Lena, think about the childs future.
Tom agreed, and for a moment it seemed things might finally settle. He began helping with groceries, but the calm lasted only a few days.
One afternoon, while Lena was at work, Lydia returned early. The bedroom door was ajar, soft whispers coming from inside. She peeked inwithin seconds a woman screamed and fled the room, followed by Tom.
Lydia! the woman shouted. I
Lydia shouted back, Out of my house! Better without a father like this.
