Why are you feeding my husband? Annabel Andrews shouts, her voice trembling with outrage. Youve already taken my only beloved son from my heart, and now you try to starve my husband too!
Nicholas Andrews rolls his eyes. What good is he to me? I could feed my own husband and children! he retorts, his tone sour.
Since when do you dislike my cooking? Annabel asks, incredulous.
Its fine, but after forty years its the same old thing every day! You could at least try a new recipe once, Nicholas mutters, the corners of his mouth twitching.
Give me a taste and youll be singing the alphabet with joy! Have you ever tried my stew? Even Gareth tried it and swore it was poison, Annabel threatens.
Nicholas laughs, Ive tried it, of course. I have to know what feeds my son and my grandchildren!
Did you like it? And now you want to argue with your daughterinlaw? Annabel lunges at him. We lived peacefully before! All you needed was to clean the pots properly!
I should have experimented with something other than your endless casseroles, Nicholas declares. Maybe theres some ambrosia hidden in there, some nectar youve forgotten about?
What are you talking about? Annabel frowns.
Youre clueless about food! No wonder you never invite me to your family gatherings, lest I go hungry. You keep me out of the friend circle so I cant be fed. I wont even go to the canteen, its an enemy to my stomach! Your daughterinlaws cooking is the only window I have into fine dining, he says.
Annabel snaps, Ill give you a taste of fine dining youll never forget. Ill lock you in the attic and feed you only bland oatmeal with water, no salt, no sugar!
Who are you threatening, me or someone else? My own husband? Have some conscience! Nicholas protests. If I leave, Ill take the kids with me and tell the whole village I fled because you feed me poorly!
Fine, go ahead and run, Annabel scoffs. Everyone is waiting for you, especially Gail. She cant wait to see you out of the house.
She points to the kitchen. She came to stop me from letting you near her fridge! Their income isnt enough to feed a freeloading soninlaw. So sit there and shut up!
I will speak up, Nicholas says confidently. She came because I caused her financial loss! If I side with my son, Ill pay Gail a salary, not you! My wages will feed me, not you!
Annabel knows her husbands temper well. If he walks out, she will follow through on her threats, no matter the regret later.
Enough! she declares. Take your bank card and go to London. Buy the cookbook I told you about, the one youll use to cook for us. And youll have to help me too!
Nicholas smiles, Thats a start! He darts off, card in hand, headed for the city. On the way he jokes, We can stop at the station café for a bite.
Gail! Annabel calls to her sons halfofthehouse. Come, well argue first and then make peace.
Cant we just make peace straight away? Gail asks, stepping into the shared kitchen.
The drama genre demands a showdown first, Annabel waves her hands.
Fine, if thats how it goes, Gail shrugs. Begin!
Annabel repeats her original accusation, her voice echoing through the empty rooms because no one else is home, and the genres rules require it.
Gail, as if rehearsed, jumps in: What good is my husband to me? I could feed my own husband and kids! Yet here comes an unexpected guest, rummaging through the fridge, forcing me to run to the shop. I dont print money!
She adds, You should feed your own husband better, so he doesnt gobble everything! I cook, but he still pulls his own spoon and fork, slurping the broth like a cow licks a trough!
Annabel smiles, enjoying the feud with her daughterinlaw, a harmless, theatrical quarrel.
Gail, Annabel says gently, patting a nearby chair, we need to teach my son a lesson.
Its your husbands problem to solve, Gail replies. What if Steven finds out Ive hurt his father? Where does that leave me in the house?
Youre the villages medical whiz! You know how to keep a man from turning his back on his own kitchen. Ill be grateful for any help, Annabel pleads. Just dont damage my fathers health. Hes a jokester, but hes still family.
Alright, Gail agrees. The counterintelligence works. When he gets upset, youll back me up.
Ill both support and reward you, Annabel promises.
Young families, they say, are full of love and tenderness but short on cash. In the city, everyone is a businessman or entrepreneur. Steven and Gail are simple countryside folk. Steven trained as a mechanic, working on tractors and harvesters, while Gail ran the local health centre as a nurse.
When Steven returned to his hometown, Gail was placed where the calfdriven farms werent needed. Thats how they met among the wheat fields, and Steven courted her in a white coat. He promised, Ill visit every day until you say yes! If you look at anyone else, you wont need my help anymore. He chased her for a year until she finally fell in love. He was kind, hardworking, and honest, though not wealthy.
They held a big, noisy wedding. Gails relatives travelled four days to be there, but they could have taken a regular train carriage. The newlyweds lived in Stevens parents house, prompting the first family debate.
How shall we live? asks Annabel, the newly minted motherinlaw. All under one roof or each separate?
Whats the point of thinking? Nicholas, Stevens father, interjects. Theyre young; let them have their own place.
What do we do? Steven asks his father.
Why bother? Nicholas chuckles. The house was built for two families. When one left, we tore down the partitions. Restoring them is a trifle. The kitchen is shared; the bathroom is a separate annexe. One roof, but each family keeps its own space.
They settle into that arrangement, though they must cobble together a household on a tight budget. Gail previously lived in a collective farm dormitory, so she brings few possessions. Annabel is reluctant to share her savings.
The daughterinlaw should bring a dowry, not dip into the motherinlaws nest egg! Annabel declares.
They take out a loan for a fridge, a microwave, and a heap of cookware, buying more as needed. Life goes on amid occasional kitchen squabbles, but nothing escalates to a fullblown fightuntil the children, aged four and nine, turn four and nine.
One evening Gail prepares dinner, then gets a sudden call to the neighbouring village. She hurriedly wraps a bowl of buckwheat porridge in a blanket, leaves a note for Steven to heat it, and rushes off. When she returns, Steven greets her with a complaint.
Do you have any conscience? Work is work, but you cant forget the family! Ive just come home from the job, collected the kids from school, and theres nothing for us to eat!
What do you mean nothing? Gail asks, puzzled. I cooked!
I dont know what you made, but we opened the fridge expecting sandwiches and found nothingno sausage, no cheese, no butter! Gail, you should pay more attention to the household! Steven shouts.
Gail had received her salary weeks ago and had gone to the town centre to stock the fridge. She bought a decent amount of dry sausage, cheese, and butterenough for three days. She suspects someone else has been rummaging through the supplies.
Steven, feeling slighted, accuses the fatherinlaw, Nicholas, of stealing food. Nicholas, defensive, declares, Im innocent! Im not a thief! He claims his appetite is modest.
Gail, fed up, confronts Annabel. Were not swimming in money! I try to buy decent food for my husband and children, not for yours! Annabel retorts, If you feel sorry, say it!
Yes, I feel sorry, Gail admits honestly. I work, Steven works, we have two kids, and your husband eats them up like theyre freeforall! Is that normal?
They part, each nursing a grievance. Later, Nicholas complains that Gail cooks poorly and should learn from his daughterinlaw. Annabel, determined, plots a final move to restrain her son.
She decides the young couple should move out, fearing that once you let a man into the garden, you cant kick him out again. She plans a revenge.
If Gail had not become a nurse, she might have joined the military, where her strategic mind would have been put to use. As a nurse, she couldve concocted a spell that would scare anyone away from the fridge. She draws a pentagram on the refrigerator and announces loudly, I place a curse! Anyone who feeds themselves from this fridge without my permission will meet a terrible fate! Only my husband and my children are exempt!
She lights two candles, burns some wormwood, and for dramatic effect, beats a copper basin with a ladle for five minutes. Nicholas, halfbelieving, crosses himself, spits over his left shoulder, pins a safety pin under his shirt, and turns his trousers inside out. He then grabs the fridge door, bites into a slice of ham, pops a cherry tomato, and shoves a mozzarella ball into his mouth, eyes closed in satisfaction.
Im safe, he declares smugly.
Sure you are, Gail watches with a cold stare, removing the charged food from the fridge and muttering, May the goddess of pharmacology punish you.
Nicholas, feeling nauseous, vomits a mixture of laxative and a stimulant that spikes his heart. He staggers out, barely making it to the garden. Gail, seeing his condition, says, You didnt heed the warning, did you? I told you! He steams in the sauna by himself, scrubs his clothes, and keeps muttering about his mother and grandmother, cursing the fact that his daughterinlaw shares his blood.
Annabel keeps her word. She pulls out two million pounds from her savings and gives it to Gail, so she, Steven, and the children can build their own housepreferably in another village. Ill also give you more money when my fixed deposit matures, she hints.
In the end, everything settles. Annabel visits her sons family occasionally, while Nicholas vows never to meddle again. Id rather eat soil than take anything from her hands, he mutters, calling her a witch.
