**Diary Entry 12th June**
I wanted to surprise my husband today. I decided to visit him at work and bring him lunch. As I approached his office door, I overheard a conversation that left me utterly shaken.
Im twenty-nine years old, and perhaps Im the most naïve woman alive, because until recently, I believed everything in my marriage was perfect. How wrong I was. My husband, the man I trusted, has turned out to be a liar and a selfish fool. I still cant believe hes done this to me.
Weve known each other for ten years, married for six. His name is Jamesalways so caring, so dependable, providing for me and our children. We have two: a son and a daughter. With my support, he managed to start his own business, which has been doing quite well.
I used to work as a sales assistant, but recently, I launched my own online boutique selling womens clothing. So, while my daughter is at nursery and my son naps, I work, earning my own money.
My weight has always hovered around eight and a half stone. After having the children, I gained nearly three stone. At first, I hoped chasing after two little ones would help me shed the weight, but its not as simple as it seems. I made it my missionate healthily, exercised, drank plenty of water, cut out bread and sweets. Yet the scale didnt budge, and it crushed me. I started feeling so insecure.
After our second child, I stopped recognising myself. I no longer felt feminine or desirable. And James he changed right before my eyes. He stopped kissing me, stopped holding me. Forget intimacywe barely even talk anymore. Every conversation revolves around household chores or the children.
Ill admit, before the babies, I felt confident, attractive. Now, I cant even look in the mirror without cringing. I know its strained our marriage, so I decided to fix things. Thats why, today, I planned a surpriselunch at his office. But as I reached the door, I heard him:
Dont worry, darling, Ill come by after work. I told my wife Im swampedshe hasnt got a clue you exist!
I didnt step inside. I turned around and left.
Does he not realise I gained weight carrying *his* children? Hes no Adonis himselfhas a bit of a belly too. Or does he just think Im stupid?
I havent confronted him yet. What do I do? File for divorce? But the childrenhow will they cope without their father? Pretend nothing happened? I dont think I can.
For now, Ive decided to focus on myself. Ive joined a gym. First, Ill show James exactly what hes losing. Then well see.
